I went home this past weekend. It was a strange experience... cathartic, really. I feel so.. changed. I am now purged of the old and I now feel so ... at peace. Happy. Incredibly blessed. I have decided I need to change a few things about myself as well... and I'm very pleased with my decision. I need to be a good kid. I feel like I'm starting over, and I feel so lucky that I get endless "start-overs." I don't even deserve it, as I have done so much... I feel so thankful, almost blissful. Even though I have a killer Honors Integrated Chem and Physics test tomorrow...
Anyhow, I am free and I am starting to see that I am much better off now. I am growing.
And God is great.
Monday, March 02, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Wasting time... an interesting link.
http://shirt.woot.com/
I am wasting time. But really, that's all we really ever do until we die.
I am wasting time. But really, that's all we really ever do until we die.
Life is Ironic.
Hmmm...
So, on a whim, I am posting on my long-ago blog. Instead of doing my Honors Integrated Science project (which is in drastic need of being worked on..), I have been perusing my old blog from my Junior year of high school. Quite pathetic, really.
Well. What to write? I found it interesting that my blog essentially died when school was coming to a close at the end of Junior year... which is right around the time I started dating ... a certain individual.
And today, the day I happen to stumble upon it once again, it has been just slightly over two weeks since that certain individual broke my heart. He left me. It's a very, very long story and I do not see it necessary to relate the details currently, but essentially we went out for almost two years.. a few months shy of two years. We were engaged. We were both happy and stupid. I let myself believe in magic and that he could never let go. I trusted.
I've grown up a lot in the past two weeks. I know that I need no one. I am my own. I think the reason I decided to even post is that someday I'll look back on even these words. The happy, naive 16/17 year old me seemed to be perhaps wiser and more independent than I let myself become with him ... My old blog posts are filled with this aura of independence and confidence. I am once again gaining that back... it is something I can NEVER again let myself lose. Once I start becoming too attached to someone, I need to remember that people are Liars. And they will leave you.
I should have learned that at a very young age, but I, like almost everybody on the planet, refused to believe that harm could come to me. No. *I* was Invincible. He would never ever leave. He loves you too much. I believed this.
Ha.
Life's ironic. But beautiful nonetheless I suppose.
So, on a whim, I am posting on my long-ago blog. Instead of doing my Honors Integrated Science project (which is in drastic need of being worked on..), I have been perusing my old blog from my Junior year of high school. Quite pathetic, really.
Well. What to write? I found it interesting that my blog essentially died when school was coming to a close at the end of Junior year... which is right around the time I started dating ... a certain individual.
And today, the day I happen to stumble upon it once again, it has been just slightly over two weeks since that certain individual broke my heart. He left me. It's a very, very long story and I do not see it necessary to relate the details currently, but essentially we went out for almost two years.. a few months shy of two years. We were engaged. We were both happy and stupid. I let myself believe in magic and that he could never let go. I trusted.
I've grown up a lot in the past two weeks. I know that I need no one. I am my own. I think the reason I decided to even post is that someday I'll look back on even these words. The happy, naive 16/17 year old me seemed to be perhaps wiser and more independent than I let myself become with him ... My old blog posts are filled with this aura of independence and confidence. I am once again gaining that back... it is something I can NEVER again let myself lose. Once I start becoming too attached to someone, I need to remember that people are Liars. And they will leave you.
I should have learned that at a very young age, but I, like almost everybody on the planet, refused to believe that harm could come to me. No. *I* was Invincible. He would never ever leave. He loves you too much. I believed this.
Ha.
Life's ironic. But beautiful nonetheless I suppose.
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