Over

I'm sitting here at my computer, eating cookies to placate my weariness. This really has got to stop: me being dead tired. So, today has been really an interesting day... and not necessarily in a good way. Where to begin? Okay, so I have a few things I need to say (the Mr. W sub guy story, the rabbit thing, and the tennis game). I think I'm actually going to post the sub story back at the original post later on, so I'll start, hm, at the beginning of my day.

I was rudely woken by a phone being jutted into my face, and I groggily spoke to Lisa for a little bit. I then got up, stumbled blindly into the shower, and then proceeded to get ready. I was doing the obligatory feeding of the animals, and it was just like any other day. I walked up to the rabbit cage outside, dumped the food in, and changed the water bottle. I thought it was odd that it was almost completely full, but I still changed it. It struck me as slightly odd that he wasn't hopping out to get his meager meal, so I absentmindedly opened the other side of the cage (the one he sleeps in; it's hidden) and .. oh dear, I really was going to continue, I really was, but I don't think I'm able. So I'll just end it with this: my rabbit is dead. I'll have that image in my brain for the rest of my life. I can't even think about it even now. And this, this image, is one that is really very meaningful. Finality. Over. I always knew this would happen, even soon. I wouldn't really say I was expecting it, but... It's just final. Done. Never ever going back. I am never going to say that "I have a rabbit named Oreo" anymore. I never even petted him goodbye. And, well, when I conjure up that image, I picture all living things, not just that one particular rabbit. This is really a morbid thought, but that image is, well, someday, me. And that kind of makes me cringe. But also, even more morbid, is the fact that, yes, I will, throughout my lifetime, see other things looking just like that. People, even. People that I know. And that is a thought that I personally cannot stomach. This lends itself rather nicely to something that I was thinking a little bit about yesterday. When people just talk of 'partying' or getting drunk or doing anything just really useless and stupid, they flippantly toy with their own life. I cannot really conceive of anything more serious than life or death. Death is really the most serious thing I can think of, because of the sheer finality of it. I don't honestly know what I will do when the time comes (times, really) that I will have to part with people.. forever. I have never actually lost anyone especially close to me; I mean, I have indeed been to funerals and have dealt with death. But never in a real, personal way. But every time that someone dies, it seems like the impact is more and more. For example, when I was, oh, in the upper grades of elementary, a woman from church died. I knew her, and would talk to her often, and she would always remark, "my, how big you are getting!" but then she got cancer. I made her a card and stood in the hospital room shivering for a few minutes while my mom talked quietly with the woman and her husband; she died the next morning. Then my great uncle Pete died a little over a year ago. He was very nice, and I would always eat spaghetti with him, and he gave me his favorite Cardinals hat, which I have always loved. Just recently, my other great uncle (other side) died. He would always talk in polish and we'd eat weird polish foods at his weird-smelling house, but I liked it there. Just really recently, a student at our school died. Now, this one I didn't really know, but it hits home because he was, well, our age. Younger. Now my rabbit. This one is different in that I really was his only real nurturer. We called him ours but in essence he was mine. Okay. Enough, enough, enough. My rabbit's life is over, just like this section of the post.

Anyway.... after being stunned into a silent bout, I realized that I was really running late for the tennis game. I sped to Lisa's and then we drove up. When we got there, there were only 2 other cars there, and for a second we thought, um, is this the right place? But then people started to show up. We warmed up for like a half hour and then proceeded to play. Bazak (sp??) and I played two people from the other school; we won 8-2. After that, I kind of sat around for the next hour and a half, at first waiting for Julie's game to finish, and then juggling tennis balls and talking with Julie. Oh yeah, and we ate donuts. Finally we were put back in, and this time I played doubles with Julie. We played the other team, and we won 8-5. People started to taper off, and then we helped put everything away. After a while, everyone was gone except me and Julie. We picked up the litter off the court, tidying up the place a little bit. We talked and lay down on the court for a little while, talked to Kels on the phone, and then I drove home, so tired I could barely think.

I was originally going to take a nap when I got home, but I used my better judgement and decided against it. So I just ate some cheese and crackers, read a bit of my book, and wasted time on the computer. I was sending something to Kelsey and it took about 10 eons to send. It finally did though.

Sigh. So now I sit here, sunburned (my arms kind of hurt!) and quite exhausted. I think what I'm going to do is take a shower (I'm still kind of all stinky), do a bit of homework, and then go to bed. A nap would probobly really mess me up (yes, Julie, you're right). I can tell that I'm going to be hurting tomorrow, from both the sunburn (yuck) and the sore, aching muscles. I actually did have a lot of fun at the match though. At the end it was ridiculously tiring though, especially since my arm muscles were like ripping. Well, at least it's over.

Hm. Today, though it's not over, was, I suppose anyway, an alright day. I'm not exactly happy, no. But, I mean, I'm alright with it. Cons: my rabbit's dead and I have an unpleasant image singed onto my brain forever, I have a mega-load of homework that I'm obviously not doing, and I'm sunburned. Pros: I actually made it to the tennis game, I won my two games and am actually improving on my serves and getting them over the net, and my family is currently out, in Albuquerque, which equates to peace and quiet here at my house so I'm really free to do whatever, whatever I want to. Freedom..

So. I sit here, eyelids drooping, hair messed up, aching and groaning, and writing a post. Well, I'm not anymore. Now it's over.