A Change :)

I went home this past weekend. It was a strange experience... cathartic, really. I feel so.. changed. I am now purged of the old and I now feel so ... at peace. Happy. Incredibly blessed. I have decided I need to change a few things about myself as well... and I'm very pleased with my decision. I need to be a good kid. I feel like I'm starting over, and I feel so lucky that I get endless "start-overs." I don't even deserve it, as I have done so much... I feel so thankful, almost blissful. Even though I have a killer Honors Integrated Chem and Physics test tomorrow...

Anyhow, I am free and I am starting to see that I am much better off now. I am growing.

And God is great.

Wasting time... an interesting link.

http://shirt.woot.com/


I am wasting time. But really, that's all we really ever do until we die.

Life is Ironic.

Hmmm...


So, on a whim, I am posting on my long-ago blog. Instead of doing my Honors Integrated Science project (which is in drastic need of being worked on..), I have been perusing my old blog from my Junior year of high school. Quite pathetic, really.

Well. What to write? I found it interesting that my blog essentially died when school was coming to a close at the end of Junior year... which is right around the time I started dating ... a certain individual.

And today, the day I happen to stumble upon it once again, it has been just slightly over two weeks since that certain individual broke my heart. He left me. It's a very, very long story and I do not see it necessary to relate the details currently, but essentially we went out for almost two years.. a few months shy of two years. We were engaged. We were both happy and stupid. I let myself believe in magic and that he could never let go. I trusted.

I've grown up a lot in the past two weeks. I know that I need no one. I am my own. I think the reason I decided to even post is that someday I'll look back on even these words. The happy, naive 16/17 year old me seemed to be perhaps wiser and more independent than I let myself become with him ... My old blog posts are filled with this aura of independence and confidence. I am once again gaining that back... it is something I can NEVER again let myself lose. Once I start becoming too attached to someone, I need to remember that people are Liars. And they will leave you.

I should have learned that at a very young age, but I, like almost everybody on the planet, refused to believe that harm could come to me. No. *I* was Invincible. He would never ever leave. He loves you too much. I believed this.

Ha.

Life's ironic. But beautiful nonetheless I suppose.

quick update on summer

I just wanted to say that, thank the Lord, I'm finally better now. As it were, I'm eating an ice cream cone in a bikini... don't ask.. Basically I'm at home, watching my brother and sister. But, it's really hard to type one handed, and my ice-cream is melting, so, bye (for I dunno how long!) I'm going to CA in a few days too, that will be interesting.

Sick

Wow, this really, really stinks. I've been sick for the past few days.. and I still can't shake this stupid thing, whatever it is!! Gah- know what should be not aloud at all ever? GETTING SICK IN THE SUMMER!! At least during the school year it's school that you're missing, and not .. FUN! Sigh. Well, I don't really feel like typing more. Tons of stuff has happened (took ACT, lots of stories about that, lots of babysitting stories, tons more), but I really don't feel like I have the energy to elaborate. At least not now. But I felt like I should stop being a hypocrite and wishing that people would update their blogs. Oh, and right now I'm on the phone with Kelsey. Oh but I do have to write it Kelsey.. Ok, I'll stop being weird.

Heck, it's summer, aight?

I feel slightly guilty about not posting. But after all, I'm justified. I've been busy doing summer-ish things. But I just wanted to let everyone know that I might slack on posting. Oh, I'll try, yes. But I just wanted to throw out that warning. Um, so, yeah. The weekend was pretty cool. On Friday I went to my sister's school for a while, and for hours and hours on Friday night I looked for my neighbor's cat and dogs. That was exciting... I went to graduation on Saturday, then hung out. I stayed home Saturday night because my throat was killing me. I watched Happy Feet. Yesterday was pretty chill. I went to church, taught sunday school with Derek, and then stayed for a pot-luck. I chilled at my house for a bit, played with this awesome marble-maze thing. Oh, and then, Sunday night, I went to Smiths with Kelsey. And, it was just about the coolest, craziest thing everrrr: the milk we bought started leaking, and it was making a puddle on the floor, and everyone was staring at us! Haha. I loved that. Today I played in the yard with my brother, he drenched me with the dog's water; he dumped it on me. Oh, and then Kels and Julie came over and we ate ice-cream and played super smash bros. It was way cool. Oh, and we were all being Kirby once, and I swallowed Julie, and drowned myself. That was the highlight, I think, of our playing time. Then I went to Derek's house to eat hamburgers, and then we watched Robin Hood Men in Tights, which I had never seen. It's actually a really funny movie, a movie my cousin would likely enjoy. I'll have to tell him. Um, then I came home. I watched some TV with my family for once, which was weird. And, yeah, right now it's almost 2:30 in the morning. I'm only doing this because I know I can sleep in tomorrow. For once. I'd better make the most of it. Sigh. Summer is amazing. Farewell, for who knows how long. Could be a few weeks, could be a few days, could be a mere few hours.

Taking a quick break

So, right now, I'm roller-blading. Yeah, that's right. Not "I was roller-blading." I AM roller-blading. I've still got 'em on as I type. I'm chillin' with my little sister; she's scootering, and I'm blading. This is so weird not having any school or homework. Every year at this time it takes me a while to get used to it. But this year I feel like I have freedom, like, for once. It's crazy. Lately I have been feeling, like, I dunno... weird! Like, I came home at 3:00 AM... and it was FINE. I want my parents to know that I really appreciate their "loosening of the reigns," so to speak. Hm... some random thoughts... I'm wearing weird clothes today. I like 'em. Oh, now I'm going to go play gamecube! Yes. I haven't in forever!!

Woooooo!!!!

School is OFFICIALLY over!!! Yeah!!! I'm gonna go ride my bike!! With my sister!!! She doesn't want me to write her name!!! Tonight I'm going to the movies at 9:30!!! I love summer!!!