Leaving....!

I don’t really have a lot of time, as I’m about to leave to go back up to town, but here’s my little day’s ramblings: First and foremost, IT IS FOOKIN’ COLD! It’s so windy and cold… and I’m NOT exactly enjoying it. I want it to be spring… summer, even. Well, kind of. I’m really going to miss certain classes from junior year. Like, a lot. But hey, no worries, right? Because we still have two 6 weeks left. Besides the stinging cold, today was actually the best day yet this week. Well, sort of. So, for testing, today was Social Studies, right? And everyone finished like 2 whole hours early, and yeah, they had to keep us incarcerated for almost the whole time. I guess we did get to leave a little early… then at lunch we went to film society. That was pretty cool. Student Aiding was cool. Extremely insanely cool, because all she did was dish out compliments of my memoirs. It was amazing; it made me feel great. I guess my hard work did pay off. Then she told me she wanted to recommend me for this scholarship thing for poetry… In Comp Sci I programmed, yadda yadda. After school I typed up this thing about Ms. W, because she’s retiring apparently. Ok, out.

Ugh. Tired. Stupid testing. Chill afternoon, though, very chill

Well, after a very tiring and busy day, I’m wiped out. Luckily, thankfully, I have no, that’s right NO homework due tomorrow. Well, today was kind of crazy. Despite my going to bed extremely, freakishly early (9:30 or so), I still woke up really late. So I scrambled out of bed, threw on some clothes and ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, gathering my stuff. I sped to school and then went to CRTs…, which, now I’m completely convinced, are just to waste our time and prevent us from getting stuff done. I seem to have the worst luck with proctors… (by the way, I really do NOT abhor Mr. T, my proctor yesterday, I do not wish him any harm at all. I don’t actually happen to want to stab any body. I can’t even stand blood and gore on television… luckily I don’t watch it often). Today I had Ms. R., who actually wasn’t that bad, but I thought she was going to yell at me. I really chanced it, working on precal after the test. She was actually very polite in telling me, that I should “please put my homework away” and “do I have another book that I could possibly be reading?”. The tests are just a waste of time. I could have been doing a million more prosperous things. Homework, sleeping, eating… anything. At lunch I went to take an English test that I knew I’d miss part of, but she said that I didn’t have to worry, I could take it whenever, like during my student assistant, if I didn’t finish it. So, instead we talked and then I panicked and ran to my car because I couldn’t find a bunch of memoir rough drafts that I was supposed to turn in today. Long story short, I couldn’t find it, ran back, explained my freak-outed-ness to Ms. B, and she told me, “Oh, I just wanted to collect the drafts from the students to make sure they did them. I know you did. Don’t worry.” So that was pretty cool. During class all I did was run around the class and hand out tons of papers while she talked. And then I turned in what memoirs I have, and I handed out the tests, and then I had to go to a doctor appt. It was tres cool, the whole being the teacher’s minion thing. So, docs appt. Afterwards, I stalled, bought some candy and an iced tea, walked around, and talked with people, because I didn’t really want to go back to school just yet. I eventually wrote my own note and got to school about 10 after 2 or so. Precal was funny, and then we drove home. I really liked running today. K, J, and I all ran to K’s house again, it went by quicker. I’m still incredibly sore though. Then we hung out a bit at J’s and made a way cool juggling movie. It’s not just us juggling. Woo. How boring, right? So its filmed facing up; the camera is under the juggling balls and it looks like they’re floating. It’s great, I really like it.

And I'm back.

Ah. So. Well, where do I begin? It has indeed been a long time since I actually posted, so here we go. I want to: A) catch things up a bit and get back on track here and B) (more importantly) I want to evade and run from my precal homework for as long as possible. Hm. Well, okay, it’s not that horrible.

Alright, so, Saturday. It was kind of a veg-out kind of day, as in “do nothing but lounge around on my bed and sleep a little and read tTTW (which I finished, by the way. It was very sad; it made me cry a lot. It was also very…… descriptive). I pretty much did nothing. On Sunday, wow, a lot happened. I went to church, I came home and changed, the phone rang and it was someone in CO. I didn’t answer. Then I called K and drove to her house, where an… incident happened. It was really weird and scary. K and I drove to my house and then ran back down to her house. Yeah, literally. 2 miles straight.

So today I’m kind of sore. It wasn’t so bad early on, but while sitting in stupid CRT testing today I realized that I was actually sort of in pain. I hated stupid testing; it was the worst experience ever. First of all, a teacher that I don’t really like (well, I shouldn’t say that, because I’ve never actually had him, but let’s just say we don’t get along) was proctoring. He, though he’s been an English teacher for a long time, reads very slowly. I finished each section speedy fast, though I don’t know why, I didn’t bring a book. After the last test, though, I chanced working on writing an English memoir, and I luckily didn’t get in trouble at all. So. That was my fun-filled morning.

I went to lunch, Key Club. Oh yeah, that reminds me. As of 3:49 pm today I officially changed my ACT test date to June 9 instead of April. Soo… I CAN go to convention- yay! That’s good news at least. After Key Club I grabbed a computer and started madly typing, trying fervently to get my memoir (my very first, good, deep, emotional one) done. I didn’t really do it, but I got close. Anyway, it didn’t even matter, because when I walked in the door (almost late..) she told us that it was due tomorrow instead. Well, jeez, great. Now ya tell us.

We’re doing a research paper, apparently. And I’m actually looking forward to it; I was one of the few ones not groaning. At first I groaned a liiitle bit, but then when I actually looked at the assignment I quit. So basically we have to choose a British author, do research on him and on his works, etc. I might do Chaucer.. maybe. On the other hand, I think I want to do CS Lewis. Did you know his real name is Clive Staples Lewis?? Insane. So, that’s that. Bio was relatively sane; poor Mr. T is sick, like I was a week ago. Sigh. Being sick sucks. We made DNA and RNA. Not really but hey, we can pretend.

After school I drove K home, to my home, and we ran to her house, running the whole time again. I’m pretty proud. I’m actually really happy about doing this, happy to finally finally run again. I wasn’t allowed to for 3 months after the whole meningitis thing. Now I’m back, the old me. Well, maybe the new me…

So even though I’m really really sore and I have a mountain of precal weighing down on my heart and Ms. B. seemed… distant today, I’m happy. I feel oddly content. Maybe it’s the whole ‘figuring out the whole dark and light memoir and my life’ thing, and maybe it’s the whole ‘insanely, enthusiastically, breathlessly, happily running 2 miles everyday now’ thing, and maybe it’s something else entirely. But all I know is that, well, even though today actually wasn’t marvelous (far from it, actually…), things are okay, chill.

Oh yeah, one last thing. I’m kind of a cookie addict, at least today I am. That’s pretty much all I’ve eaten today. I ate a breakfast cookie (weird, I know), about a dozen chocolate chip cookies, some Oreos, some peanut butter girl scout cookies, a thin mint, and now a Tagalong (my absolute favorite). And that’s pretty much all I’ve eaten except a smidge of my sandwich and an egg. So, I guess the running really is necessary…

Sigh. I think this is probably long enough, eh? So I’m going to go finish the memoir and do precal. I’m really glad that I’m writing this; it’s really actually kind of necessary. And then I’ll eat fajitas. I should really learn to cook like my parents; I can’t cook if my life depended on it.

Zits Comic for 2/24/07

I thought this was pretty funny for some reason... and also very true, as I am made acutely aware of daily...

"... as wonderful as you, Sherri..." -Ms. B. ...sigh.

I keep stuffing thin mints in my mouth, one by one, even though I probably shouldn’t. I’ll get more zits or something, which lately I have, oddly. Well, at any rate, these cookies are quite delicious. Quite scrumptious. Quite wonderful. Like today. Yes, I, for perhaps the first time in my life (besides maybe my birthday), am labeling a B-day “wonderful.” Yes indeed. It’s my sister’s birthday, first of all, and since I was up well past 12 anyway, I decided to do something. You know, since I was up all by myself in the wee hours of the night already, I figured I could surprise everyone in the morning with decorations. So, I rummaged around in our junk drawer in the laundry room, and I found a puny light blue streamer roll, and a decrepit, foul, ancient roll of white streamer. I put them up all over the kitchen and a few in the doorway to the dining room. I had a little left, so I put them up on the fan. Then I finished my stats (mostly, anyway) and went to bed. So, early early this morning I did my little good deed, and I woke up to Kristen saying, “When’d you guys do this?” Well then. I drove to school (very fast, I might add. You know, that’s another reason why Fridays are great) and went to English, where I put down the tissues that I brought. It’s become a sort of tradition for me. You know, when the tissues run out, I just bring some more. Precal, meh. Stat’s, meh-er. At lunch we had a psuedo- key club meeting. And I was all gung-ho for Convention. Went to yb, had a rollicking good time, then drove home with K. I then went to the.. hm.. Weirdowskis’ house (obviously not real name, but..), where I spent a while. The husband/ dad looks kind of like a shorter, black-haired Mr. Y, and the mother/wife looks like a Native American/ African American mix. They’re both very nice and have a baby. So, I walk in, and the mom says, “Sorry about the mess- we’re baby-proofing.” I blink a few times and say, “Oh.” We walk into the kitchen as she says, “Yeah, and also another one on the way.” I say, “Oh. Congratulations..” And she pats her rotund middle and says, “Yeah, we’ve been busy.” At this point I blanch for a few seconds and then regain my composure as the dad walks in carrying a baby that’s smiling so hugely that it looks like it’s on aphrodisiac or some kind of drug at least. I don’t know what else to do but make goofy faces at the kid, so I do, which makes him smile even more. They, I think anyway, don’t quite know how to talk to teenagers, so there’s a sort of awkward silence in which I just make funny faces at the baby boy, Jackson, and also try and say something to fill the void. We eventually have a sort of forced, choppy conversation, with many gaping holes in it. We talk about their dog, Janey, and about my little brother, and also about if I baby-sit or not. I think I would have ended up staying there forever had I not eventually said, “Well, I guess I’m all set now.. Thanks…” And they smile sort of confusedly and say, “Bye, it was nice to meet you, thank you.” Hm. Weird family, but hey, they’re nice I suppose. Then I got home and we did the whole birthday thing. We ate enchiladas (which were really really cheesy and greasy, which was kind of… not the greatest. They were also mega-hot). We ate cake and opened presents. My sister and I were going to watch a movie, but then we remembered about her (final) basketball game. I felt really bad—they lost, and it was their last game, too. Oh well. My sister’s a bit bummed, but hey. K, different subject. I got an email from Ms. B today; it was very pleasant. Perhaps that’s what put me in such a great mood, that and sprinting around campus as fast as I could during lunch today. I miss running; I totally love the feeling of speeding past a bunch of kids, weaving in and out. It’s probably not the best idea, though, to run in hiking boots.. I really think I messed up my left Achilles tendon. It hurts. Not good. So yeah, I liked before school today, and lunch, and yearbook and driving home. There’s just one thing that’s going ridiculously wrong… something that I found out about just recently. So, key club convention is April 13-15. But get this, here’s the kicker: I’m signed up to take the ACT on the 14^th of April. Yeah. Ouch. So, I rummaged around on my dad’s desk, found the little “get in to the ACT” ticket, and on the back there’s instructions for changing the date. I have to call such- and-such a number and do such-and-such a thing. I tried calling it, but they’re not there. So, I need to keep my fingers crossed and I can hopefully go to convention. I'll call next week. I neeeeeeeed to. Well, I think I might go to bed soon, considering the fact that I’ve been going to bed extremely late every single night this week.Yes-- WEEKEND!!!! Sigh. I love Fridays.

After school spoutings

So. My great-uncle died. You know, it’s weird. Today in English we were talking (or I was...) about death (because it related to what we read), and I said that well, you really don’t know when it’s coming, and it’s of course inevitable. And, you never know when someone is going to die; you really don’t appreciate them until they’re no longer around. Then, you realize that they’re really gone, that’s it. No coming back, ever. It’s not like a vacation. It’s permanent. Over. It’s just odd; as I was speaking those words, Uncle Jan was perhaps breathing his last breath. It’s really peculiar. I’m sad; I’ll miss him. It’s not that I knew him that intimately or whatever, it’s just the whole finality thing. I won’t see him ever again.

I went to Key Club elections; everything was fine. Congrats to both Julie and Noopur on being Co-Presidents! I ended up being secretary (yes!), and Lisa got treasurer. Clare someone got Historian. So, all in all it was all right; it was quite satisfactory. Despite my being tired and my having just received bad news.

I drove home slowly, deliberately, carefully, thoughtfully. For once in my life. I was behind 2 friends. I followed the whole way. When I was turning by Las Salsas (or Salsas y Son, whatever), I slowed way down, and because of on-coming traffic, I had to come to a stop. They kept on going. It was weird. For a few moments that seemed almost like a quiet eternity, I watched the car grow smaller and smaller, going up that hill, fading into the bright sunlight. And then they were gone. And I had chills. It was very odd, but then the moment passed, and I turned onto the street, just as a new song came on to the radio. I don’t know the song’s title, but it was an angry song, a hardcore rock song, new, though. It wasn’t a “Holy crap I love this song” kind of song, but it grabbed my attention and my emotions. Suddenly, I was filled with this weird sort of feeling, like the music was determining my mood. I was suddenly filled with this pissed-off teenager feeling, as the music got going. I revved the engine and suddenly put my foot on the gas, hard. I drove all around, in places that I really haven’t been much before, that new-house area by the pool. I drove fast and recklessly, just like the music. I reached over and turned it up loud- very loud. I turned it as loud as it could go, and I tried to trick myself into getting lost. I wanted to get lost. I was pretending I was lost in some other city. But I wanted it; I wanted to get lost in the unfamiliar streets, and I wanted to get lost in the music. And I did, for a little while. The song ended, I calmed down, I drove home.

And now I’m here. Just got off the phone. I’m determined to get my grades up. It’s not that I’m failing, but my grades are just… sagging a bit. Not quite up to par. I’m not quite up to par. I can go to Convention if I have an A in every class. Normally, I’d be, “Psh. Hey, piece of cake” (in the Sean voice, of course). This year.. no, this semester, it is unfortunately not so. I’m going to be ecstatic next year… Sigh. I’m off. I can do this. Piece of cake… J

Ired-Tay

Yeah. I'm tired, first off. Well, I deserve it; it's my own fault. I was up til 1:30 reading tTTW. It's not suspenseful in the least... I don't even know why I'm so drawn to it. It is honestly the weirdest and most confusing thing ever. Some parts I actually try and sort out and make sense of, but other parts I just thunder on through because they're just too complicated. Mostly it's time-travel stuff, which is something that I've really always been intrigued by. Ahem. So yeah, anyway, basically, today's just a tired day, a "I just wish it was Friday" kind of day. Which it almost is... We had a discussion in English. Know what I hate about discussions? I hate it when no one talks. There are many different types of silence, content silence, awkward silence, library silence... Well, the silence that encompassed my English classroom this morning was.. hm.. stifling silence, choking silence. Like we were all slowly suffocating. So, naturally, I just opened my fat mouth and blurted out something to make that silence go away; Ms. B just looked pleadingly around the circle at every countenance. This happened several times. Well, I suppose that it was better today than other times. Today people had deeper things to say; we went far beyond the reading. It was this packet of stories taken from Other Electricites, by the way. Ms. B told me later in student aiding that she thought that the discussion went well. Okay, then. In bio we listened to good ol' Mr. T the whole time. If it was any other teacher just lecturing the whole entire flippin' class period, I'd certainly get bored and start making a house out of my pencils or something, but I really rarely glance up at the clock at all when I'm in there. S. A. was pretty chill, I hung up student work and chatted a bunch. Yeah, pretty cool. Lunch was Key Club... and that reminds me of something I will be doing later on in, oh, say... 20 minutes? Key Club elections for next year. Yeah. Part of me is very apprehensive and worrying, but that part of me is, I think anyway, being overridden by that part of me that's saying, "Hey, it's okay. It's chill. I'll just go up there and say a few things. This is not a huge-o deal." Hm. I suppose I'll just work my way down (President, VP, Secretary, Treasurer, Historian..). I mean, what's the worst that can happen, anyway? I go there and say my bit (completely off the cuff, of course) and, in the end, I don't get elected for that thing. Or anything. Eh. So, for the first hour or so of Comp Sci I read blogs; some were quite interesting. Kept me awake, anyway. The techno in here is kind of lulling me, in a way though. I don't actually understand why I'm so dead tired.. I mean, I feel like I did the time I carelessly pulled an allnighter on a schoolnight. I honestly feel like I could bang my head down on the keyboard here and leave it there and soon I'd be snoring peacefully... But NO! I'm not going to do that. No. No no no. Instead, here's what I'll do. Okay. Chill out for a few more minutes here. Go to Key Club elections and do my schpeal, while trying not to say "um." Drive home, hoping fervently all the way that the little gas I have in my tank will get me home. Crash.... not my car, hopefully! I meant on my bed. "Do" stats and precal, and maybe perhaps study for that foul quiz. Do a few other things around the house, and then jump into my niiiiice, warrrrm bed. Wake up and survive duller than dull classes tomorrow. This week has been pretty... huh. Cannot for the life of me come up with an appropriate word. I suppose different would suffice, but it really doesn't cover it nearly enough. I really wouldn't say a bad week (oh, beleive me, I've had worse), but... Well, if one aspect of my life is messed up, wonked out, it affects all the other parts of me, too. Ag. I'm not perfect. No one is. I'd just like it if everyone in the world would lighten up, take it easy, chill out. I just want to say sorry to everyone and everything that I've ever ever in any way done harm to...

Life's complicated.

I'm so tired... so tired..... of it all...

No longer sick, but sick in a different way

I'm fed up with people. Really really fed up. I'm not mad, no. I'm just sick of them. It's really bugging me. Does anyone else ever have this feeling? That you're just sick of people? Maybe I need a vacation. But I doubt that would help. Sometimes I just want to be alone. Alone alone. And not have to worry/ talk to/ deal with people. I wonder sometimes how I'd be, alone in some desolate place with no one at all around. I don't like to think of myself as a solitary person, but oddly, recently, maybe as of today, I kind of just want to seperate, to be myself. To walk around just by myself. I want to quit being the ping-pong ball that I am (everyone else are the paddles) and just do what I want. I do what people tell me to, but I, for some weird reason today, am not liking that idea. I want to do what I want to do. In everyday life, and in general.

Kertesz Art...

Hm. Can't resize picture. This is here to show just a bit of what he does with shadow. What I really like is when he has the real person and then their shadow, too. But yes, I do like it.


Argh! I can't resize this stupid picture either! Well, just get up and look at it from a distance, I suppose. Don't ask why I like this picture; there's seemingly nothing very special about it. Even its title is bland: "The Fork." This kind of thing isn't very characteristic of his syle. He seems to do more people photographs. I just like "The Fork," maybe because of the whole shadow thing he likes to do.


Here's just an all-around cool picture taken by Kertesz. Again, not very characteristic of him. Still a very cool picture. He spent a lot of time in Paris, by the way.

In comp sci

Apparantly Mr. Y is still sick. So, we get to just chill. And that would be very very good and very verrry nice, if the person beside me would just be quiet. Yes, he's right here beside me. And no, he won't look over here. I'm not trying to be mean here, but the guy is seriously getting on my nerves. I'm kind of trying to ignore him. He's looking at pictures of cats. Yeah, you heard me. Cats. And he keeps showing them to me! He will not shut up. Right now I'm hating cats. Why does there have to be so many cats in the world? Wait, scratch that. The cats are fine. The stupid people that put the stupid pictures up are the ones I hate right now. Wait. Scratch that. I really only hate this dude's big mouth. Hm. Yeah. He doesn't even notice. Arrgh! Well, I'm going to really try hard to ignore him yet be nice.... Deep breath.... Okay. Yeah, he's not hurting anyone. He just keeps rambling about funny pictures of cats, doing apparantly funny things. And most have apparantly hillarious captions. Well, I suppose I'll jot down a few points from my day. In English we took a quiz; it was a nothin-special quiz, but I spiced things up a bit by drawing a picture to go along with every question. Hm. Then we did a peer-review thing. Bio? Uh, yeah... at least the test is over. I spent almost all of student aiding making a power point presentation of the photographs of Andre Kertez. He's actually really amazing. One thing that really stands out to me personally is his use of shadow. I love some of his pictures with shadow. Some of his photographs are ... quite odd. He does a lot of nudity... And well, this is interesting: Ms. B, when I got back to the classroom, told me she wanted to show me one of her favorite photographs. She looked for it, and couldn't find it. And so I told her to just describe it. She just said that it wasn't very appropriate for school. I gave her a weird look, and she smiled and went on to describe that it was just some guy (actually Andre Kertez's brother) jumping off a cliff or something. Anyway, that was student aiding. Now she's in some English teacher meeting, and she was telling me how these meetings are so incredibly dull. And she, ha ha, told me how she didn't read the big packet she was supposed to... oops..Went to bio for lunch; it was basically blah. So now I'm in computer science, and there is still a distant yammering in my ear. I'm pretty sure he's just talking to himself now. Heh heh. Yess, I finally shook him. I'm dreadfully bored, but I suppose that at least I'm doing something (this). So. Plan: twiddle my thumbs for the next 45 minutes and basically just waste time on the computer. Meet my mom after school and go home. Practice piano... sorta. Bumble through Precal and stats. Then... read!! I'm so upset I left my book at home! The Time Traveler's Daughter is really getting addicting. It's so weird. I'm going to bring it tomorrow to school... that is if I don't finish it. It probobly wasn't the wisest decision, but I stayed up til.. 2? 3? I dunno. Something like that. I stayed up late reading... now my eyes are all red. And this lack of sleep might be partly why I am developing a pounding headache. It might just be the yamming idiot (sorry!) beside me. I don't know. Alright. I'm done.

I'm actually glad..

I'm actually kind of relieved, in a weird way, that the long weekend is over. I mean, I loved sleeping in (when I could), but it needs to be over. Oh yeah, Happy B-day to Julie, yesterday. Happy? Hm. Today was rather interesting. I woke up to my mom yelling at my sister to "Go get towels- lots! Ahhhhh! The toilet's over-flowing!!!" So, I was half-awake, half-asleep, listening to my entire family yelling and screaming and trying to figure out what was going on, and why the toilet was acting wonky. I had been up til 1 or 2 reading The Time Traveler's Wife (which is insane, by the way. Absolutely insane). So, naturally, I was still tired and I flopped over, just listening to their conversation. They thought that Danny had flushed a toy duck down the toilet, because that was missing. Well, my dad tinkered with the toilet for a while, and whatever the problem was disappeared. Soo. That was my day. I read some more of the TTW, and did some precal. Then I went to K's house, with J... and we studied bio after eating grilled cheese sandwiches. And talked. And it was very... hm, I don't suppose there's even a word to describe it. I'm sure there's not. Anyway, then J and I went home, and I felt a lot better driving home than I did when I left K's house... I chilled with my bro and took him to Barron's house (the dog) to take care of him. Those people seem to leave on vacation increasingly often. Well, they are now both retired... Then we came home and I had pizza with WAY too much sauce on it and also some root beer. Now everyone is at Smiths but me and Kristen. I wrote thank you cards... just because. And I also (miraculously) practiced piano. I was flipping through one of my books and saw Til There Was You. And I knew that I'd heard that song somewhere, and then it hit me: the Wedding Singer. I watched it yesterday... Hm. So, I think that on Saturday at my lesson I'm going to ask to bypass all the songs in between and play Til There Was You (I played it a little just now; I like it). It's apparantly from The Music Man, a musical (who'd have guessed?). Sigh. Yeah, I don't like the C word... collages. Shudder shudder. I didn't do miraculously on the SATs... in fact I'm not too pleased with my score. ARG. It's this big stupid deal, this collages thing. It's this huge, massive, important, imposing event looming ever closer... I guess I can keep shoving it to the back of my mind, but time is running out. Certainly within the year I must decide/ apply/ get things straigtened out. Sometimes I want to go west (Cali!), sometimes east east east (Virginia, perhaps?), sometimes I fall in love with the vast blue Southwest sky and never ever want to leave. Hm. So, in order to better/ affect my future not exactly directly, I think I'm going to actually do my homework. Finish precal, yes. Do stats? Hey, that's pushing it. Well, whatever. I keep batting back and forth between caring a whole whole lot and wanting to do amazing in life and get a great job (whatever that is...but don't get me started) and not caring so much, things like test scores and grades and colleges really don't matter in the big scheme of things. Yeah. Guess I'm off to do hw...

Cough cough cough

I'm still sick. I'm very sick of being sick. It's the worst. Almost as bad as I feel right now. It's really weird. Okay, let me explain. It isn't this horrible sharp awful feeling; it's more of this dull depressed feeling. That's it. Right now, all of a sudden, I'm kind of depressed. I lied before; it's not even really that bad or that powerful, but it's still there. I was fine all day, just tired. But now I'm tired as well as mildly sad. I really have no reason to be, but I am. I think it was the visit I just took. I mean, the drive to J's was fine, and I thought we were having a good time, but then K and I had to leave. We opened J's card and then I left. I about died in the driveway ( I had this horrible coughing fit). Then we drove home. It made me sad. I also want to finish the Wedding Singer. And maybe start a book. It's okay, sherri, it's okay. I'm still coughing. Even now. I hate it, hate it. Oh yeah... didn't do any hw yet. At allllll. Hm. Oh well, I guess that's what tomorrow's for. I'm gonna go take my antibiotics, and have a drink.... of water, of course! Also, my blog is really boring, so I'll add a picture. Of something...


This is my frog... Dmitri... I named him after one of my friends... and he reminds me of Paul, whom I miss. Like him (the frog)?

FINALLY

AARG! I'm finally home now. We were in SF all day; it was crazy.

Finally my internet is working again! It wasn't working allllll day yesterday..


Happy birthday to Kels! Couldn't post yesterday.


I'm still uber sick.

17

Okay, now I'm officially 17. Officially. 10:40. I asked my mom.

Woooo!

Yeah.. Now I'm going to bed.

All in all, very good birthday

Ah. Contentedness. Thank you to everyone that made it a good birthday. My first gift was the 2 hour delay, which meant I got to sleep in until 8:30 instead of 6:30. So I ended up getting about 6 and a half hours of sleep! Yes! (Pretty good for the killer amount of precal and stats that I did). I got so many gifts from so many people... and I still have more coming! English was amazing; before English was even more amazing... Ms. B. got me a gift!!! I was pleasantly surprised. Anyway, we had a discussion in English, and I read my most recent memoir, which I'm pretty happy with. Precal... boredom as usual. Stats.. even more boring, if that's possible. Lunch... Key Club and bio corrections. Yearbook.. didn't do much. Got a quote from some Sophomore named Riley. Oh yeah, and I looked at old yearbooks. After school 'the three musketeers' (as someone once put it..) went to bio and finished corrections. Huzzah! 6 weeks: over! I don't have to panic until next six weeks. Then we explored this huge snow mountain at Sullivan Field; it was basically the most amazing thing ever. Here's a picture we took at the top of the mountain:

3 mondo cool and all-around awesome gals



Me on the mountain!! Isn't it amazing?

We met 2 6th grade girls there. We chilled. Then, we drove home and chilled yet again at my house, and Kelsey made us grilled cheese. I guess it's kind of a tradition? So, we danced like fools, ate food, and looked at pictures. My family and I then went to "family night" at my little brother's school, and we basically built towers and played with trains and read books. We all had a rollicking good time. Then we went to De Colores to eat dinner. Came home, at cake, opened presents. My sister and I watched a movie.

So, despite my pounding temples and my excruciating sinus pain, I, all in all, had a very good birthday. Very different from the last. I'm a pretty happy camper right now. Sigh.

17.

Happy birthday to me..

Well, I thought I'd take a break from homework and post, because I just now looked up at the clock and realized, "Hey, it' s my birthday!" So, yeah. I'm now 17. Woo hoo.

Hey, guys, c'mmon . Gimme a break, Mr. P and Mrs. S. Leave me a lone ; it's my birthday. Yeah. Basically I'm gonna be up about another hour or 2. Haven't even started on stats....

What a great start to a birthday. Oh yeah, today I find out what I got on the SAT...

Valentines.. mumble mumble..

Hm. Well, yesterday my computer was acting up a bit, so I couldn't actually post, but I did write something. Oh well. It really wasn't very important or long anyway.

So.... Happy Valentine's Day, I suppose. What a weird day. I, being quite single and quite happy, actually don't mind it. Some hate it, and wear black on this day. Some people love it (maybe because of the candy?). Candy is nice... Even so. Just another day. I'm pretty indifferent. But I felt I should somehow commemorate it. I'm eating some Valenine's candy right now...

Still sick; slowly recuperating. Cough. Slowly but surely. Ick.

Another "ick" is the fact that the 6 weeks is over.. what? tomorrow?!?! Yeah. That's one big Ick. Mostly because I have 3 not-so-nice grades right now. I've got to finish bio test corrections; that's one thing I do have control over...

Hey! One last thing about Valentine's.... except not now. Because the bell is about to ring. I'll post it later. It's pretty funny.

Dying..

I'm eating Garlic Bread right now, and averting my doom. I'm gonna die. I have a mountain of Stats, an even bigger mountain of Precal, and a HUGE, MEGA English Project due. Tomorrow. Everything. I like Garlic Bread....

I'm gonna be up late. Oh yeah. Here's how it's gonna go for the next couple of days. I go to school, I come home, I do stuff, I stay up til like 1 doing tons of homework, and then I take some Nyquil so I can actually sleep. I wake up groggy. Repeat.

The ramblings of a sick chick (Warning: very long)

So. Yeah. You guessed it. Still sick. It seems most everyone is. Well, at least a whole bunch of people that I know anyway.. Mr. Y is still sick. That's the reason I have the entire period to do absolutely nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. So, for the first portion of the period, I looked through my sketchbook (yes, in the semi-darkness). Then I drank some water and read some stuff on the internet. Including my recent blogs. But I read them from another's perspective. One person's in particular. I thought of how she would come to know so much about me by reading some of these ... yet, she already knows a lot. And I freely toss out more and more information to her every day (or every other day..). Hm. So now I am here. Blogging away. Barely able to breath. In my own little room, my own little safe haven. I like it in here. It's just so calming, way more calming than usual, in a way. The whole day has been like this. Just.. relaxed. I don't know if it's just me, but it seems to be the entire world. Well, my entire world anyway. Let's do the obligatory, bland run-through of the day, shall we? In English we had a pop quiz. Normally this would be a piece of cake, but considering that I read chapter TWO about a million aeons ago, I realized I probobly would not remember a lot of it. And it turns out that I was mostly wrong... though I did forget the last question.... and I kind of BSed the 2nd to last, so I kind of doubt she'll give me credit. Heck, she might, though. Considering I told her that I finished the book. I don't really know what possessed me to do that; I never have before (told her about the fact that I finish books within the week she assigns them). Anyway, where the heck was I? Right. English. So we took the quiz; whatever. There goes my 99.6 (oddly enough, that is probobly my temperature right now). Then we did this cool activity, which I basically figured out, typed, and organized by myself.. It was this thing where each student was given one sentence (from WWtN), and then they had to write a sentence after it. And we passed the papers around the room, continuing like this. Some of the stories were prettty darn funny. Went to bio. Pretty uneventful and very relaxed. We finished that one packet.. the MATH packet... Well, okay, it wasn't all math, but it seemed like it. Parts of genetics is really interesting, like Nurture vs. Nature, but other parts are just not nice. Student Aiding was pretty cool. It was also relaxed. I first read this story, which was told in degrees. Like, "105- The highest temperature I have ever had. My father was scared half to death.." blah blah blah. And it goes into cold temperatures fairly quickly. And it tells how this teenager, Liz, falls through ice and dies/ drowns. So anyway, I had to read the story and write up a bunch of "questions for thought," which I then had to type up. Tomorrow, that's what our class is going to be doing (answering the questions, that is). So, great. I basically will be teacher tomorrow... considering she's not even going to be there! Really. I will be the pseudo-teacher and will have to explain everything to the class. And who better to explain it than the person who had to write it all? It may seem a tad like I'm complaining, but I'm really not. I actually really like it, these jobs that she gives me. I suppose I have proven competant in other areas, so she figures, "What the heck? She seems to be enjoying herself anyway." And I do. It's pretty much always fun work, never mundane grading or anything. Yeah. She leaves those jobs for herself. So I typed up the questions, and came back. We talked the remainder of the period. With time, you become accustomed to almost anything; you feel more and more comfortable doing something the more you do it. Like driving. Or drawing. Or even typing (I used to take forever to type one measly paragraph, when I was in elem. Now I think I might rival my mother). I think we are both getting used to me student aiding; we're more relaxed, comfortable. I know that I now just blurt out things without even thinking, something I surely would not have done before break or even a month ago. But now I do. Now I feel comfortable.. relaxed. Now we just talk. She talks (I like that part), and then I talk and talk.... And she listens. It's cool; I like it a lot. Continuing on with my relaxed day, I traipse out of her room (for the 2nd time after showing..... Alrice a drawing..) in a relaxed manner. I walk into E-wing before realizing "Oh... Crap... Guess I should be taking that stupid stupid precal test, huh..." So, sighing, but not worried in the slightest, I head for B-2. I walk in, politely greet Mrs. S, and begin the test. The entire time, I'm not worried at all, nor fretting, .... nor caring. Despite the fact that I really didn't know what I was doing. Despite the fact that I probobly failed it. I just worked the whole time, and I even asked her a few questions. And I didn't care that I went into 4th period by a few minutes. But the entire time was really weird. I finished the test, and.. it struck me what was weird. She was being actually nice! Very nice. I dunno, but it may be that we were both hacking our lungs out, and we formed this sort of odd compainionship over just this one lunch period. I've heard this before, but now it (kind of) seems to fit. "The enemy of your enemy is your friend"... or something like that. We were allies in a battle against sickness. Okay, maybe I'm reading way too much into things, and making this overly poetic, but hey. It was nice.. her niceness. But I'm sure that tomorrow things will once again return to how they should be. Well, maybe not how they should be, but, how they inevitably are. So, Mrs. Niceforaday wrote me a note so I could get into comp sci (though I never needed it). And here I sit. Typing away. My sketchbook to my right, my water bottle to the left, and Mrs. S's note beside that. You know, I'm toying with the idea of keeping the note (like I have before with other teachers' notes..). Just to prove to myself and the world that, yes, things don't always happen like you expect them to. People do act differently than they usually do, on rare occations. Rare, random occations? Maybe. But I really think that she was feeling at least some small degree of sympathy for me.... maybe? After all, I sound pretty yucky. I sound worse than I look... which really is saying something, considering I have a bright red nose and liquid trying with tremendous effort to abide the laws of gravity and decend out of my nose. Oh, but it won't win... at least I'm trying. ... But I think I'm fighting a losing battle. I am off, in search of some tissue.. or ... something! Aaggh! Okay. I'm back. I found some toilet paper and I blew my nose. [Note: Hoo, boy! I just need to add this in. It was the craziest thing that happened just now. So I'm in here, right? Typing away. And then the sub comes in to check on me, I guess. Well, right as she walks in and looks at the screen, I am typing the word "toilet." And then I stop and look at her. And then look at the screen again. And back at her; she is looking at me with her eyebrows raised in an expression that seemed to read, "Ookay.. weird kid." Then she walked out. Just... thought I'd add in that little, amusing (to me, anyway) anectode.] Anyway. To continue on, I never realized there was a bathroom up in the loft. Ever. But when I was getting the... toiletpaper.. I went into a little room and found a door, which led to the... bathroom. Weird. Okay. Now the sub is telling everyone to log off, because "I leave at 3:05! Not any later! I leave at the bell.." blah blah blah. Okay. I'm through. This is long enough anyway. Wow. This is killer long. Hm. At least I wasn't bored all period. Just chillin'.

Uuughh

Still sick. I'm basically a bucket of snot. And, oh yes, vividly colored. I honestly think I went through a total of, well, hundreds of tissues today alone. I look like Rudoph the red-nosed reindeer.
What a lame 100th post, huh?

I finished WWtN.

Kuhn is a genious.

So now I'm sitting here at my computer, tissue in hand, absentmindedly wiping my nose. My tea is sitting here in front of me, cooling down so I can drink it. I just had an im conversation that was about the topic that I most loath (no, not chemistry... no, not precal). It should have been very emotional and deep.. but it really wasn't. It kind of surprised me. Sigh. I kind of don't really care anymore. Is this what it's like to grow older, to grow into an adult? Do adults just begin to not care as much about trivial things? I think that's how it must me. Because I know that when I was younger, I felt things with such emotion. Things were always such huge deals. Like even the end of freshman year. I turned a situation into a huge ordeal. My life was completely turned upside down over some stupid thing. If that same thing happened today(that is I found out that some guy I know was smoking) I'd be like, "whatever. It's your life. It's completely idiotic to smoke, but, hey, I'm not going to stop you." And I'd move on. I think that's the kind of attitude I'm beginning to have. It's just that alllll those years of my past are part of me too. A great teacher once told me that, oh how did it go?, that, "Who you are at any given moment is predicated by who you were." We are composed of our past. If I could somehow distance myself from all those years of ignoring it, looking the other way, then I could easily say, "Know what? It's not a big deal." But I'm beginning to think that all these years, I have been wrong in just covering up the past. We're reading part of Family Secrets in English. Annette Kuhn says (I realllly like the following passage. Really. ):

"... But it is not, surely, to be concluded from this that the past is better left undisturbed. These 'shadows' are a proper part of life, and must not - indeed they cannot- be split off from what is more agreeable or acceptable, to be simply hidden from sight. For the repressed will always return, and more often than not in some infinitely more ugly guise. Bringing the secrets and the shadows into the open allows the deeper meanings of the family drama's mythic aspects to be reflected upon, confronted and understood at all levels. This in turn helps in coming to terms with the feelings of the present, and so in living more fully in the present. "

I love that passage, absolutely love it. It is like the theme of my life. I love it. It's like she's speaking directly to me. Me alone. I must remember to take it to heart. At the present time, I do not have much desire to delve into the past and explore it by talking to other people about it, but I earnestly want to delve into my own past, my own memories. That's fine. And I should understand that if I ever want to do the former, I certainly can. I shouldn't feel restricted just because it is a topic we never talk about. I really like Family Secrets, even though some parts I can't quite grasp. I wish we were reading the whole thing of FS, instead of WWtN. Some people that I've talked to in my class really hate this memoir unit, but I don't. It's just different.

Like me.

I hate my shadow.

Crap. Ack. Man. I hate this. I hate today. It's bad enough that I'm sick and feel like crap, and that I have to miss Topper Review (something I've been really looking forward to for a long time), but now this. Arg. This is so stupid. Why now? Why? I hate February. I hate my birthday. Why did he have to call? I foolishly had hoped that everything would be fine once I wrote that memoir. But no. Life goes on. And I continue to be haunted by this shadow. I can never be free from this shadow. Never. My whole life I will walk with this dark secret clinging to me. I can't just take it and kill it. I can't hide from it. It will always be there, haunting me... taunting me... ripping at my sanity... lurking with a sinister smile on its face.

Yeah. Today sucks. I'm gonna go read West With the Night.

My mom is still on the phone...talking... talking... pause... talking......

.....

JUST MAKE IT GO AWAY!!

Sick sick sick

I am sick.

Yesterday I went home after first period (English). My voice was extremely hoarse, and my throat was killing me. But I went to school anyway, because of my precal test that I did not want to miss. I realized I really should not take a test when I feel like crap. Ms. B said I should go home right away. She told me, 'Sherri, if you were my daughter, I'd tell you that you need to go home and rest.' So, after English (we had a discussion, by the way. Not the best thing when your throat is on fire), I borrowed Ms. B's phone and called mom. I sped home, feeling ready to just crash in my bed. I got home, slept for a long time, and then I had to go back up to LA for a doctors appt. that my mom had made for me. I don't have strep, I just have a croup-like thing. Well, I thought I was sick yesterday. This morning I woke up with a really high fever (I didn't have a fever at all yesterday). I drank some tea and took two Ibuprofen, and took a nap. I woke up drenched in sweat but feeling a lot better. I took a shower, talked to K on the phone a little, and now I'm here.

I'm so frustrated though!!! I realllllllly wanted to see Topper Review this year! I don't know if I'm going yet, but it's kind of unlikely, since I still have a slight fever. And a cough and sore throat. Arg. I hate being sick.

Stalling...

I'm stalling. No denying it. I'm pretty much jamming out to music and oddly not worrying about the precal test tomorrow. It's basically going to suck the life out of me tomorrow. But hey, who cares? I'm not usually this "I don't give a crap," but today I am for sure. I just had a good day today; I'm not letting something stupid ruin it. And know what? I was just flipping through an old book of mine. It's a biography of Charles Schulz. Did you know that he failed out of 8th grade? And in highschool, he didn't do much better. He flunked several classes, like geometry and junior physics. Among other things. And look what he grew up to be! That book gives me an odd sort of hope, a distant dream. I got the book in.. 6th grade? I think. Well, I got it with a sort of admiration of this man. I mean, seriously, Schulz, Watterson and Borgman and Scott are the men I look up to. They all fall in the same category. Great cartoonists. I got the book and a tiny seed was planted, a distant dream. Looking at the book re-ignites my dream. Did you know that he got his first drawing published when he was 17? That sounds kinda familiar.... Well, here's a tribute to a great man. He died 7 years ago. (Well, almost. He really died the 12th of Feb, I think). Hats off to you, Charles.

Yayyy

A days never fail me. I didn't post yesterday, did I? Hm. Oh well. I guess I just didn't have anything interesting to.. Wait one second! I did have interesting things happen to me yesterday! Pre-cal was amazing... It was Mrs. S's birthday yesterday, and the entire Men's Ensemble came in and sang happy birthday. That was pretty cool. And she kept saying profound, and that made me snicker uncontrolably again... In Stats, things were even more interesting! Mr. P screamed. Loudly. And the class was pretty rambuncious (sp?). Also, I snuck out at 12:20 to go meet my mom in the parkinglot, to get my classring stuff that I forgot. Well, she also had gotten food for me (I didn't have a lunch either), and she told me to stuff it in my shirt. I ended up running back to Stats with my classring packet and check, as well as french fries hidden in my sweatshirt. Yeah. That was great. Yearbook was pretty cool too. Let me just tell you people. You are going to love the last page of the yearbook. Just trust me.
Now for today. Like I said earlier, A days never fail me. Today was no different. I had an amazing day. I'm in comp sci; we just watched Star Wars. Bio was fine, I guess. Student Aiding? Impecable. We talked the entire time. It was really cool.

Yuck

Yeah. It's 9:30, and I haven't even started precal. Great, Sherri. Nice. Oh well. Whatever. I'm getting to be quite good at 'speed-doing' my homework.

In other news, my brother barfed on me today. Nice, bright blue yogurt. Oh yeah, and he has an ear infection, and we had to speed up to the hospital, with him wailing in the backseat.

Precal, here I come. Maybe.

that awesome A-day feeling again

I'm in comp sci now.. just finished a few assignments and now I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs, figuratively. It's kind of hard to twiddle your thumbs and type at the same time. And I'm in a different seat again. I kind of like not staying in the same seat twice. I don't think I've ever actually sat in this spot ever before, and last time I sat all by myself in the little room, which I actually liked the best. Before, I thought that I was one of the slow ones (because our very first assignment I wasn't nearly first one done), but apparantly I'm not. Almost everyone is still working. Oh well. It really doesn't matter in the least.
And yes, A days continue to amaze/ cheer me up! Go A days! Here are some examples of my amazing A-day: - First, my mom actually made a sandwich. A very very good sandwich, carefully, meticulously crafted with tender love and care. Or something like that...
- Second, I remembered to call when I got to school, which in turn made my mom very very happy ("Yes! Sherri actually listened for once! I'm doing something right!") And that happiness will radiate and spill over into this afternoon when I go home. And that will make for a pleasant afternoon.
-Third (Oh, yes, it gets better), in English we got put into groups. Our group got the hardest topic. Now, some people would be puzzled at this. Why in the world is she happy that she got the hardest task? Well, she told us she gave it to our group, because we were the ones she thought were capable. I like being called capable. And we worked diligently, preparing questions for our discussion tomorrow.. our graded discussion. Oh boy. Well, it'll be fine.
-Fourth, I took a math test! Best of all, I didn't forget to take it. And I got out of bio (which isn't actually a good thing, but hey. I actually really like going to bio).
[long time passes]
Okay, now I'm back. I was doing stuff, like playing games, and also completing another assignment. Where was I? right.
-Fifth, student aiding was amazing! At first it wasn't... I had to copy a million things that she was borrowing from Ms. Stu. And she seemed extremely unhappy. But then I came back and we talked for a long time. She told me she hated putting in grades, and we talked for a while. Then she had me type up an assignment for my class, which was totally rockin' awesome (assigning point values and such). Then I copied it, cut it, and put it in a folder. We talked for the remainder of the period, actually sustaining an intelligent conversation. Ha. And she said she liked my drawing I drew on the chalkboard (she was gone for the first 10 minutes of the period, so I just picked up the chalk and started drawing). Yeah...
-Sixth, lunch was amusing. More so than usual. Eating in that room is usually fun, but today it was just intensified for some reason. Maybe because I think bugging J is incredibly entertaining.
-Seventh (I'm not running out of ideas yet!), I was able to quickly program. I got 3 things done today, with ease. Which is kind of weird... Maybe next year will be bearable. No, more than bearable. Enjoyable. I discovered that several people in here are taking a bunch of comp classes next year too. Hrm.
Let's keep this "Awesome A-day" feeling alive! I'm really liking this feeling; I don't know what it is. But let's keep it alive, extend it into B-day territory tomorrow. Hey, at least no test tomorrow, right? At least no stupid stats hw, right?

Now for some other junk, just because.
(admission 699 699)
"Reject"
CL-USER> (admission 699 730)
"Wait List"
CL-USER> (admission 790 890)
"Accept"
CL-USER>

I close with that.

Dork dork dork of the dork

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/6320733.stm

I'm a dork. Yes I know.

It will all be over July 21st.

My dreams of 7/7/07 have been squelched forever...

ah well.

Irked and over-worked

I am irked. In several ways. One, ArcaMax publishing isn't putting any new Zits comics up; they're just using archaic comics (and they're not even that good in my opinion). Come on-- bring on the recent stuff! They've just been putting out these old comics for a while now. It's starting to bug me. Here's the link, by the way. http://www.arcamax.com/zits/
Another thing: Today has been generally good, but there were these little jabs throughout the day that got to me. Like in English when everyone, including me, was being chicken, not wanting to answer her question (dealing with some odd poem or another). I just really didn't know. Turns out it really was as simple as I thought it couldn't possibly be; I was over-analyzing (as I am wont to do recently..) and was making it much more difficult than it actually was. Arg. That was just frustrating and pathetic.
Then in Pre-cal (this actually wasn't that bad, I was just mad at myself for it), I was in a weird mood... I broke into a laughing fit and I couldn't stop. At all. For the life of me. I tried, but I only laughed harder and harder. And people began to notice. Ah, I love sitting where I sit, but maybe it's not the best thing. I can't contain myself. The whole reason I was laughing in the first place was one of J's comments...
And then came a severely annoying almost painful jab... the stats test. I can only cross my fingers and eyes and t's and hope for the best. Ick.
Yearbook was okay, though I really didn't get what I wanted to do done. I'll just do it next time.
Meanwhile, tomorrow I will be better. Won't spontaneously burst out snickering in any class (I hope). Won't clam up and not say anything in English, while she stares around the room and at me, her eyes pleading, "Say something for Pete's sakes! Come on, people." Won't totally BS a stats test.
Instead, I'll be warm and cheery and couth and cavalier and charming and witty and ... enthused (eat that, Lina). And I won't won't won't forget about that math test I'm taking during biology. Psh. Great. One more time I'll be forced to be in Shockey's room more than I usually am... I need the extra credit, basically.
Yeah, got off on a little tangent. Now for the one last thing that irked me/ is irking me. Yeah, you guessed it, the H word (homework...). I've got a bunch of reading in West With the Night (which I'm not actually enjoying so far, which is rather uncharacteristic of me this school year. Sherri not enjoying a book for English? No! Not possible!), and a reading quiz tomorrow. And bio... not to mention pre-cal. It's really not that much, per se, it's just the fact that it's so stupid and pointless. Oh yeah, that reminds me (somehow..); I'm going to ask Ms. B. tomorrow if she is existentialist. She named her dog Kierkegaard, for Pete's sake. hm...
Okay. I think I need some ice-cream, to cool my brain and mouth and temper and thoughts. That's what I'll do.

Pondering

I have actually not done anything but stay on the computer since I last posted; I didn't go do yearbook or anything else.

I am in one of those weird, contemplative moods. I was like this earlier today.. at church. I'm one of those people that, well, I'm not always talking about my faith. I don't bring up religion very often, I'm not obsessed, I don't let it consume daily life, but I certainly still have it. Also, I have recently become more interested in at least looking at what others believe, at least more than I was before. Before, I just followed the motions, did what I was told. Recently, I have been thinking a lot. A Lot. And have been trying to reason things out. This is like November, kind of, when I was having a brief, sullen, thoughtful few weeks. Anyway, I've been trying to make sense of it all. And of course that is impossible beyond impossible. The human mind is great and all; there's so much it is capable of doing and understanding and inventing. But it definitely has limits. There's so much a human being isn't in any way capable of understanding/ comprehending.

There is so very much I don't (and CAN'T) understand... so much I don't know.

But that's okay; I won't spend my effort and time trying to make my human mind understand things I know it cannot. I've decided that I've just got to say, "Hey, it's okay. I don't know.. and that's fine."

I think it's important, though, to think things out, though. It may be easy to just go along mindlessly completing the motions, reciting memorized passages and such. I'm not saying memorizing creeds is bad in itself (it's not)... but there needs to be that meaning behind it. You need to be justified in saying and doing things. Don't go to church or recite things or sing just because that's what you're 'supposed to do' or you're 'expected to do.' Rather, do these things because of your own faith. Do them for your own growth. Don't do things just for the re-assuring routine, that sense of familiarity that is so comforting. Rather, do them out of your own choosing, your own necessity, your own love of God. [end note: I'm not preaching here or anything; this is merely more of a note to myself than anything...]

So, that's kind of been my thought process. There's also the whole thing (of course.... meh..) of what I am going to do with the rest of my life. There's the nagging parents and other adults, the nagging ever-ticking clock, and even the nagging in my own head. I need to make important decisions. That's a fact. I don't know exactly when I need to make those decisions, but 'the sooner the better' is pretty much the best way to cover it. My problem is that I am not a very decisive person. It's not that I think the outcome doesn't really matter; it's that I think the outcome matters a great deal. There's so many things I would like.. I just want to make everyone happy, including myself.. But I've got a sneaking suspicion that that isn't a very possible task (making everyone happy, that is). Hrm. I have more to say on this and other matters, but I don't know how to phrase it or put it into words of any kind. Just picture a general unsettled/pensive/lost feeling emanating from my body. I'm beginning to hate the "C" word, by the way... (Collages!)

Pondering...

Superbowl, Yearbook, and Pixar's amazing animation

So. The superbowl. The American tradition. I don't actually know if I'll watch it; I only watch it for the commercials. Last year was pretty weird. J, L, and I went to Drew's house to watch it, and it was just odd. Very.

I'll probably just end up watching some of the superbowl. And working on things, like yearbook. Precal? Eh, who cares. But yearbook, I actually want to do. I finally made it work, now I can get to it in Photoshop and work on outlining. I'm extremely excitied.. this yearbook is going to ROCK! Just you wait and see...

Not last night, but the night before, my sister and I watched Toy Story 2... I had forgotten how good that movie is. It may seem pretty infantile of me to just watch/talk about "kids' movies," but, really, it is amazingly animated. And has a good plot. But the animation is spectacular. Pixar is basically the best. Example: In many scenes, there is a shiny wooden floor, and the characters are actually reflected in the floor. And that's just one example. The attention to minute detail is amazing.

exploring

Is this really my first February post? Hm. Weird. I don't actually have much to say.. my parents and brother are in Albuquerque (actually probobly almost home now). And after school, I totally finished with yearbook for the year. Well, no, not really. I know I still have at least a few more things that I personally have to get done... which is going to be kind of hard this weekend, considering our scanner's broken. I took two 'sugar pills' today, which probably wasn't the best decision. At lunch I made K and J listen to a song that everyone in the world hates except for me (though I admit it is pretty creepy). It's called "She had some horses," and it's actually poetry read to this weird music. It's kind of like... Bob Marley meets Elevator music meets a solo Jazz Saxophone... meets something else that I can't quite put my finger on yet. (It's by Joy Harjo, by the way...) We were listening in Ms. B's room, and kind of jamming out, hoping she wouldn't come back in. Good times, good times. Bio was cool too, ha ha, we found out about Rodney and Diane. Teachers are intriguing; before this year I never was so completely interested in them. I mean, sure, I'd talk to them... I'm lucky this year to have such good teachers.. well, mostly. Before today I was seriously considering dropping AP comp sci for next year, but today I talked to Mr. Y, and he was really happy.. it was pretty weird, I hadn't conversed very much at all with him prior to today.

Oh yeah, and yesterday after school I ran around the whole hospital exploring hidden, secret passage-ways and I tripped and almost killed myself outside behind the hospital (I tripped on a planter-thing). And now I have a very large painful bruise on my right thigh. More about my hospital escapades later, I'm gonna go eat something; I'm really hungry for some odd reason.