quick update on summer

I just wanted to say that, thank the Lord, I'm finally better now. As it were, I'm eating an ice cream cone in a bikini... don't ask.. Basically I'm at home, watching my brother and sister. But, it's really hard to type one handed, and my ice-cream is melting, so, bye (for I dunno how long!) I'm going to CA in a few days too, that will be interesting.

Sick

Wow, this really, really stinks. I've been sick for the past few days.. and I still can't shake this stupid thing, whatever it is!! Gah- know what should be not aloud at all ever? GETTING SICK IN THE SUMMER!! At least during the school year it's school that you're missing, and not .. FUN! Sigh. Well, I don't really feel like typing more. Tons of stuff has happened (took ACT, lots of stories about that, lots of babysitting stories, tons more), but I really don't feel like I have the energy to elaborate. At least not now. But I felt like I should stop being a hypocrite and wishing that people would update their blogs. Oh, and right now I'm on the phone with Kelsey. Oh but I do have to write it Kelsey.. Ok, I'll stop being weird.

Heck, it's summer, aight?

I feel slightly guilty about not posting. But after all, I'm justified. I've been busy doing summer-ish things. But I just wanted to let everyone know that I might slack on posting. Oh, I'll try, yes. But I just wanted to throw out that warning. Um, so, yeah. The weekend was pretty cool. On Friday I went to my sister's school for a while, and for hours and hours on Friday night I looked for my neighbor's cat and dogs. That was exciting... I went to graduation on Saturday, then hung out. I stayed home Saturday night because my throat was killing me. I watched Happy Feet. Yesterday was pretty chill. I went to church, taught sunday school with Derek, and then stayed for a pot-luck. I chilled at my house for a bit, played with this awesome marble-maze thing. Oh, and then, Sunday night, I went to Smiths with Kelsey. And, it was just about the coolest, craziest thing everrrr: the milk we bought started leaking, and it was making a puddle on the floor, and everyone was staring at us! Haha. I loved that. Today I played in the yard with my brother, he drenched me with the dog's water; he dumped it on me. Oh, and then Kels and Julie came over and we ate ice-cream and played super smash bros. It was way cool. Oh, and we were all being Kirby once, and I swallowed Julie, and drowned myself. That was the highlight, I think, of our playing time. Then I went to Derek's house to eat hamburgers, and then we watched Robin Hood Men in Tights, which I had never seen. It's actually a really funny movie, a movie my cousin would likely enjoy. I'll have to tell him. Um, then I came home. I watched some TV with my family for once, which was weird. And, yeah, right now it's almost 2:30 in the morning. I'm only doing this because I know I can sleep in tomorrow. For once. I'd better make the most of it. Sigh. Summer is amazing. Farewell, for who knows how long. Could be a few weeks, could be a few days, could be a mere few hours.

Taking a quick break

So, right now, I'm roller-blading. Yeah, that's right. Not "I was roller-blading." I AM roller-blading. I've still got 'em on as I type. I'm chillin' with my little sister; she's scootering, and I'm blading. This is so weird not having any school or homework. Every year at this time it takes me a while to get used to it. But this year I feel like I have freedom, like, for once. It's crazy. Lately I have been feeling, like, I dunno... weird! Like, I came home at 3:00 AM... and it was FINE. I want my parents to know that I really appreciate their "loosening of the reigns," so to speak. Hm... some random thoughts... I'm wearing weird clothes today. I like 'em. Oh, now I'm going to go play gamecube! Yes. I haven't in forever!!

Woooooo!!!!

School is OFFICIALLY over!!! Yeah!!! I'm gonna go ride my bike!! With my sister!!! She doesn't want me to write her name!!! Tonight I'm going to the movies at 9:30!!! I love summer!!!

You know...

Okay, look. Yeah, I know I haven't been posting in a long time. But you know what? Heck, it's finals week. School is essentially over. It's nice outside. K? So, I've been doing a lot of chilling, just hanging out. Getting in the summer mood, if you will. Today I hung out in bio, then yearbook office for a bit, then to El Parasol, then movies. Right now I'm going to go study, kinda, for my remaining important finals. The others I don't care about. Sigh. I realllly. really. like summer. Yeah, this is a short post; deal with it.

Over

School is over. Essentially. No more classes. Today was freaky. This entire week has been! Yesterday was really cool, I hung out a bunch, went to Smiths, and El Parasol, saw Lisa at the pond. English today was sad, I was crying and Ms. B gave me a big hug; it was amazing. But honestly, I'm going to miss English, that classroom, and .. her.. sooo much. My only consolation is that I'll have her next year. She really is a great teacher, and a very cool person. Precal killed me, but at least it's OVER!! Shockey even signed my yearbook. During Stats, I went in, and the room was pretty much empty. So, I hung out with my 2 bestest friends ever. We chilled around town, Ruby K's.. Mountain.. haha. Then I meandered around at lunch. Went to yearbook, and I'm finally done with everything; I love that feeling. After school I talked with Mr. Y for a little, then headed to bio for a long while, to do test corrections. I chilled w/ Mr. T for once, and I actually got a LOT done. Things are finally coming together. In some ways I love it being the end of school, but in some ways I loathe it. I ache literally from having to say goodbye forever to some people. I'm going to really, really miss some seniors, and I'm going to uber miss some teachers... Mr. T, I'll miss you!! Ms. B. I'LL MISS YOU!! What makes things tons worse is that I won't get to see my best friends much this summer, which is very sad!

But, for now, I still will, which is cool. I'm gonna go chill tonight, maybe sleep for once. Then tomorrow, kite festival, then getting ready for prom for eons. That'll be fun.. then pre-prom party at Paco's, haha, can't wait.. then, actual prom. This weekend will be fun.

Rain..

It's raining outside right now, and I'm thinking 2 things primarily: 1) I love rain, especially the smell of it, and 2) WHY couldn't this have happened earlier?? Haha, no, it's fine. I'm elated anyway. Lately that's how it's been.

So, I went to the park today; I've still got sand in my shoes. Danny is really a funny kid; he's amazing. I love my little brother; often I forget how lucky I am.

Also, I want to say that I'm really, really glad my mom's okay. We weren't sure if she would be, but everything's fine. More than fine..

Oh.. but this is so SAD: Ms. B is super upset as of yesterday. I'm really, really worried about her. I'm not saying anything here, because I'm not sure I'm supposed to, but let's just say she is really depressed, and... all of the pictures of her boyfriend are gone... So, I was feeling really, really cruddy. I wanted to do.. something for her, so I made her a card. And today I bought her starbursts and brought her peppermint. I just hope she's okay.

I certainly am, anyway. A friend told me today that his life sucks. And I yelled a little to emphatically, "Mine doesn't!!" It doesn't. At all. All I can say..


Arg! I'm late for a talent show; my sister's playing the piano in it. Gotta run!

Happy Mother's Day

Amazing..

I officially deem The Classic Crime as amazing. My favorite song: "Who Needs Air" by The Classic Crime. It's really amazing what this song does to me... I can say the whole song now.. I rarely am able to do that with a song.. Here're the lyrics:



I long to taste adventure like the nature of the sea,
Always moving, always hiding all the creatures from beneath.
Singing silent songs of sadness my heart waits for its chance,
To dance upon the ashes of my burned up little plans.

And I stand alone before the night.
My nakedness is so clear in the glow of the moonlight.
Life is old but so short.
We are young we want more.

I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you got what I got, what I got, what I got
Who needs air?

You don't need air.

My addiction to danger like the rush of the sea,
Like a wave on the rocks the lessons crash down on me.
I don't need to prove the world to you only to myself.
So step back and look away as I dive into the swell.

I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you got what I got, what I got, what I got
Who needs air?
I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you got what I got, what I got, what I got
You don't need air.

Take me down to the river like a little child,
Take my hand and tell me its okay to be wild.
I never knew the world until I saw through your eyes,
I never knew my self until I ripped off my disguise.

I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you've got what I got, what I got, what I got
Who needs air?

I have come to the realization that life is more than what I have accomplished.
And life is more then the realization that we have accomplished nothing at all.
True success is so selfless so drown in the lyrics of your life
and give up the air that you breathe.
You don't need anything.

I don't even know how to title this.

My life.

If I sit back and think about it, my life seems very different. If I were looking at myself through someone else's perspective, I honestly don't know what I'd think.

So, I... well, I'm stumped. I have a million thoughts floating around in my brain, yet I can't get them out. Partly because of the fact that people I know read this... Haha, now is one of the times that I kind of just need to write; now is also one of the times I long for anonymity. Arg, that word reminds me of Statistics, which I'm failing.

I look again at myself right now. Who am I? I ask that, honestly, direly, to no one but myself. And it's sad because there's just silence. No one telling me the answer... it's just me. I suppose I AM who I choose to be; no one can make me do otherwise... But I am easily influenced. People impact me. Big time. I don't know why I let other people influence me so much, but I do.

Long pause. I'm at a loss for words.

There's so much I want to say, but can't.

Can't concentrate on anything...

I don't know what's wrong with me... why can't I concentrate!? My huge stats final is due tomorrow... oh boy. But, I can't seem to shake this feeling. I just doze off, constantly...

It's actually amazing.

My life is insane.

Ok, yeah, I know, I know-- I'm slacking on posting. Jeez, was Saturday really the last time I posted? I guess so. Well, I'm justified, I suppose; I've been uber busy. So, let's see, Saturday night I played gamecube with my sister and Megan for a long while before I conked out due to exhaustion. Oh, but before that I was half watching a movie and half talking on the phone for forever. Um, let's see. On Sunday? Well, I didn't really do much, I guess. Monday was... let's see. Oh, right! Yeah, Monday was pretty chill. I, um, went to the library after school. To study (ahem, cram) for the AP stats test... that was cool. Yesterday was a bit wonky. So, I went to English and Precal, then hung out til 1, when the AP test started. Ugh. We got out at almost 5. It was intense, I'll just say that. Today (finally I'm caught up to today), was interesting. So, I read a lot for a part in Macbeth. We're almost done reading it. I like, actually, quite a bit. At first I wasn't so sure about it, but it's really getting good. And it helps that she explains it, makes it lively, animated, and interesting. In bio I took that test.. ouch. I actually went to Student Assistant for once, I typed up this thing, talked to her a little, and then left early because she had to go get an allergy shot. At lunch I did bio, and ACTUALLY FINISHED CORRECTING A TEST! Now only, what, 2 more to go? Computer Science was interesting; I met John. And I wrote this super long function. And it was chill. After school, I talked to Mr. Y, John, and Derek for a while... that was ok. Ah, then, um, ... I said a goodbye of sorts and left, and Julie, Kelsey and I went shopping... Ha, after about a million eons and a lot of hard work (and a lot of laughs), I am now the proud owner of a prom dress. Uh, haha, here's the thing: It's pink. Yeah, that's right. Pink. Well, I like it anyway. It'll be fine. Ahhhh, but now, I have this gigantor Stats project due tomorrow, and I have a million little slips of paper around me. I have to decipher them, and compile them somehow into a neat, polished, typed report due at 11:05 tomorrow. Oh well, I'm sure I can do it. But, right now, to calm my nerves a bit, I'm enjoying a huge bowl of cookie-dough ice cream. I <3 cookie dough ice cream.

"Wow.."

Ok, I'm finally posting. But, let me warn you, so much freakin' stuff has happened in the past, what, 3 days? that I cannot possibly cram it all here. Nor do I want to, actually, considering people I know read this. So, let's see. Thursday was pretty much the coolest thing ever. I ditched English (Ok, let me back up, Ms. B wasn't there, so we weren't doing anything anyway). And it was sort of justified, as in Mr. Y signed a note, so yeah. Then I went to bio, and it was pretty chill. During Student Aiding I went to the loft again, which was really, really cool. I went to lunch, and got stung by a bee. Now, that wasn't actually that much fun, but it was still quite an experience. My finger got so swollen I couldn't bend it, and I was actually in a great deal of pain. I went late to comp sci because the nurse wanted to "monitor" me and my sting.
Friday, yesterday, was kind of ridiculous. I.. yeah, it's beyond ridiculous. I don't even remember what we did.. in Precal we melted pennies, that was cool.. I didn't really do much else, but I was pretty excited about seeing Spider Man 3. So, yeah, at 6:45 I saw it. I... yeah, I liked it. The... ending was kind of... surprising. Eh.. Yeah. That's about all.
Today I got up bright and early to take the SAT (again). My score from the first time actually isn't very bad at all, so I wasn't so worried. Anyway, it went alright, but my neck was insanely sore. It might have had something to do with the fact that I sat in the very front row at the movie, and, yeah, it was kind of difficult to see..
And, after the SAT, Kels, Julie and I chilled (for once which was cool) at the pond. Oh yeah, we got and Indian taco and I spilled chile all over my pants. And my shirt... Anyway, then we drove home. Now I'm here babysitting my buddy Megan. She's kind of sadistic and kind of reminds me of how Lady Macbeth might've been at age 8. She throws stuff at me, and she pinches me. Hard. Ok, I'm going to go.

But, basically, to sum up these past few days that I haven't posted... "wow."

Mayday, mayday..

Hm, well, happy May, I suppose. I'm in comp sci, and am rather bored, so I decided to post. I am.. very, very hungry at the moment (I was going to say starving, but then I realized that, no, I'm not really starving; that would be a lie). Today's kind of a ho-hum kind of day. It feels like nothing much has really happened, so there's not really much worth posting even. We read more of Macbeth in English. Took a test in bio. Typed something, copied stuff, talked a little in Student Aiding. At lunch I did a worksheet. Now we're not doing anything. That's really just about the extent of my day. Not much action. And there's no tennis today because varsity has a game or something. I need food. Ice cream, maybe. Oh, I guess worth talking about is the yb party yesterday after school. It went pretty well. We ate tons of enchiladas and other food, played pictionary, and made t-shirts. Well, I'd better go; we're being summoned by Mr. Y.

Kind of crazy day

So, today has been pretty interesting so far; I drove to SF for a community seminar at St. John’s. I drove this short, redheaded guy named Josh. We met Ms. B in a parking lot, and I followed right behind so I wouldn’t get lost going there. We got there early so we walked around. And let me just say, it’s a beautiful campus. It’s really stunning. She showed us the dorm room she stayed in, too, which was cool. Well, I then went to a seminar on Emerson’s “The Poet,” which was really, really interesting. Then we all went to a different building and I drank tons of coffee and ate a muffin. I learned a lot, actually, about Ms. B. We walked back to our cars, still talking, and then out of nowhere I realize my thumb is bleeding. I don’t know how, but it was. So she fishes around in her purse and produces a band-aid for me, as I stand there sheepishly, feeling like a little kid. It was kind of crazy. Then I drove home.

I went on a long, long, run with my mom, too, later on, which was kind of weird. We went like, all over the place, and I kept on running around, waiting while she walked. I’d say we ran 3 miles, and it took 31 minutes (partly due to the fact that I kept having to backtrack for us to stay together). It was pretty fun though; I love running. Especially long striding down steep hills. Even though it’s kind of scary…

Oh, also, here’s something kind of scary/freaky. So, I was making a pretzel a little while ago, and I look down and there’s a bunch of blood dripping down my arm. I kind of freak out, because I didn’t feel anything happen. But some way, somehow, there’s a gash in my finger. So I run to the bathroom, stick my finger under cold running water, and put a band aid on. I don’t know what’s going on with me today! My fingers randomly bleed!

Okay, well, I’m going to go help make enchiladas.

Insane

Okay. I officially admit it. I. Am. A. Psychopath.

But a happy psychopath. Hm, I think so, anyway. Things are different this time around…

So basically my day went all right, nothing special. Went to English; watched a movie about Shakespeare. Went to Bio; talked about extra-terrestrials. Went to Student Assistant; ranted with Ms. B. about the system and how we should over-throw those in charge; went to Ms. B’s room for lunch, then Bio; got called a liar a bunch of times by my friends. Went to comp sci; watched Strong bad emails and listened to people talk about prom. All right. Nothin’ spectacular, right?

So, then, after school, my friends stole my phone, and eventually gave it back. Then I gave a friend a ride to Orange. Ah. Then, I went to tennis and …. said friend came too. It was really pretty interesting. I then went to Starbucks for a bit.

I love Starbucks.

The rest of my day was crazy too.

Annnnny way… now I’m going to go derive more formulas! Fun, fun, fun…

Deriving is “deriving” me crazy!

I'm a "creeper"

I'm babysitting my buddy Kate right now. And let me tell you, I'm diggin their new house. So, I really don't have much to say, except for my life is really wacko. In a good way wacko, yes, but wacko just the same. In English we're doing Macbeth, which is pretty much rockin' awesome amazing. The CD that goes along with it really makes it interesting. And tomorrow we're actually acting part out, and I'm Lady Macbeth, apparantly. I'm pretty stoked. But seriously, I really love it. And I love to see her go absolutely batty over it; she's kind of obsessed. Ok. Anyway. Macbeth is pretty cool. In precal, I took a quiz on green paper for the first time in my life. I did basically amazing on it. In stats, eh.. It was ok. Oh yeah, except that I was being a complete nutcase (maybe this had something to do with the 3 coffees I drank today). Lunch was cool. Ha ha ha. I feel like a total miscrient. Is that even a word? I dunno. Yearbook was cool- one word: stickering... joy.. It was actually pretty cool. We just sat around and talked, and it felt like we were one whole yearbook staff for once. Tennis was pretty awesome.... except I ripped my jeans! And it is kind of at.. not the most opportune place. So, yeah. I mean, no, I'm not like fat, they're just old. I mean, they've got about 20 million other rips.. I don't want to part with them!!! Ok, now I'll stop rambling on. Wow, these people are so nice. Okay, so they're offering me tons and tons of food, all the food I could ever want! So, I'm eating this awesome coffee bar. It's like, mocha, so it's sweet and coffee-ish. It's really really cool. I'm gonna go watch Dora and continue being a "creeper," as Julie would say...

Wow... my life.. is...

Insane. That's what I would label myself as, if I was into that sort of thing. But seriously. My life is totally crazy. Do you ever find yourself going, "Woah, what the heck just happened; what have I done?" kind of deal? Maybe?? Well, I get like that sometimes. Now is one of those times. When people hear about this, they'll probably just roll their eyes and go, "Yep. That's crazy Sherri again..".

Let's just say things are looking up.. I guess?

We'll see how things play out from here......

My life is certainly no longer mundane.

It's the best day everrrrrr!

So, today is pretty rockin' awesome. It seriously was a very, very good day. First off, I woke up early and everything. (I actually didn't get much sleep). And then Janey, the dog I'm watching, went outside like an angel dog. No problems. (Ha, unlike last night when it took seriously like an hour to get her to come inside...). And then I had starbucks, which was amazing as usual. English was cool. Oh, yeah! I got a 182/ 180 on my frickin' essay!! Who'd have guessed? I seriously, seriously thought I'd barely scrape a B. A miracle, I tell you! She doesn't hate me (this morning I was kind of sad because we were being all distant or whatever, but I realize we just hadn't had our coffee yet). Yeah!! Bio was pretty cool. Student assistant was cool; I typed up this film terms paper, which was cool. She's very into film apparently, and studying film elements. And then I went back to her room and talked to her for a long time. At lunch I went to Ms. S.'s room w/ Kels, and then I went to Deca. I actually like it in there.... Ha ha. There I had more coffee!!! Wooo! And then I went to comp sci, which was pretty cool because I figured out 4 assignments. I was happy. Oh yeah, then I talked to Mr. Y for a while, actually... about, (this is crazy insane weirdness), Gysbertus! (He was Ms. B.'s husband... but I won't go into detail at all...) Mr. Y is a pretty chill guy (So, hi, if you're reading this, Mr. Y....). And then.............. (at the very end of comp sci):

THE YEARBOOKS CAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We lugged tons and tons of boxes, and then finally opened one. I loveee it. Congratulations to every single person who worked on it!

Hope everyone likes it....

I really am alive, you know.

I'm alive. Believe it or not. Ha ha. Many of you have probably been wondering why I haven't posted in, what, almost 2 whole weeks?! Well, I would tell you...

Except I can't. And the reason I can't is because, well, I really don't know. I'm going to try and keep this concise, but we'll see.

This is, I think anyway, the longest I've gone without posting. So naturally it's assumed that I have a lot of catching up to do. But the truth is that, well, I don't. I mean, I certainly have some things to say.

The main thing is the Key Club Convention that I attended with my 2 best friends one week ago. We went with our faculty adviser and Kiwanis adviser, and also Noopur and Claire, a sophomore. Basically it was pretty chill; all in all I had fun. Our club got 1st place for the traditional scrapbook (and a trophy- wooo!). And also to be noted is the fact that Kelsey ran for, and subsequently won, District Bulletin Editor. Now, I realize that this probably means nothing to most of you, but to put it in perspective, she's the 3rd highest officer in our district, which is AZ, NM, and a bit of Texas too. So, congratulations, Kels!!

Other than that, nothing spectacular has really been going on. I've been trying, kind of, in math. I actually did amazing on a precal quiz, and I had so much fun at school on Friday. Oh, and last Friday was pretty cool; Ms. B. and I just sat in her room, me coloring posters and her grading essays. Oh, and we were listening to the weirdest music. It was kinda nuts. Ha ha. And she was reading me funny things from people's essays. And we were just laughing and stuff. It was really cool. Oh yeah, also this week, I ditched computer science to go to humanities, and I got all this cool footage and some pics for the yearbook DVD. And the next day Ty brought in a Turkey Vulture. Anyway...

So, a bit more about the lack of posts. I really don't know why. I suppose I was feeling like this blog title didn't fit me at all. Supersherri? I mean, come on. That's not me, I thought. One of my friends even threw out the idea that I was depressed. I seriously thought I might be. But, I dunno, I guess after a long, long shower yesterday, and all day alone today, I'm not. I'm really really not depressed. In fact, I'm better than before. I seriously debated deleting this blog. But I have decided, at least for now, I'll still keep it. (Sound familiar?). Oh yeah, also, hi dad, because I know you're reading this. So yeah, now my parents apparently read this too. I guess it's kind of a good thing.

And right now, I'm in a good mood. A really good mood. Despite having just been force-fed stringy pork roast (shiver), I'm in a very fine mood. I don't want to attribute this all to recent events, but it certainly is probably a big part of it.

Anyway, I guess that's about it for now.

So,

I'm alive!!!!

pink milk and my dorky day

Pink milk is pretty much the greatest. Well, it's technically "strawberry milk," but I prefer the terminology that I used even when I was really little. I used to really like it; I'd ask for it all the time. And then for a long, long time I really became disinterested. Just recently, though, I have become really enthralled by it.

Anyway, that's what I just finished drinking. Now I think I'm going to finish this post, and then try and do bio, then maybe go to bed early for once. Because I really couldn't sleep for some reason yesterday.

Well, today was alright, I suppose, but I was kind of a loser/dork a lot of the time. I have just recently become obsessed with drawing Lord of the Flies pictures in my sketchbook; it just lends itself so nicely to it. So, I was a dork and showed Ms. B. the picture of the skewered pig's head, and then I helped her hang up a huge piece of paper that would become the mural. In class we did more symbolism stuff, which was actually cool. If LotF was just a story about boys on an Island and nothing else, it wouldn't be really a good book. But there's so many symbols to be looked for, so many meanings to 'dig' for. And some are really cool. Sometimes looking for symbolism seems kind of bogus, but a lot of the time, it really makes sense, and I like it. In precal I actually really, really tried to learn/ pay attention. I even talked to her about coming in at lunch. In stats, we took a test... not even going to touch on that. Don't want to think about it. Anyway, at lunch, true to my word, I chilled with Mrs. S for a little bit and went over the test. I think she's actually beginning to like me. It certainly seems like it anyway: she was being uber nice. After spending a while in Precal, I kind of wandered around to bio, and outside, and it was really windy and I wasn't finding anybody, so I went to Ms. B.'s room. I just went in, said hi, and said, "Well, I guess I'll just stay here; it's windy." And then I mumbled something about how I remembered a spoon for once for my yogurt, and I flipped open Milagro Beanfield War and started reading. Yeah. I'm a dork. We didn't really say much. I just went in her room, opened a book, and started reading and eating boisenberry yogurt. What a loserish thing to do... I stayed there the whole time. In yearbook, I talked, ran around, and drew. Pretty sweet. Oh yeah, I also won this gross candy. I ditched tennis again because of the wind.

K, now I'm going to go finish bio while drinking more pink milk. Then bed....

Is it only monday??

It's kind of hard to beleive that just this morning I was groggily getting dressed, shoving food in my mouth, and saying goodbye to my granparents with coffee in my left hand, car keys in the other. Today has been a long day, but not necessarily bad. I'm glad to be back, I decided. I joyfully bounded into English with a "Hey, Ms. B. How was Virgina?" It was nice being back in that room.. we talked a little bit. But I mean, she does that whole "vague" thing. Like, to answer the Virginia question, she said, "Oh I had a lot of fun; it was really great. I saw my family and friends. All in all I had a wonderful time there." See? Nothin'. An enigma. Anyway, in English we did this stupid thing in the IMC with the guidance counselors. How to write a resume. Please. She even READ to us. The packet. Now, I'm generally quite calm and collected when it comes to being read to; sometimes I even enjoy it. But today for some reason, sitting in that oh so uncomfortable blue chair, I felt like my intelligence was being insulted. All in all, it was really a waste of time. In bio we took notes and played with strips of paper. And in student assistant, I hung up collages on the wall, talked some with Ms. B., graded journal entries, talked some more, went to go make 30 copies of something, which took forever, and then talked with her until the end of the period. Which was kind of a long time. She’s really an interesting person. We talked about yearbook, and about her high school years a little, and also her college days a litte. Oh yeah, also about the first school she taught at: a little farm school where no one went on to college and most girls either got married or pregnant, and lots of kids dropped out to go work on farms and whatnot. Crazy. So, that was about the extent of that. Kels, Julie, and I went to bio for lunch. I ran to computer science as usual, where I actually opted to do work (partly because I was right in full view of Mr. Y) and got my assignments done. I ditched tennis to go to Julie’s house; we ate strawberries and worked on the scrapbook while listening to the Beatles. Kelsey came.. then left… then came again.. We (all 3 of us total) got a lot done—yess: we might actually get this done by convention on Friday!! Maybe. Fingers crossed.

And now? Now what am I doing? I’m chewing wintergreen gum, tapping my foot against the desk, and listening to the TV in the other room. And stalling. See, I should be madly reading my stats book, as there is a test tomorrow. And, what makes it worse, is that I HAVE NO CLUE what I’m doing. I mean, at all. And no notes allowed this time. Darn. Well, gee. I should really go do that….

Soon. In a few minutes. Really.

But as for now… hm.. I think that this blog needs some spice, some color. It’s seeming a tad… drab. Ah, here we go:

This is my grandfather's foot. Can you tell I was a little bored yesterday?

And this is Pendejo, the 3 legged dog from Milagro Beanfield War. Don't ask...

Well, there you go. A little randomness is always a good thing.

Well, Easter is generally a time for families..

Families are weird. Just a fact. I don't think there's really a 'normal' family; there's always some weird thing about them. Then again, what defines family? I've lately been thinking a lot about this, on my trip and whatnot. Also, right now. See, I'm here at the computer munching chips and guacamole, listening to the Goo Goo Dolls (I haven't listened to them in an eternity), and freezing my legs off because I'm in my new, short, olive-green shorts from Old Navy. And my oma, opa, dad, mom, brother, and sister are all splayed on the floor and various pieces of furniture watching a really ridiculous movie: RV. Simply, RV. If you have not seen it, I advise keeping it that way. They think it's great humor, but it's really... not. Basically to put it bluntly, it sucks. It's pathetic. I attempted to do the whole 'good daughter, part-of-the-family' thing and watch it with them just now... but I gave up after, oh, 20 minutes. I've actually suffered through this movie many, many times. My poor poor little brother has been brainwashed into thinking it is a good movie. He actually enjoys it.. or thinks he does. Well, anyway, I just recently have been noting the whole family thing. Some families are extremely close. Some families look all alike. Family is a very interesting concept. What exactly is "family"? A group of people, a mother, father, and children? Or maybe it's just everyone living in the same household? Perhaps it is a huge over-arching umbrella that encompasses every blood relative? But really, is family just 'blood-related'? I would reply with an emphatic "No," for the simple reason that I have experienced oh so many counter examples. I won't go into details, but I will just say that I really believe that family is not simply blood related. It's somehow deeper. I really can't explain it... family is such a weird thing... And the whole family/friend thing. I mean, it's kind of like a venn diagram in some cases. Someone can be your family without being your friend... someone can be your friend without being actual family (well, duh, right?).. and someone can be a friend and family. Now, this third category is intriguing. As I think about it, I guess I would consider some people in this category... but it's interesting. Okay, so here's the deal. A friend is someone whom with you communicate/talk/relate to/chill with/etc. right? I certainly communicate with members of my family, some more than others. But I honestly don't know if I (okay, this is going to be tricky, phrasing this, but I'll try) would interact with these people if I didn't have to. And a real friend is someone who you chooose, well, mutually of course. Hm.....

Okay okay okay. Enough of this. I'm just digging myself deeper into stupid territory. On another note, spring break is basically over. In just a matter of hours, I will be yet again back in school. The way I have it stated here, it is neither a bad thing or a good thing. It is a simple fact. I suppose in a way, though, I want to go back. It's always weird coming back from a vacation, don't you think? I really dislike it. The whole catching up, what'd you do/see thing. It's really quite annoying. At any rate, it's over.

And was it good, useful, productive, relaxing, helpful? Hrm.. yes and no. I suppose, yes. Yes it was. I mean, I escaped the clutches of my math teacher for a little while, and I read 2 books. I finished The Lord of the Flies. It was interesting... I can't tell if I liked it or not. Certainly not as much as the other things we've read (like Dorian Grey, Animal Farm, even Paradise Lost..). It seemed like... a lot of nothing. I mean, I know there were events that took place, and that the book was of average length. It just kind of seemed like not much plot... kids on an island, with time they become savage and turn on each other. Yay. The other book I finished was Where the Heart Is. I liked it. Well, most of it. Some parts were definitely NOT necessary. At all. I don't even want to think about it. Oh yeah, I also got further in Milagro Beanfield War. I was hesitant at first, but decided to read it because a teacher recommended it (which is kind of surprising, actually. Her personality definitely does not fit the book.. ha ha), and discovered that I'm actually enjoying it. It's not one of those 'I cannot possibly bear to put this thing down' books. But it's not at all one of those books that I hate to pick up. Like, um, The Good Earth. Ha ha. Yuck.

Well, I'm kind of feeling guilty for not being with my grandparents who I don't get to see very often, so I'll do the whole family thing now.

Dreams

Well, okay. So my grandparents are here. It's always interesting when they visit. They're kind of health nuts, so they adore places like Vitamin Cottage and Trader Joe's. I actually relate to them a lot of the time; I actually surprisingly enjoy talking to them. I honestly get along better with my grandfather (Opa, as I call him), and actually talked to him for a long time today about, well, my spring break and also about colleges in general. I like talking to him because he doesn't berate or ridicule me in any way. He asks what I enjoy doing, and he listens more than spouting out advice.

Okay, well, anyway, I got kind of off topic. Getting back to what I was originally going to say, I have been thinking about dreams lately. It's kind of weird. I go through little phases in which I remember dreams for a few nights, and then I go back to my same old not-remembering-dreams way. I decided to relate just a few, before I forget them (just recently I had these).

First off, here's a good dream, actually. So I was in the RV, and we were going to visit my relatives (it was summer). We narrowly escaped a tornado, and we finally ended up at JMU (James Madison University). I wandered down the halls with the tour, but somehow got lost. I wandered hall after hall (all of which looked remarkably like the halls at my high school, complete with yellow lockers), and I rounded a corner and stepped into a large lecture hall. There I saw a man scribbling at big desk, and he looked up. It was Gysbertus. So, I forget the details, but I basically talked to the guy for a really really long time. He told me that he, since he was a professor, could automatically admit me. He did, and I became a humanities major. Well, then we went through his back door, which opened into Mr. T's biology room somehow. And then we walked up to Ms. B.'s room to tell her. And from there I kind of forget what happened, but there were locusts in the halls at the high school.

Okay, new dream. This one is quite interesting. I don't remember where I was or what was going on, but it was night time and I snuck into a room with a computer. I hurredly logged on and was reading a friend of mine's blog. Well, basically, I read it, and it said all this horrible stuff. Hm, how should I put this.. he was basically posting how he was vacationing at some remote spot with a teacher-friend of his. And he was posting about how they were planning murders. They were planning on murdering several students/teachers, and eventually taking over the school? The details are quite hazy, but yes. I don't know why he would even post such a thing (I would think it'd be kind of.. secret), but hey. It's just a crazy dream. It was really real somehow, though.. Weird.

Well, this one is even weirder. Man, I remember there was so much plot to this dream, but somehow it is all opaque and hazy now... let's see. I think someone stole my car, so I had to ride my bike to school instead of driving. I tried, but then there were these guards near the stoplight out of town who told me to turn around, that no bikes were allowed, only cars. So I rode around on my green bike (my bike is not green, by the way) and I came to this tavern, kind of by the current fire station, next to my brother's daycare. It was sort of a pub. I tied up my bike with rope, for some reason, and I walked in. It was dimly lit, but very busy. There was a commotion by the bar, and I walked over to see what everyone was gawking over, and there was a (don't laugh) leprechaun. He was about 3 inches tall, and quite proportionate.

Well.... I'm back

So right now I'm listening to this crazy Polish pop my mom's friend burnt for her and scarfing down some frootloops (they are pretty much the greatest thing on earth right about now). I kind of broke my thumb (not really, no worries) while attempting to wrestle my bike out of my tiny Honda just now. And, let me tell you: not a very pleasant experience. But I managed to get it, somehow, though it took about a trillion years. Anyway, as a result of my throbbing thumb, my typing is slightly impaired, and I may not be able to have the patience to type very long, though I have TONS I could/ might relate. As you may have gathered from my last (very short) post, I am now home. In a nutshell, I was incarcerated in an RV with my family driving aimlessly through the wastelands and cities of Texas, occasionally stopping to look at colleges. I really do not feel like relating my trip, as I’m sure you the reader do not feel like reading it, but I will say I met some pretty interesting people. I met this midget dude at Texas Tech named Maroof who was a petroleum engineer with a thick Middle Eastern accent. In Austin at Concordia, I met this lady with a hairy mole under her bottom lip that totally looked like a goatee. Her forhead was dappled with these huge protruding bumps. They were kind of like zits, only huge and tumor-like. She was pretty nice. I also met tons of other people, like this nice Junior English major chick with long blond hair at Texas A&M, and this Sophomore Psychology major guy with shaggy brown hair at Texas Tech that offered me and my mom an umbrella. Oh, and I met this dude with crooked teeth at an RV park, and he had the cutest Siberian husky ever. Okay. Enough of my trip, really. So, I have actually thought a lot about it, and I suppose I will keep my blog. I thought A LOT about quitting this one, and starting a new one. This one really kind of bugs me. But I looked at it, and it’s really not as bad as I thought. It just seems pretty… egotistical. All of it. Look at the f-ing title, for Pete’s sake. So, while bouncing around in our good ol’ RV with nothing really to do but stare out the window at the barren and desolate landscape, I thumbed through the map, searching blindly for a word, a name, that I could use for a new title. I never actually came up with one that way, but I ended up thinking of one on my own, influenced heavily by someone I know. So, even now, I am quite tempted to throw in the towel, so to speak, and start anew. You know, get that anonymity I have so craved at times. But then I think… wait a minute. I don’t really actually want anonymity. I want to be read, to be known. I think what I fear most at times (and this has really surfaced again and again in my mind on this trip) is… well, being alone. Solitude. You know, you can be surrounded by people and still be completely isolated. It’s weird. I mean, I kind of felt that way, standing in the drizzling and dreary rain as I stood surrounded by cold, gray concrete as thousands of strangers shuffled by me with upturned collars. I felt alone. And I think that, well, this is one way for me to be, or at least feel, connected. So. My thumb is hurting and I really should go at least speak to my grandparents. Bottom line: I was gone; now I’m back; I thought about bailing on this pathetic excuse for a blog; I ended up deciding to stick with it. What the hey. It’s something.

Home sweet home...

let me just say.... I'M ECSTATIC AND EXTREMELY RELIEVED TO BE HOME!!

SO long.. and, "so long"

Okay. I’ve been telling everyone that I’m going to go work on my essay right now. Well, know what? I’m lying. I’m writing, but it’s not my essay. I’m writing a post, and I suspect it might be quite long. It’s going to help me figure out my thoughts as I go. And at the end, I might just come to the conclusion that I’m going to have to be a copy-cat (like always), but I will inevitably get to that and explain more. Well, I don’t know why, but it seems like an eternity since my last post. I have no clue why I feel like that, but I do. I don’t even remember what I last wrote about. (By the way, I’m feeling kind of lazy, so don’t expect this to be nice and neat and separated into paragraphs; it will be scrambled and mixed up, just like my weary brain). Well. Well, well, well. Where to begin. The last time I wrote, I think it was something about, um, my sickness? I think. Yeah, it was some stupid dramatic thing. I really did feel rather like crap, but it was certainly overly spruced with drama. Yeah. Not in the mood today, folks. So, fact is, I’m feeling better, I guess. My throat’s still bugging me, but I really don’t feel like I have a fever or anything. Enough about my health; it really is quite uninteresting. Instead, here’s another fact: everyone, students and teachers alike, are getting fed up. Fact is, we’re tired. And irate. Overall, stressed, pissed, and not terribly chipper. Maybe I’m biased, but the general consensus of people that I’ve talked to/ observed is that everyone is ready for spring break. I for one am very, very ready. I think I’m ready for more than that. Ready for a break from being Sherri. Of course, that’s completely fanciful (one of my greater qualities is my knack for stating the obvious), but still, I can dream. Well, one more day. One more day, and then at least I will be away from here, for at least a little while. I certainly won’t be away from reality though; in fact, I will be right in reality’s face, as I am going to go look at a few colleges. Yeah. Well, no matter. I’m strangely not worried about tomorrow in the slightest. Well, maybe in the slightest. But just ever so slightly. I mean, right now, I ought to be writing my T.S. Eliot essay, which, if I worked as hard as I should, should take me about.. oh.. 2 hours, maybe? If I had more days, I would probably take even longer than that on it, but alas, I have a limited number of hours in which to work. Anyway, I have an essay, precal hw, stats hw, studying for precal, and studying for bio. Among other things. And, so, yes, I will probably be up very, very late, and will most likely get only a sparse few hours of sleep, but, you know what? Who really cares. I just have to push through today.. /tomorrow.. Well, think I’m done yet? You’re wrong if you think so; I’m just getting started. I really don’t know what to say as far as this next important thing goes, so… maybe I won’t say it, just yet. Instead, I’ll ramble through my insane day. I swear, someone’s out to get me.. Pretty much today everything was.. not how it should be. Life went on exactly the same, mundane way as always in this tiny, broken, pathetic little town… and yet.. things were drastically different. Turned sideways. Things were wacked. Alright. I somehow miraculously got up at 5:30ish. Jumped in the shower. Jumped out. Ate breakfast, for once (frootloops). Sped to school. Wait, I stopped at starbucks for a mocha. Parked. Walked through the freezing cold wind to English, where Ms. B. miraculously was. She must seriously get there 2 hours before school starts.. holy crap. So I walk in, and say, “Wow, holy crap.. are you always here this early??” She said, “Yeah, I try to get here about this time everyday. I like to come and get work done; it’s easier to work when no one’s here.” And I said, “You mean when we noisy kids aren’t here..” And she kind of smiled and nodded. I told her I was going to go get help in precal, even though I loathe that place. So I ran off to precal, and was honestly shocked out of my mind to find the door unlocked. So, I walked in, and we went through my old test. I was in her room for over. An. Hour. It was insane. In English we presented our posters, and she said our symbolism was good. I didn’t really talk much to her today. In precal I attempted to learn. In stats I didn’t. During lunch I was an idiot and took a precal test. I was late to yearbook. Yearbook was okay; I finished my project and it looks mighty fine. I’m really excited. Oh yeah, and I walked around with Simone and got crazy footage for the DVD.. insane!! But not as insane as what happened after school. (Wow, this is getting long, huh? I really am a procrastinator.. I should be working on my essay!! I’ll try to wrap it up, but believe me, this is long for a reason). So basically I walked to my car. I said goodbye to my friends, yadda yadda. Then—great. Where’re my keys? I dumped my backpack out searching… couldn’t find ‘em. I ran back over the overpass. I saw Mr. M, and decided to stalk him to see if he would take me to Ms. B., but instead he went into Easton’s. I then went to Mrs. S’s room… locked. Then, starting to hyperventilate slightly, I went to the office. No keys were found, but I should try again in the morning. Well, that’s just great, I thought, and wandered into the IMC. There, I attempted to catch my bearings. I mean, all day things were, as I said earlier, … not right. I mean, Ms. B. was all distant and stressed. She wasn’t mean.. no. But she wasn’t completely herself. She’s stressed; we all are. I certainly am…. And Mrs. S. was being nice.. that’s certainly different. And then, after stats… that was really unnerving to see my ex-boyfriend and some #$%^*!@%. Wait. Let’s try that again… with some $*!@. No, no.. let’s try this ONE more time: … with some… girl. Yes. With some girl. Moving on……… Back to the keys. So I was in the IMC, trying to make my head stop spinning, and so I flung my backpack down by a computer, and headed towards the bathroom. I was going to go to the sink and splash some cold water on my face to calm me down, but there was some chick in there, kind of just standing there, looking like she was waiting. So, I just went into a stall. Well, I quickly jumped back, as the toilet was kind of overflowing with some revolting gunk and I’mnotgoingintodetails. Sooo.. I went into the NEXT stall, which I found to be satisfactory.. or at least not oozing disgusting stuff… I came out, washed my hands, and then my mouth felt completely arid, so I got a nice gulp of water from the fountain. After that gulp, I felt I had things semi under control, and I went to go sit down at a computer to think. Well, just as I logged in, the lady said, “time to log out; we’re closing.” I groaned and clicked ‘log out’ as I picked up my backpack. I sat outside the IMC thinking awhile. I finally resolved to go back to my car and look for the spare key. After about 15 or more minutes of groping the underside of my car (not actually a pleasant experience, by the way..), I was grimy and forlorn. I called Kelsey. We talked. I ran to p-wing. I pounded on the door. I pounded on the other door. Finally, finallllllly, after about a million billion eons, Sarah’s mom came and let me in. We called Jesus (ha ha, as I’m typing this, I realize this sounds completely insane and completely ridiculously hilarious). Jesus is the janitor. Jesus let me in to the computer lab. Just as I looked about the room crestfallen, I spotted my coat hanging sad and alone on a faded yellow chair. I ran to it, and yes.. there were my keys, too. I thanked Sarah’s mom. And I thanked Jesus. Ha ha. That works. I sped out of the parking lot, and stopped jerkily at starbucks. There, I saw a woman with my first name, and my ex-boyfriend’s last name. Hm….. *snaps out of it * Anyway, she looked at me and said, “hey. What’s on your face?” I related the story quickly. And paid for my drink and left. I sped home, where sat at my computer and imed… someone for a very, very long time. It was pretty crazy. It wore me out, drained me emotionally. Yes, I’m drained. I’ve decided. Drained physically (tennis and sickness and tiredness). Drained intellectually (precal today… made my brain fizzle out into nothingness). And drained emotionally (not even going to go there). Well. Well well well. I have now come to what I think is the end of my post. And so therefore I must say this news. I have demonstrated that can certainly be a copycat. And certainly am, a lot of the time. Well, I am going to be one once again, for hopefully one of the last times. Anyway, what I mean is this: One of my friends is no longer going to keep updating his blog as frequently as he usually does. Well, I’ve decided that that is quite a good idea. I’ve mentioned the fact that I was toying with the idea that I might get rid of this blog, and perhaps start a new one, an anonymous one. For now, though, I’m going to keep it. But I’m going to do an experiment. I’m going to see if I can go without it. Kind of like fasting, you might say. I want to prove to myself that I can deal with change, and that sometimes things will be shaken up. Well, I’m shaking things up. This will be probably the longest post I have ever written, and most likely the last one for a while. Besides, it won’t be so bad…I mean, people that I’ve been talking to.. well, they don’t really read this anymore anyway. So I doubt I’ll disappoint very much at all. I just need to get through tomorrow. Then I’ll be gone for a week. Rejuvenated? Maybe. Different? Well, yes. Like I’ve said before, everyone is always changing. No one… nothing… is ever the same for an instant. Life is motion.. change… maybe that’s what I need. Okay. Enough procrastinating. Enough BS. Goodbye, reader.

amazing..

So, I ended up going to Comp Sci; that's where I am now. I feel somewhat better, and I no longer have a fever. I'm not going to go to tennis though. So basically before school I went to English and did some bio (but first made copies of a page of my essay that she wanted to use as an example). I made the mistake of being a whiny kid and telling her how I was sick, yet again. She was, as always, extremely sympathetic. We talked a bit and she asked me if I'd taken anything. I told her no, and so she told me to go to the nurse and not to worry if I was late. So I went to the nurse this morning and got some tylenol, which was nice, and also a cute little half-pint of water. Oh yeah, and also a peppermint. I walked back into English and class had just started. During class we basically were put into groups and worked on posters about symbolism in LotF. We got like the easiest one, Piggy's Glasses. So we finished that, hung it up on the wall, and I went to bio. Oh except first I went to Sarah and Julie's gov't class and got yelled at yet again by Ms. N. I don't even have her. In bio we did kind of nothing. I'm going to die though: test on Thursday. After bio I traipsed over to student assistant. I walked in and said, "hey" but as soon as I had set my stuff down she said, "Sherri, I just got off the phone with the nurse. I called and told them that you were going to go in and rest there. So, they're expecting you." I smiled, shocked. I finally said but 2 words, but they were said with such sincereness that it didn't matter that it was only 2 words. "Thank you," I said emphatically, and left. I stumbled deleriously into the nurses office, and she led me to the back room. I set down my backpack, and lay down. It was basically the most amazing feeling ever. I just stared at the ceiling for a while, escaping reality. I didn't think about how I'm going to fail out of precal. I didn't think about how much work I have to do. I just let my mind wander. After a bit, I rolled on my side and fell asleep. It was definitely the greatest thing. At lunch I did bio corrections, getting some done for once. And computer science was kind of dull, except for me going up and showing how to do one of the assignments. It was kind of crazy. Okay. Bell rang. I'm going home, maybe stopping by Starbucks....

amazing..

So, I ended up going to Comp Sci; that's where I am now. I feel somewhat better, and I no longer have a fever. I'm not going to go to tennis though. So basically before school I went to English and did some bio (but first made copies of a page of my essay that she wanted to use as an example). I made the mistake of being a whiny kid and telling her how I was sick, yet again. She was, as always, extremely sympathetic. We talked a bit and she asked me if I'd taken anything. I told her no, and so she told me to go to the nurse and not to worry if I was late. So I went to the nurse this morning and got some tylenol, which was nice, and also a cute little half-pint of water. Oh yeah, and also a peppermint. I walked back into English and class had just started. During class we basically were put into groups and worked on posters about symbolism in LotF. We got like the easiest one, Piggy's Glasses. So we finished that, hung it up on the wall, and I went to bio. Oh except first I went to Sarah and Julie's gov't class and got yelled at yet again by Ms. N. I don't even have her. In bio we did kind of nothing. I'm going to die though: test on Thursday. After bio I traipsed over to student assistant. I walked in and said, "hey" but as soon as I had set my stuff down she said, "Sherri, I just got off the phone with the nurse. I called and told them that you were going to go in and rest there. So, they're expecting you." I smiled, shocked. I finally said but 2 words, but they were said with such sincereness that it didn't matter that it was only 2 words. "Thank you," I said emphatically, and left. I stumbled deleriously into the nurses office, and she led me to the back room. I set down my backpack, and lay down. It was basically the most amazing feeling ever. I just stared at the ceiling for a while, escaping reality. I didn't think about how I'm going to fail out of precal. I didn't think about how much work I have to do. I just let my mind wander. After a bit, I rolled on my side and fell asleep. It was definitely the greatest thing. At lunch I did bio corrections, getting some done for once. And computer science was kind of dull, except for me going up and showing how to do one of the assignments. It was kind of crazy. Okay. Bell rang. I'm going home, maybe stopping by Starbucks....

Ahhhhhhhh! First precal problems, now this.. What is WRONG with me?

What is my problem? Is this sickness affecting my brain? I’m cold. And shivering. And sputtering. And muttering. What is wrong??? Why is this such a huge deal? Is my mind just wonky because of the sickness? What if it’s not?? He has every right to do whatever the heck he wants; why should I care? Yes! Here here! Am I insane? Do humans have free will? What is real?

????
???
??
?

hell

I am scalding hot, body red. My breathing is shallow and irregular and forced. My head is pounding with a magnitude to rival my meningitis days. I have a lump in my throat that makes it unbearably hard to swallow. My eyes are burning. I ache. I feel like I could retch my innards out all over my precal binder. Basically, hell.

I honestly don’t feel like doing my usual boring as heck rundown of the day. I honestly feel like hurling a textbook through a window or something. Wait, no. I doubt I have the energy. I just want to collapse and make it all go away. My only release is when asleep. Okay, I suppose I owe an explanation as far as the whole ‘freaky, pissed off, I hate everything attitude.’ I woke up feeling nauseous; I knew today was going to be bad. Oh, but I didn’t know how bad. Before school my best intentions were to go to precal, but I honestly, honestly loathe that place. It reeks of death and decay. I utterly hate everything about precal. Instead I went to the place where I can, for a short time anyway, escape reality partially. Or at least pretend. In English we basically just read LotF, but I was done so I organized some of her humanities stuff and put it in folders. Jeez. Am I a suck-up? Know what?—I don’t care if I am. I don’t mean to be. I certainly don’t need to in that class. Sorry if I seems a tad like I’m bragging or something like that, but it really is all I have to brag about, my one thing that I can hold onto and say, “Look, I like this, and I’m good at it, and I love going to this class.”

Okay. Well, then. Now came death. It was like a viper striking. I don’t even want to think about it; the thought is making my stomach churn literally and my head throb even more. Basically she hates me. And wants to eat me (Julie said it, not me..). Stats doesn’t matter, except for the one miracle that was handed to me: I scraped an A out of the recent test, and I literally thought I failed it. At lunch I was a loser and worked on bio stuff in the quiet sereneness of A-7. All alone. I rather enjoy silence now and again- it was quite nice on my head. Yearbook was chaos; basically we got all worked up over the t-shirt design. Wow. And then I worked. And throughout the class my body ached more and more, as well as my throat.

Tennis was torture. I could not hit the ball for the life of me, and finally after like an hour I couldn’t take it, so I just lay down right there on the court. Flat as a pancake. No one cared or noticed; it was great. Wobbling slightly, I headed for the bathrooms because I was sure I would throw up or something. I ended up spending a glorious eternity at the waterfountain, gulping the weird tasting ice cold stuff down.

After practice Julie and I chilled at Starbucks. This was the one saving grace, the one hallelujah all day. When that Grande White Mocha touched my lips and ran down my throat in all of its caffinated, gooey, sugary, creamy goodness, I was content for once today.

But now I’m at home. I was upset. My dad, surprisingly, calmed me down. He gave me ice-water. He talked serenely and logically with me. Our voices were, as Mrs. S. would say, “one meter voices.” HOLY CRAP I HATE THAT…

Calm..

Calm.

Okay. My fever is only 99.7. I’m not going to die. Even though this week will be even more torturous than today (shudder shudder), I won’t die. At least I hope not. I already keeled over twice today…

insanity...

Okay. Taking a break from my essay. I’m actually making progress, I think. Kind of. Maybe. Anyway, here’s the current scene at my house. Approximately 5 times per minute, 2 shirtless little boys (my brother and cousin) run by me, chasing each other and wielding flyswatters. They are yelling and babbling incoherently. Occasionally they run over to me or my aunt or dad or mom and swat. In the background, my mom and aunt are talking in the kitchen, and my dad and uncle are talking in the front room. My sister and other cousin are sitting about 2 feet from a blasting TV playing Mario Party something. Oh yeah, and now the baby is crying. I suppose everyone’s accounted for. Basically, life is insane. All I really want to do is run into my room, slam the door, and jump into bed. And fall asleep. Holy crap, this week is going to be absolute torture, absolute insanity. I always loathe the end of the 6 weeks, but this time will be excruciatingly painful. I need to correct 2 bio tests, finish this essay, and somehow, someway complete 2 precal tests. I grow queasy at the thought. Ah, well. No matter. I’ll just jam out to music for now, and keep working on my essay. I seriously doubt I’ll finish tonight, actually. Bring on the double shot expresso is all I can say for this week…..

You don't know...

Okay. Right now I should probably actually be writing my huge research essay, but I’m not. Instead I’m eating baby goldfish (we finally got some—yess!), listening to quiet music, and also watching my cousins. See, they’re visiting from CO. Their ages are: 7, 4, and almost 1. Yeah, so, insane. Including my brother there are 4 crazy little boys running around here. I was too, but then I got tired and decided to come here and attempt to write my essay. Alas, it is tougher than I thought. I mean, the hard part is getting started, I suppose. I don’t know why I feel so drained still. I even went to bed at a reasonable time (11 or so), and slept in until like 9. I don’t exactly feel tired, I just feel… calm. Sedentary. Perhaps it’s the overall quiet pervading our house (the baby’s sleeping). It’s just a quiet, quiet day.

Different topic, slightly. Okay. So everyone needs some sort of.. escape, some means of coping with everyday life. Almost everyone needs to just.. somehow convey information. I’m beginning to think that my.. coping mechanism, if you will, is writing. Of course, drawing as well is certainly soothing, but I think writing things down helps me to just spill, to get my thoughts out. A lot of times I use this blog as simply a means of doing that, of emptying my thoughts from my head and putting them somewhere where I (and others) can see them. Instead of having them just confined in my mind, they are somehow free. I was thinking about this the other day, actually, what would happen if I simply just stopped posting. And I realized that it would really be different; I’m just so used to it now.

A lot of things, though, a lot.. I don’t put here. I hesitate before saying something, because of the lack of anonymity now. I sometimes contemplate completely starting anew, and having it completely hidden and therefore unreachable by people who know who I am. Sometimes I loathe the fact that I am known; I often desire to just be Anon. An indistinguishable being. So, I often find myself wanting to start a completely different blog, and also certainly wanting a completely new email address…

Rain again

So now part 2. (Of my day). Where was I? Oh yes—S.A. I walk in, and she says, “okay, I’m going to have you do a creative project.” I say, “chill,” and listen as she tells me what she wants me to do (something with the bulletin boards). I was about to do the tasks set before me, but then I remembered I needed to get the key from Regina in the front office to the display case (to take all our English projects out). I empty that out, lug the cumbersome projects back to her room, and then I start working on taking down all the bulletin board stuff. Oh yeah, this part is kind of crazy. So we’re talking as I start taking down papers, and then Mr. L comes in (even though he has a gov’t class then.. weird) and starts talking to Ms. B. about Canterbury tales stuff. I dunno.. it was just kind of a weird sight to behold for some reason. He left, and then we got to talking about the rest of the year (what we’d be doing and whatnot). We’re going to apparently quickly finish LotF, and then do Macbeth? Something like that. Ha, this is funny though: we were talking about the dearth of LotF books, and then she took off on this rant about public school funding. It was slightly amusing, yet also slightly frightening. Well, okay, it wasn’t actually scary… But, I mean seriously.. what she was saying was right on, too.

After that, the conversation tapers into something else, and then, as I finish up taking stuff off one board, she gets up and says, “I’m going to go get some coffee.. want some?” I look up, blink twice, and then say, “Well, yeah, sure.” She says, “Do you like cream?” Slightly fazed, I reply, “Um, yes please.” Without hesitation she says, “Sugar?” And I grin and say, “Oh yeah.” And she disappears. And as if that isn’t enough, she comes back in a while later with two identical coffee cups and says, “Oh, I couldn’t find any creamer, but hang on one sec, I’m going to go grab some.” I start to say, “Oh, no. It’s okay” but she’s gone before I can finish. I meander around the room; she’s gone a while. But then she comes back, and I say, “Thank you so much.” She smiles as she downs her own un-creamed coffee. Well, then I go to the IMC, cut some yellow paper for the board, and come back. After an eternity (and a little help from Ms. B.) I manage to get it to look decent. I then go back to the IMC to find some quotes to put on the board. Long story short, that takes the entire rest of the time, and also lunch.

I cut out most of the quote, but then had to leave because the bell rang. I was tempted to just stay there and not go to computer science, but I decided not to even though she was totally chill with it. Instead I moseyed on over to computer science, where we actually did work (hence the short blog post from then).

But get this: after the bell rang, I dashed out of the loft and into the pouring rain. And let me tell you, it was just about the greatest thing ever. The rain is so calming. I absolutely love the smell of cold, clean rain. It’s one of the best smells out there. So I grinned and walked leisurely through the rain, taking no heed that I was getting kind of soaked. I nonchalantly dropped into A-7, where Ms. B. still sat at her desk. She took me in for a moment, with my goofy smile, my cookie-monster shirt, and my complete soaked-ness, and laughed and said, “Hey, Sherri.” We talked for a bit about how completely wonderful the rain is as I got my tennis clothes from the cabinet. And with a “have a good weekend” from Ms. B., I trudged off into the rain.

Sopping wet and slightly delusional, I kind of just stood there by E-wing. I don’t know what compelled me to do this, but I walked under the overhang to get drenched. Grinning, quite cold, and hair plastered to my forehead, I simply just stared out at the parking lot. I stayed that way (for what I didn’t think was actually that long) but then gave a start as I saw Ms. B. in her little green jacket in her little blue car pulling out of the parking space. I didn’t want her to think me completely insane, so I ducked behind the building.. but I think she may have seen me anyway. Well, no matter. I don’t remember making a conscious decision to not go to tennis, but I kind of just instinctively flicked on my windshield wipers and drove home.

So yes. Today is just kind of a calm day. No wigging. No spazzing out. No rolling around on the floor like a freak and laughing. No real stress either...

I mean, I can think of lots of things today that certainly could have been potentially stressful… but somehow weren’t.

Sigh. I love curling up and reading (which is what I’m about to do)...I love creating simple cartoons in my simple sketchbook... I love coffee with cream and sugar... and I love everything about rain.

rain rain rain

You know that nursery rhyme, 'rain, rain, go away' deal? I don't understand it; I'm really really liking the rain today. It's amazing. It's like, 'woah, what's this cold, wet stuff falling from the sky??' Honestly. We never get any moisture, so the calming rain is a nice change.

The rain also likely means that tennis is cancled? I don't know. I probably should have gone yesterday... but eh. Eh, I say.

Today is a pretty chill day; I knew it would be. I woke up kind of late again, went to English, and started to do my biology. But then Kelsey comes in and we talk about random things of no importance, such as time travel, etc. Then English starts... the discussion actually went, from my perspective, very well. I'm actually quite pleased at the fact that I am now spouting off whenever possible. I don't know what actually has made me metomorphose into a 'discussion talker' from a 'mere discussion observer who says nothing.' Of course, LotF lends itself very nicely to discussion. Anyway, I went to bio, did bio-ish stuff. Oh yeah, then I went to student aid. I'll have to finish up my chill day later, as the bell just rung.

Is it Friday yet?

Okay, I'm here at my computer, sipping ice water. I just finished this weird teryaki chicken. I say this so often it's getting more than slightly mundane, but the fact remains: I'm tired. Tired, tired, tired. In several senses of the word. I plan on finishing this post, doing my bio, and then going to bed. Let me relate my day. I woke up late. I don't even remember this morning. I almost fell asleep in the shower; I don't know how long I stayed in there. I left my house at 8:02. I sped to school in the slick rain-- not exactly a smart move. I parked, sprinted to English. My watch isn't working right, so I didn't know if it was the actual bell or the 2-minute bell. I ran in, thinking it was the actual bell. I, panting and gasping, slowly filled with the realization that I actually still had 2 minutes. So I sat in my desk, trying to catch my breath, looking wildly and anxiously about. I was going to ask about how Ms. B.'s presentation went yesterday (we were talking a lot about it yesterday), but she looked rather irate as she typed a million words per minute on her computer. She said, "Here, Sherri, this letter came for you." I cocked my head as she handed over the letter, but it ended up being from NHS, saying, "thank you for helping at the family festival" blah blah blah. I skimmed it, threw it aside, and then class started. She read chapter 3 of LotF to us; it was amazing. I know most will find this quite absurd and will think me childish and kind of nuts, but I absolutely adore it when she reads to us. Her reading voice is amazing: flowing perfectly, smoothly, and, yes, flawlessly. I've never heard such a reading voice. It takes me back to elementary, then back earlier. Back to a time when all I had to do was lie my head on the cool, clean desk and let the words wash over me, to let my worries and cares and reality evaporate and plant myself in the story instead. And that's just what I did today as Ms. B. read to us. It's funny, really. I've heard that voice in so many different ways and tones; I've heard it in a disappointed tone, in a weary tone, in a giddy tone, and also of course in a friendly tone. Today, I heard it take on a multitude of volumes and emotions as she was reading... she gets into it, makes it come alive. Perhaps that is yet another reason why I absolutely love it when she reads to us. I don't feel lowered or diminished or insulted in anyway, as most probably feel to some degree. Rather, I feel happy for this excuse to step away from my current problems and worries, at least for a little while. It is an absolute escape, a real escape. Okay, enough of that, but you get the idea. In precal, it was pretty sweet. We watched October Skies, which actually was extremely interesting; I liked it quite a bit. The whole underlying message hit home directly, for me, at least. Basically the whole, 'I'm following my own dreams in life; if I put my mind to it, I can and will succeed at doing what I want... not what my parents want for me.' After class, the movie wasn't completely over, so I actually stayed and watched it with Julie, Paco, and Jeena. Then we had to un-glue ourselves from the screen and go to stats. We had a test... Enough said. It actually took a long time for once. At lunch I went to Key Club. After that was over, I wandered around with Kelsey and Julie and was feeling particularly drained and melancholy, so I opted to go to Ms. B.’s room. So, they shrugged and departed towards E-wing, and I trudged up to A-wing. I walked into the darkened room—no one was there. So, I flicked on a light, plopped my stuff on the floor, and sat down. I dug around for a spoon, finally found one, and proceeded to eat my yogurt. I pulled out LotF and read chapter 4 and part of 5. Students started coming in, and they were kind of just wondering where she was. I took on the role, sort of, of pseudo-secretary and told everyone that she should be back soon (when in actuality I didn’t actually know where she was but figured she was at an English teacher meeting since she mentioned that sometime). The bell rang, the 10-minute bell, and still I sat. After a bunch of kids were already in the room, she comes in, not looking even slightly surprised to see me sitting in my familiar desk. She smiles and tells me that I forgot my NHS letter in the room, and starts to talk about her lunch but then gets bombarded by students’ questions and statements. I grab my tennis clothes from my cabinet at the back of the room and toss my yogurt in the trash. Then I ungracefully slink out as I mumble a “later.” The 2-minute bell rings as I exit her room, so I end up half running half walking-very-fast for the second time today. I made it to yearbook in time, almost. We worked on t-shirt designs then head to the IMC to cut paper. I finally get back to the computer lab and work on something. After school was an adventure, but I shan’t go into details. Basically Kelsey and I ran around campus and around town looking for something we never found. Exciting, eh? So I ended up ditching tennis, which was alright considering my toe still hurt mildly, and I was kind of… lethargic anyway. I drove her home and we chilled for a little at her house. I came home, sighing. My evening has consisted of yelling and me being drained. I am devoid, empty. And so, so tired. I honestly feel like “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” right now. Oh yes, that reminds me… huge-o essay needs to be completed this weekend. Which is kind of an issue because my cousins are coming tomorrow and will be here all weekend. “I grow old.. I grow old… I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.” – Eliot (again).

Ah. Well. So, good things, good things *mumbles incoherently as eye twitches*.. let’s focus on the good things. I find that that nearly always helps, if not but a smidge. 1) Friday. Tomorrow. Is. Friday. And a green Friday at that! I can hear the hallelujah chorus… 2) It being a green Friday means I will have good classes. In English we’re going to have a discussion, which will actually be interesting (provided people actually stay awake and put forth some input). In Bio we’re going to take notes.. hey, my saving grace is that Mr. T is lively and interesting. S.A… well, the reader probably gathers that I very much enjoy it (and that is kind of an understatement). And Comp Sci is just chill. Where was I… oh yes, 3) Ms. B. and I were talking... about parents, actually. I was not necessarily ranting about the suffocating oppression I experience, but I was sort of relating my displeasure at my inability to change courses as per next year. I told her, yet again, that I wished I could student assist next year, or at least hinted at it. And she went on this schpeal of how she’s so happy I’m going to be in humanities next year and how I’m probably going to end up in her class. But then she said, oh, what was it, “Well, and if you’re not… then I’m just going to have to steal you.” At which point a grin spread across my face.

Yes, yes, yes. My 3 happy things that keep me going, at least for the here and now. For the here and now, I’m very content at the above 3 things. Part of the discussion tomorrow will actually be about what motivates human beings.. well, I think these 3 things are my little motivating factors right now. Yep. The fact that tomorrow’s Friday, the fact that tomorrow I will have great classes, and the fact that I’d actually be coveted enough to be ‘stolen.’ (ha ha).

So even though today wasn’t exactly peachy-keen (when it actually was very “bleh”), I’ve still got that tiny flame going inside me, that happy flame, the flame dancing with the prospect of the future. True, that flame is deep down and hidden, cloaked and shrouded by my lethargy, weariness, and bleakness, but it’s there.

Somewhere.

Chill

So get this: Mr. Y is gone, yet again. I was talking to Derek and apparantly he (he as in Mr. Y) has the flu. The poor guy seems to always be sick. He's gone so frequently.. it's insane. Anyway, so I'm sitting here, thoughtfully munching on my apple, trying to ignore the pain in my toe, and contemplating my juggling balls that are splayed thoughtlessly beside me. Basically... I'm doing nothing. I was playing powermanga for a while.. then I got slightly bored with it. Thus, I decided I would do something for the betterment of ... something.. by posting. Ah, well. Today has been pretty chill, I guess that would be an appropriate way to describe it. So I woke up (late), stumbled into the bathroom to get ready, and then I hear my mom saying "bye, guys" and then a door slam. I blinked a few times, dripping wet (I had just stepped from the shower), and then realize that they're going to SF. See, they (my parents, that is) are taking my little brother to an ear doctor, a consultation, really. Primarily they will (or have, I should say, by now..) talk about surgery, but yeah. So I had the house basically to myself (well, and my little sister) in the morning which is cool. I was contemplating dragging out the coffee maker, but then I decided I was already quite late. I left the house atrocious-looking, and mumbled a goodbye to my sister with toast in my mouth. I decided to bypass Starbucks this morning, to prove that I could, and went straight to English. During English, we took notes, for once, on citations in a research essay. So here's Ms. B.'s whole deal, her core, central issue: plagiarism. If she had to pick one thing and one thing only to enforce, it's 'no plagiarism.' She's hard-core when it comes to plagiarism; I've never seen someone so totally strict and persnickity about it. Don't get me wrong; I totally totally agree with her about how completely wrong it is to plagiarize. I've just never seen someone get like that. I suppose it's a good thing. In biology, we went over homework and took notes. Oh yeah, and had a pop quiz that I failed (though not literally, like I did last time..). Student aiding was pretty much amazing. I punched out letters, and I came back and well, we basically just talked the entire time. I made posters for the staff meeting while we just talked and talked. You know, I think that's what I'm really going to miss. Is just talking, one on one, with no one but Ms. B. It's just so peaceful. We went to go hang up posters in the Speech Theater, and then walked back to the room where we defiled and disected students' projects. I got to keep a bunch of little toy cars that I'm giving to my brother, and we talked a lot about kids. Lunch was just blah. Not even worth mentioning. Besides, now the bell is about to ring. Tennis, here I come.

Go away...

So basically I'm dead tired. I really don't know why I'm so drained yet again. I mean, I didn't go to tennis (there wasn't practice).

Maybe it's my toe. It is killing me; I've never known such sharp, intense pain before. Well, I did break it (coincidentally the exact same toe), but I don't remember that even hurting all that much. But I literally mauled it; it's in shreds. I very much doubt that you the reader would want to know all the gory details, but it involved me stabbing my toe in an attempt to dig out whatever it is that's jutting into my flesh, but then rupturing something and goop oozing out. And I ripped the flesh and my toe was basically gushing blood. Pleasant, eh? So I finally just got extremely fed up, cleaned it, slapped a bandaid on, and now I guess I'll just hope for the best.

The rest of my day was as such. No, it actually was alright as b-days go. I went to Starbucks before school, where I saw Coach H. I went to English where I talked to Ms. B. and showed her my drawings of the characters in LotF (that I just drew for fun). Didn't do much in English actually. Oh, but I did end up leaving my poem on her desk; I really kind of did want her to read it, though I don't know particularly why, I mean, it doesn't make a difference. Precal.. eh.. Stats.. Mr. P. talked. Oh, but it was pretty chill: for the first well-over a half hour, we talked about everything except statistics. Like, suing people and different lawsuits and then prayer in schools and religion and a lot of other stuff too. At lunch we chilled at bio, where I actually managed to get something done. Yearbook was humdrum.. we listened to crappy music. After school Kelsey, Julie and I went to Starbucks (second time today!). We got stuff, took them to the pond, and hung out there for quite some time. By this point in the day, though, my toe was really starting to killlll me, so I was really not very happy. I don't know what actually made me do this, but long story short I ended up taking off my sock and shoe, and dipping my foot in the water (because obviously the pond water has some sort of magic healing power.. oh yes...). Finally we left, drove home.

I miss it...

Well, I'm still up (obviously, eh?) and still not done with math. I'm eating chip and mint ice cream and trying to ignore the surging pain in my left big toe. Okay, since people I know are undoubtedly reading this, I won't get gory, but basically I have an ingrown toenail apparently, and it is quite red and swollen and generally just uncomfortable. Enough said.

So I have a 'profound' statement here, that I was stewing on as I stared blankly at my derivation worksheet: I am not a child any longer. I know what you’re most likely thinking right now (‘wow, she’s kind of slow..’) but I mean, really. I mean, yes, I’ve known for quite some time (many, many years) that I was transitioning from childhood into adulthood, but it rather dawned on me as I was lying on my bed doing precal that I was completely out of childhood and there was no going back. Never.

Okay, here’s the run-down of things. I was lying on my bed, barefoot and hair messed up, tapping my pencil distractedly as I stared at the complete gibberish of math symbols on the paper. I heard the hum of the dishwasher, the typing of a keyboard, the droan of the TV in the background. But then my ears perked up and I heard something else: my mother’s voice. It was calm, mellow, rhythmic, for once, and I realized that I had not heard that voice in this manner for quite some time now; she was reading to my brother. I listened for a bit, then I realized what she was reading: one of my favorite books from when I was my brother’s age, Corduroy. I listened in, shutting out the other noises, and shutting out my homework for the time being. I even shut my eyes. When it was finished, I suddenly grew revolted, almost. Here I was, 17, listening to a toddler’s bedtime story. But, in those few, peaceful, time-stopping moments, I was more than nostalgic; I was 3 again. I hadn’t heard my mother like that for such a long time. See, I’m usually the one that reads him a bedtime, story. Rarely my sister or dad. Anyway, I was, for a brief period, brought back to how it once was. A time when there really were no worries, or the biggest worry in my life was being able to write my b’s the right way in preschool or something ridiculous. There were no qualms of having to stay up to ungodly hours to finish pointless calculus derivations or statistics t critical nonsense. Not to mention scholarships, AP exams, and college. Back when life was simple and evil simply did not exist. I knew only the soft, ragged feel of my pink and blue blanket, knew only the soft voice of my effervescent young mother, knew only the taste of pancakes and noodles and mashed potatoes and cakes made with loving hands just for me. I didn’t know what life was like.

My point of all this is that I, for just a very brief speck of time, was tinged with envy. Yes, envy. Of my brother. Wait, no. For (oh, dear Lord, I sound like Dorian Gray) youth. Well, he’s right, you know. It’s the one thing that one can never get back. With time comes experience, knowledge. What is better, being young, nieve, and blissfully happy? Or being ‘un-blind-folded” and possessing knowledge of how the world really is? Which is better, happiness, or knowledge? Can one have both?

wasting time...

Yawn. I’m at home now, home from tennis and all. My left big toe really hurts for some reason, and it is becoming quite annoying. I just finished my English homework, which was to write an outline in MLA style (something we’ve never had to do). It’s pretty chill; I didn’t actually mind doing it. Definitely more appealing than statistics or precal.. much, much more than precal. In fact, that is one of the reasons I am now typing this instead of doing something more productive. Procrastination is a wonderful thing.

Ah, so. Brief run-through of the day, I suppose, would be in order. In English I handed out papers and then Ms. B. talked to the class about doing their outlines, but I went to the back table with Stephen to real LotF… I’m on chapter 4 now; it’s all right, I guess. I mean, I don’t hate in by any means. It’s actually pretty interesting. Then I went to bio where it kind of killed me. Bio is the reason that I was in a horrible pissed off/ tired of the world feeling on and off all day, so I really won’t go into any details here, but it was pretty bad. I dunno…. I usually really like that class. I mean, he’s a really good teacher, very animated, extremely chill, hilarious…. But I lately really haven’t been getting the concepts. I mean, I read what I was supposed to, but apparently it’s not sinking in. After the horrible horrible horrible quiz, the rest of bio was still kind of yuck. I was really tempted to scribble on the quiz: “Mr. T, give me a break, please; my bunny died, I’m out of wack and very drained,” but I didn’t. In Student Aiding, I went there, made a blank graph on Excel for Ms. B., came back and talked to her for a long time. And then she remembers she has something else I could do if I feel up to it (I was being a whiny brat of sorts, telling her how sucky bio was and how I’m so f-ing tired for some odd reason [but that’s okay, because she was complaining about how tired she was and how she kept waking up because of her detestable allergies ] so she offered to just let me sleep). I ended up traipsing back to the IMC and typing up a rubric for our research essay, and I managed to come back in time to talk to her for quite a while about her woodpecker escapades (exciting, believe you me). At lunch Kelsey and I went to the IMC where Julie was finishing up English stuff, and then we went to bio against my will. I went to comp sci, where we actually did considerable work (compared to usual, that is). After school I went to tennis, which was okay. I kind of still suck, but I’m glad Coach W. likes me. Today I made her laugh (okay, okay, she was laughing at me, but still). Since both Julie and I were in a kind of bummed out “wow, today’s kind of crappy” mood, we chilled at Starbucks for a bit, walked to the pond for a stroll, talked there for a while, then went home more soothed and pacified somewhat. I came home, ate tacos, did English. And now I think I’m going to actually start my precal or stats. Precal tomorrow is likely going to be murder again. Gasp. Wheeze.

I'm in computer science right now, sipping weird-tasting water. Hey, at least it's something; I forgot to bring a drink today, so I'll kind of take what I can get. So we just did this weird intense function. I'm copying it here just because I feel like it:

(defun intenseness(z L)
(cond ( (null L) 0)
( (= z (first L)) (+ 1 (intenseness z (rest L))))
(t (+ 0 (intenseness z (rest L)))))

Okay. Boy, that was fun. So now what... well, I guess I should explain why I didn't really post at all yesterday: a) My internet was being all funky, the connection strength was very low, and b) I kind of just didn't really feel like it.

But now I do, as I am quite bored up here in the loft. And, okay, here's the thing: I am also really tired! And I don't know why! I mean, I went to bed at a very reasonable hour (well, okay, 10:30, but that's way earlier than I've been used to going to bed lately) but I still woke up feeling like I could sleep for an eternity. I don't know why I've been so zonked lately. Maybe I should really just go to bed insanely early today and totally skive off my homework. I would relate my day, but I'm supposed to be working on another 'challenge'... maybe at home, I'll write about my day, but honestly I just feel like crawling up, closing my eyes, and letting sleep wash over me.

Over

I'm sitting here at my computer, eating cookies to placate my weariness. This really has got to stop: me being dead tired. So, today has been really an interesting day... and not necessarily in a good way. Where to begin? Okay, so I have a few things I need to say (the Mr. W sub guy story, the rabbit thing, and the tennis game). I think I'm actually going to post the sub story back at the original post later on, so I'll start, hm, at the beginning of my day.

I was rudely woken by a phone being jutted into my face, and I groggily spoke to Lisa for a little bit. I then got up, stumbled blindly into the shower, and then proceeded to get ready. I was doing the obligatory feeding of the animals, and it was just like any other day. I walked up to the rabbit cage outside, dumped the food in, and changed the water bottle. I thought it was odd that it was almost completely full, but I still changed it. It struck me as slightly odd that he wasn't hopping out to get his meager meal, so I absentmindedly opened the other side of the cage (the one he sleeps in; it's hidden) and .. oh dear, I really was going to continue, I really was, but I don't think I'm able. So I'll just end it with this: my rabbit is dead. I'll have that image in my brain for the rest of my life. I can't even think about it even now. And this, this image, is one that is really very meaningful. Finality. Over. I always knew this would happen, even soon. I wouldn't really say I was expecting it, but... It's just final. Done. Never ever going back. I am never going to say that "I have a rabbit named Oreo" anymore. I never even petted him goodbye. And, well, when I conjure up that image, I picture all living things, not just that one particular rabbit. This is really a morbid thought, but that image is, well, someday, me. And that kind of makes me cringe. But also, even more morbid, is the fact that, yes, I will, throughout my lifetime, see other things looking just like that. People, even. People that I know. And that is a thought that I personally cannot stomach. This lends itself rather nicely to something that I was thinking a little bit about yesterday. When people just talk of 'partying' or getting drunk or doing anything just really useless and stupid, they flippantly toy with their own life. I cannot really conceive of anything more serious than life or death. Death is really the most serious thing I can think of, because of the sheer finality of it. I don't honestly know what I will do when the time comes (times, really) that I will have to part with people.. forever. I have never actually lost anyone especially close to me; I mean, I have indeed been to funerals and have dealt with death. But never in a real, personal way. But every time that someone dies, it seems like the impact is more and more. For example, when I was, oh, in the upper grades of elementary, a woman from church died. I knew her, and would talk to her often, and she would always remark, "my, how big you are getting!" but then she got cancer. I made her a card and stood in the hospital room shivering for a few minutes while my mom talked quietly with the woman and her husband; she died the next morning. Then my great uncle Pete died a little over a year ago. He was very nice, and I would always eat spaghetti with him, and he gave me his favorite Cardinals hat, which I have always loved. Just recently, my other great uncle (other side) died. He would always talk in polish and we'd eat weird polish foods at his weird-smelling house, but I liked it there. Just really recently, a student at our school died. Now, this one I didn't really know, but it hits home because he was, well, our age. Younger. Now my rabbit. This one is different in that I really was his only real nurturer. We called him ours but in essence he was mine. Okay. Enough, enough, enough. My rabbit's life is over, just like this section of the post.

Anyway.... after being stunned into a silent bout, I realized that I was really running late for the tennis game. I sped to Lisa's and then we drove up. When we got there, there were only 2 other cars there, and for a second we thought, um, is this the right place? But then people started to show up. We warmed up for like a half hour and then proceeded to play. Bazak (sp??) and I played two people from the other school; we won 8-2. After that, I kind of sat around for the next hour and a half, at first waiting for Julie's game to finish, and then juggling tennis balls and talking with Julie. Oh yeah, and we ate donuts. Finally we were put back in, and this time I played doubles with Julie. We played the other team, and we won 8-5. People started to taper off, and then we helped put everything away. After a while, everyone was gone except me and Julie. We picked up the litter off the court, tidying up the place a little bit. We talked and lay down on the court for a little while, talked to Kels on the phone, and then I drove home, so tired I could barely think.

I was originally going to take a nap when I got home, but I used my better judgement and decided against it. So I just ate some cheese and crackers, read a bit of my book, and wasted time on the computer. I was sending something to Kelsey and it took about 10 eons to send. It finally did though.

Sigh. So now I sit here, sunburned (my arms kind of hurt!) and quite exhausted. I think what I'm going to do is take a shower (I'm still kind of all stinky), do a bit of homework, and then go to bed. A nap would probobly really mess me up (yes, Julie, you're right). I can tell that I'm going to be hurting tomorrow, from both the sunburn (yuck) and the sore, aching muscles. I actually did have a lot of fun at the match though. At the end it was ridiculously tiring though, especially since my arm muscles were like ripping. Well, at least it's over.

Hm. Today, though it's not over, was, I suppose anyway, an alright day. I'm not exactly happy, no. But, I mean, I'm alright with it. Cons: my rabbit's dead and I have an unpleasant image singed onto my brain forever, I have a mega-load of homework that I'm obviously not doing, and I'm sunburned. Pros: I actually made it to the tennis game, I won my two games and am actually improving on my serves and getting them over the net, and my family is currently out, in Albuquerque, which equates to peace and quiet here at my house so I'm really free to do whatever, whatever I want to. Freedom..

So. I sit here, eyelids drooping, hair messed up, aching and groaning, and writing a post. Well, I'm not anymore. Now it's over.