Is it Friday yet?

Okay, I'm here at my computer, sipping ice water. I just finished this weird teryaki chicken. I say this so often it's getting more than slightly mundane, but the fact remains: I'm tired. Tired, tired, tired. In several senses of the word. I plan on finishing this post, doing my bio, and then going to bed. Let me relate my day. I woke up late. I don't even remember this morning. I almost fell asleep in the shower; I don't know how long I stayed in there. I left my house at 8:02. I sped to school in the slick rain-- not exactly a smart move. I parked, sprinted to English. My watch isn't working right, so I didn't know if it was the actual bell or the 2-minute bell. I ran in, thinking it was the actual bell. I, panting and gasping, slowly filled with the realization that I actually still had 2 minutes. So I sat in my desk, trying to catch my breath, looking wildly and anxiously about. I was going to ask about how Ms. B.'s presentation went yesterday (we were talking a lot about it yesterday), but she looked rather irate as she typed a million words per minute on her computer. She said, "Here, Sherri, this letter came for you." I cocked my head as she handed over the letter, but it ended up being from NHS, saying, "thank you for helping at the family festival" blah blah blah. I skimmed it, threw it aside, and then class started. She read chapter 3 of LotF to us; it was amazing. I know most will find this quite absurd and will think me childish and kind of nuts, but I absolutely adore it when she reads to us. Her reading voice is amazing: flowing perfectly, smoothly, and, yes, flawlessly. I've never heard such a reading voice. It takes me back to elementary, then back earlier. Back to a time when all I had to do was lie my head on the cool, clean desk and let the words wash over me, to let my worries and cares and reality evaporate and plant myself in the story instead. And that's just what I did today as Ms. B. read to us. It's funny, really. I've heard that voice in so many different ways and tones; I've heard it in a disappointed tone, in a weary tone, in a giddy tone, and also of course in a friendly tone. Today, I heard it take on a multitude of volumes and emotions as she was reading... she gets into it, makes it come alive. Perhaps that is yet another reason why I absolutely love it when she reads to us. I don't feel lowered or diminished or insulted in anyway, as most probably feel to some degree. Rather, I feel happy for this excuse to step away from my current problems and worries, at least for a little while. It is an absolute escape, a real escape. Okay, enough of that, but you get the idea. In precal, it was pretty sweet. We watched October Skies, which actually was extremely interesting; I liked it quite a bit. The whole underlying message hit home directly, for me, at least. Basically the whole, 'I'm following my own dreams in life; if I put my mind to it, I can and will succeed at doing what I want... not what my parents want for me.' After class, the movie wasn't completely over, so I actually stayed and watched it with Julie, Paco, and Jeena. Then we had to un-glue ourselves from the screen and go to stats. We had a test... Enough said. It actually took a long time for once. At lunch I went to Key Club. After that was over, I wandered around with Kelsey and Julie and was feeling particularly drained and melancholy, so I opted to go to Ms. B.’s room. So, they shrugged and departed towards E-wing, and I trudged up to A-wing. I walked into the darkened room—no one was there. So, I flicked on a light, plopped my stuff on the floor, and sat down. I dug around for a spoon, finally found one, and proceeded to eat my yogurt. I pulled out LotF and read chapter 4 and part of 5. Students started coming in, and they were kind of just wondering where she was. I took on the role, sort of, of pseudo-secretary and told everyone that she should be back soon (when in actuality I didn’t actually know where she was but figured she was at an English teacher meeting since she mentioned that sometime). The bell rang, the 10-minute bell, and still I sat. After a bunch of kids were already in the room, she comes in, not looking even slightly surprised to see me sitting in my familiar desk. She smiles and tells me that I forgot my NHS letter in the room, and starts to talk about her lunch but then gets bombarded by students’ questions and statements. I grab my tennis clothes from my cabinet at the back of the room and toss my yogurt in the trash. Then I ungracefully slink out as I mumble a “later.” The 2-minute bell rings as I exit her room, so I end up half running half walking-very-fast for the second time today. I made it to yearbook in time, almost. We worked on t-shirt designs then head to the IMC to cut paper. I finally get back to the computer lab and work on something. After school was an adventure, but I shan’t go into details. Basically Kelsey and I ran around campus and around town looking for something we never found. Exciting, eh? So I ended up ditching tennis, which was alright considering my toe still hurt mildly, and I was kind of… lethargic anyway. I drove her home and we chilled for a little at her house. I came home, sighing. My evening has consisted of yelling and me being drained. I am devoid, empty. And so, so tired. I honestly feel like “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” right now. Oh yes, that reminds me… huge-o essay needs to be completed this weekend. Which is kind of an issue because my cousins are coming tomorrow and will be here all weekend. “I grow old.. I grow old… I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.” – Eliot (again).

Ah. Well. So, good things, good things *mumbles incoherently as eye twitches*.. let’s focus on the good things. I find that that nearly always helps, if not but a smidge. 1) Friday. Tomorrow. Is. Friday. And a green Friday at that! I can hear the hallelujah chorus… 2) It being a green Friday means I will have good classes. In English we’re going to have a discussion, which will actually be interesting (provided people actually stay awake and put forth some input). In Bio we’re going to take notes.. hey, my saving grace is that Mr. T is lively and interesting. S.A… well, the reader probably gathers that I very much enjoy it (and that is kind of an understatement). And Comp Sci is just chill. Where was I… oh yes, 3) Ms. B. and I were talking... about parents, actually. I was not necessarily ranting about the suffocating oppression I experience, but I was sort of relating my displeasure at my inability to change courses as per next year. I told her, yet again, that I wished I could student assist next year, or at least hinted at it. And she went on this schpeal of how she’s so happy I’m going to be in humanities next year and how I’m probably going to end up in her class. But then she said, oh, what was it, “Well, and if you’re not… then I’m just going to have to steal you.” At which point a grin spread across my face.

Yes, yes, yes. My 3 happy things that keep me going, at least for the here and now. For the here and now, I’m very content at the above 3 things. Part of the discussion tomorrow will actually be about what motivates human beings.. well, I think these 3 things are my little motivating factors right now. Yep. The fact that tomorrow’s Friday, the fact that tomorrow I will have great classes, and the fact that I’d actually be coveted enough to be ‘stolen.’ (ha ha).

So even though today wasn’t exactly peachy-keen (when it actually was very “bleh”), I’ve still got that tiny flame going inside me, that happy flame, the flame dancing with the prospect of the future. True, that flame is deep down and hidden, cloaked and shrouded by my lethargy, weariness, and bleakness, but it’s there.

Somewhere.