You know...

Okay, look. Yeah, I know I haven't been posting in a long time. But you know what? Heck, it's finals week. School is essentially over. It's nice outside. K? So, I've been doing a lot of chilling, just hanging out. Getting in the summer mood, if you will. Today I hung out in bio, then yearbook office for a bit, then to El Parasol, then movies. Right now I'm going to go study, kinda, for my remaining important finals. The others I don't care about. Sigh. I realllly. really. like summer. Yeah, this is a short post; deal with it.

Over

School is over. Essentially. No more classes. Today was freaky. This entire week has been! Yesterday was really cool, I hung out a bunch, went to Smiths, and El Parasol, saw Lisa at the pond. English today was sad, I was crying and Ms. B gave me a big hug; it was amazing. But honestly, I'm going to miss English, that classroom, and .. her.. sooo much. My only consolation is that I'll have her next year. She really is a great teacher, and a very cool person. Precal killed me, but at least it's OVER!! Shockey even signed my yearbook. During Stats, I went in, and the room was pretty much empty. So, I hung out with my 2 bestest friends ever. We chilled around town, Ruby K's.. Mountain.. haha. Then I meandered around at lunch. Went to yearbook, and I'm finally done with everything; I love that feeling. After school I talked with Mr. Y for a little, then headed to bio for a long while, to do test corrections. I chilled w/ Mr. T for once, and I actually got a LOT done. Things are finally coming together. In some ways I love it being the end of school, but in some ways I loathe it. I ache literally from having to say goodbye forever to some people. I'm going to really, really miss some seniors, and I'm going to uber miss some teachers... Mr. T, I'll miss you!! Ms. B. I'LL MISS YOU!! What makes things tons worse is that I won't get to see my best friends much this summer, which is very sad!

But, for now, I still will, which is cool. I'm gonna go chill tonight, maybe sleep for once. Then tomorrow, kite festival, then getting ready for prom for eons. That'll be fun.. then pre-prom party at Paco's, haha, can't wait.. then, actual prom. This weekend will be fun.

Rain..

It's raining outside right now, and I'm thinking 2 things primarily: 1) I love rain, especially the smell of it, and 2) WHY couldn't this have happened earlier?? Haha, no, it's fine. I'm elated anyway. Lately that's how it's been.

So, I went to the park today; I've still got sand in my shoes. Danny is really a funny kid; he's amazing. I love my little brother; often I forget how lucky I am.

Also, I want to say that I'm really, really glad my mom's okay. We weren't sure if she would be, but everything's fine. More than fine..

Oh.. but this is so SAD: Ms. B is super upset as of yesterday. I'm really, really worried about her. I'm not saying anything here, because I'm not sure I'm supposed to, but let's just say she is really depressed, and... all of the pictures of her boyfriend are gone... So, I was feeling really, really cruddy. I wanted to do.. something for her, so I made her a card. And today I bought her starbursts and brought her peppermint. I just hope she's okay.

I certainly am, anyway. A friend told me today that his life sucks. And I yelled a little to emphatically, "Mine doesn't!!" It doesn't. At all. All I can say..


Arg! I'm late for a talent show; my sister's playing the piano in it. Gotta run!

Happy Mother's Day

Amazing..

I officially deem The Classic Crime as amazing. My favorite song: "Who Needs Air" by The Classic Crime. It's really amazing what this song does to me... I can say the whole song now.. I rarely am able to do that with a song.. Here're the lyrics:



I long to taste adventure like the nature of the sea,
Always moving, always hiding all the creatures from beneath.
Singing silent songs of sadness my heart waits for its chance,
To dance upon the ashes of my burned up little plans.

And I stand alone before the night.
My nakedness is so clear in the glow of the moonlight.
Life is old but so short.
We are young we want more.

I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you got what I got, what I got, what I got
Who needs air?

You don't need air.

My addiction to danger like the rush of the sea,
Like a wave on the rocks the lessons crash down on me.
I don't need to prove the world to you only to myself.
So step back and look away as I dive into the swell.

I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you got what I got, what I got, what I got
Who needs air?
I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you got what I got, what I got, what I got
You don't need air.

Take me down to the river like a little child,
Take my hand and tell me its okay to be wild.
I never knew the world until I saw through your eyes,
I never knew my self until I ripped off my disguise.

I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you've got what I got, what I got, what I got
Who needs air?

I have come to the realization that life is more than what I have accomplished.
And life is more then the realization that we have accomplished nothing at all.
True success is so selfless so drown in the lyrics of your life
and give up the air that you breathe.
You don't need anything.

I don't even know how to title this.

My life.

If I sit back and think about it, my life seems very different. If I were looking at myself through someone else's perspective, I honestly don't know what I'd think.

So, I... well, I'm stumped. I have a million thoughts floating around in my brain, yet I can't get them out. Partly because of the fact that people I know read this... Haha, now is one of the times that I kind of just need to write; now is also one of the times I long for anonymity. Arg, that word reminds me of Statistics, which I'm failing.

I look again at myself right now. Who am I? I ask that, honestly, direly, to no one but myself. And it's sad because there's just silence. No one telling me the answer... it's just me. I suppose I AM who I choose to be; no one can make me do otherwise... But I am easily influenced. People impact me. Big time. I don't know why I let other people influence me so much, but I do.

Long pause. I'm at a loss for words.

There's so much I want to say, but can't.

Can't concentrate on anything...

I don't know what's wrong with me... why can't I concentrate!? My huge stats final is due tomorrow... oh boy. But, I can't seem to shake this feeling. I just doze off, constantly...

It's actually amazing.

My life is insane.

Ok, yeah, I know, I know-- I'm slacking on posting. Jeez, was Saturday really the last time I posted? I guess so. Well, I'm justified, I suppose; I've been uber busy. So, let's see, Saturday night I played gamecube with my sister and Megan for a long while before I conked out due to exhaustion. Oh, but before that I was half watching a movie and half talking on the phone for forever. Um, let's see. On Sunday? Well, I didn't really do much, I guess. Monday was... let's see. Oh, right! Yeah, Monday was pretty chill. I, um, went to the library after school. To study (ahem, cram) for the AP stats test... that was cool. Yesterday was a bit wonky. So, I went to English and Precal, then hung out til 1, when the AP test started. Ugh. We got out at almost 5. It was intense, I'll just say that. Today (finally I'm caught up to today), was interesting. So, I read a lot for a part in Macbeth. We're almost done reading it. I like, actually, quite a bit. At first I wasn't so sure about it, but it's really getting good. And it helps that she explains it, makes it lively, animated, and interesting. In bio I took that test.. ouch. I actually went to Student Assistant for once, I typed up this thing, talked to her a little, and then left early because she had to go get an allergy shot. At lunch I did bio, and ACTUALLY FINISHED CORRECTING A TEST! Now only, what, 2 more to go? Computer Science was interesting; I met John. And I wrote this super long function. And it was chill. After school, I talked to Mr. Y, John, and Derek for a while... that was ok. Ah, then, um, ... I said a goodbye of sorts and left, and Julie, Kelsey and I went shopping... Ha, after about a million eons and a lot of hard work (and a lot of laughs), I am now the proud owner of a prom dress. Uh, haha, here's the thing: It's pink. Yeah, that's right. Pink. Well, I like it anyway. It'll be fine. Ahhhh, but now, I have this gigantor Stats project due tomorrow, and I have a million little slips of paper around me. I have to decipher them, and compile them somehow into a neat, polished, typed report due at 11:05 tomorrow. Oh well, I'm sure I can do it. But, right now, to calm my nerves a bit, I'm enjoying a huge bowl of cookie-dough ice cream. I <3 cookie dough ice cream.