After school spoutings

So. My great-uncle died. You know, it’s weird. Today in English we were talking (or I was...) about death (because it related to what we read), and I said that well, you really don’t know when it’s coming, and it’s of course inevitable. And, you never know when someone is going to die; you really don’t appreciate them until they’re no longer around. Then, you realize that they’re really gone, that’s it. No coming back, ever. It’s not like a vacation. It’s permanent. Over. It’s just odd; as I was speaking those words, Uncle Jan was perhaps breathing his last breath. It’s really peculiar. I’m sad; I’ll miss him. It’s not that I knew him that intimately or whatever, it’s just the whole finality thing. I won’t see him ever again.

I went to Key Club elections; everything was fine. Congrats to both Julie and Noopur on being Co-Presidents! I ended up being secretary (yes!), and Lisa got treasurer. Clare someone got Historian. So, all in all it was all right; it was quite satisfactory. Despite my being tired and my having just received bad news.

I drove home slowly, deliberately, carefully, thoughtfully. For once in my life. I was behind 2 friends. I followed the whole way. When I was turning by Las Salsas (or Salsas y Son, whatever), I slowed way down, and because of on-coming traffic, I had to come to a stop. They kept on going. It was weird. For a few moments that seemed almost like a quiet eternity, I watched the car grow smaller and smaller, going up that hill, fading into the bright sunlight. And then they were gone. And I had chills. It was very odd, but then the moment passed, and I turned onto the street, just as a new song came on to the radio. I don’t know the song’s title, but it was an angry song, a hardcore rock song, new, though. It wasn’t a “Holy crap I love this song” kind of song, but it grabbed my attention and my emotions. Suddenly, I was filled with this weird sort of feeling, like the music was determining my mood. I was suddenly filled with this pissed-off teenager feeling, as the music got going. I revved the engine and suddenly put my foot on the gas, hard. I drove all around, in places that I really haven’t been much before, that new-house area by the pool. I drove fast and recklessly, just like the music. I reached over and turned it up loud- very loud. I turned it as loud as it could go, and I tried to trick myself into getting lost. I wanted to get lost. I was pretending I was lost in some other city. But I wanted it; I wanted to get lost in the unfamiliar streets, and I wanted to get lost in the music. And I did, for a little while. The song ended, I calmed down, I drove home.

And now I’m here. Just got off the phone. I’m determined to get my grades up. It’s not that I’m failing, but my grades are just… sagging a bit. Not quite up to par. I’m not quite up to par. I can go to Convention if I have an A in every class. Normally, I’d be, “Psh. Hey, piece of cake” (in the Sean voice, of course). This year.. no, this semester, it is unfortunately not so. I’m going to be ecstatic next year… Sigh. I’m off. I can do this. Piece of cake… J