What a day.

I cannot beleive that it was just this morning when I last posted. Honestly, it feels like an aeon ago. Today was a roler-coaster ride. I don't even want to talk about school today, because in the scheme of things, it is really trivial and quite unimportant. I want to be concise, yet meaningful in this blog, because I am so full of emotion that I really just need to get just a tad bit out. Let's start with after school. The whole gang hung out at Julie's. We played Cranium (R.E.M.!), ate these crazy wafer cookies, and played dress-up. What a bunch; today was great... Then things took a turn for the worse when I got home. I was in an okay mood, but I got smacked in the face (figuratively of course!!) when I, ahem, took a look at Powerschool. I unleashed my fury, aka I threw back my head, letting an enormous howl escape. I felt cheated. I felt betrayed. But most of all I felt frustrated that my best was somehow not quite good enough. I was in a very bad mood. But things did a complete 180 the moment I stepped outside into the frosty air. See, I'm watching a neighbor's house up the street (a former teacher's house), so I remembered I needed to take care of that. So I stepped out of the house with no coat, no flashlight, and no smile. And I began to think. And with every step I thought harder. See, I was thinking about what I was discussing with friends, that is, when I would be happiest (the whole Mirror of Erised thing...). And I decided, right then and there, that, in spite of everything, I would be happiest the way things are [note: this may sound completely bogus and sprinkled with sugar, but it was my actual thought process, kay??]. I would not want to be richer, because that would make me want more things, make me more and more attached to monatary things, unneccessary luxories. I wouldn't be an only child, because then I'd have no little people to laugh at and make me smile when I need it the most. (Ha ha ha, the punch bowl incident today...classic.) Etc. So all these thoughts ran in my head. I did my job and came back home. And as I was about to come down my steep driveway, I looked up in the sky. And I thought, well, I really had no thoughts at first. I stood and stood and stared up. But then my neck started to hurt, and I was getting cold, and some car drove by, and I didn't want them to think I was crazy, so I headed down the driveway. But then I thought, "That was just too majestic...I know what I'll do." So I went in my backyard and here's what I did. [Another note: Don't try this at home, kids]. I went in my backyard and laid down in the snow and stared up at the stars for a lonnnng time. I started to go numb. And I started to feel very small. And I started to smile. I let my mind wander (because now it can wander wherever the heck it wants to; it doesn't have to concentrate on stupid Precal any more). And it wandered. But then my eye caught a helicopter or plane passing by. So I watched it... and watched it... and then it was gone. And that is kind of in a way how things in life are. When I first saw my grades, I was overwhelmed and it seemed like the end of the world. But even now, the intensity of it is diminishing. Things come and go. Like planes. So, cold yet oddly content, I traipsed into the house, threw off my clothes, and took a steaming hot shower. And to prove to myself how absolutely lucky I am, I turned the water to freezing, and told myself that some people never get hot water, they have to deal with freezing cold water all the time. And they deal; their lives go on. This is incredible. Instead of being bummed now, I'm almost overly content. I am trying out all my cool sparkly pens I got from Alrice today (she was my secret solstice buddy). Here's the snowman I built with my brother yesterday. Kinda sad, really...

Happy winter to all!