supersherri

A Change :)

2009-03-02T16:11:00.003-07:00

I went home this past weekend. It was a strange experience... cathartic, really. I feel so.. changed. I am now purged of the old and I now feel so ... at peace. Happy. Incredibly blessed. I have decided I need to change a few things about myself as well... and I'm very pleased with my decision. I need to be a good kid. I feel like I'm starting over, and I feel so lucky that I get endless "start-overs." I don't even deserve it, as I have done so much... I feel so thankful, almost blissful. Even though I have a killer Honors Integrated Chem and Physics test tomorrow...

Anyhow, I am free and I am starting to see that I am much better off now. I am growing.

And God is great.

Wasting time... an interesting link.

2009-02-22T15:40:00.001-07:00

http://shirt.woot.com/

I am wasting time. But really, that's all we really ever do until we die.

Life is Ironic.

2009-02-22T14:30:00.003-07:00

Hmmm...

So, on a whim, I am posting on my long-ago blog. Instead of doing my Honors Integrated Science project (which is in drastic need of being worked on..), I have been perusing my old blog from my Junior year of high school. Quite pathetic, really.

Well. What to write? I found it interesting that my blog essentially died when school was coming to a close at the end of Junior year... which is right around the time I started dating ... a certain individual.

And today, the day I happen to stumble upon it once again, it has been just slightly over two weeks since that certain individual broke my heart. He left me. It's a very, very long story and I do not see it necessary to relate the details currently, but essentially we went out for almost two years.. a few months shy of two years. We were engaged. We were both happy and stupid. I let myself believe in magic and that he could never let go. I trusted.

I've grown up a lot in the past two weeks. I know that I need no one. I am my own. I think the reason I decided to even post is that someday I'll look back on even these words. The happy, naive 16/17 year old me seemed to be perhaps wiser and more independent than I let myself become with him ... My old blog posts are filled with this aura of independence and confidence. I am once again gaining that back... it is something I can NEVER again let myself lose. Once I start becoming too attached to someone, I need to remember that people are Liars. And they will leave you.

I should have learned that at a very young age, but I, like almost everybody on the planet, refused to believe that harm could come to me. No. *I* was Invincible. He would never ever leave. He loves you too much. I believed this.

Ha.

Life's ironic. But beautiful nonetheless I suppose.

quick update on summer

2007-06-14T14:31:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to say that, thank the Lord, I'm finally better now. As it were, I'm eating an ice cream cone in a bikini... don't ask.. Basically I'm at home, watching my brother and sister. But, it's really hard to type one handed, and my ice-cream is melting, so, bye (for I dunno how long!) I'm going to CA in a few days too, that will be interesting.

Sick

2007-06-10T13:48:00.000-06:00

Wow, this really, really stinks. I've been sick for the past few days.. and I still can't shake this stupid thing, whatever it is!! Gah- know what should be not aloud at all ever? GETTING SICK IN THE SUMMER!! At least during the school year it's school that you're missing, and not .. FUN! Sigh. Well, I don't really feel like typing more. Tons of stuff has happened (took ACT, lots of stories about that, lots of babysitting stories, tons more), but I really don't feel like I have the energy to elaborate. At least not now. But I felt like I should stop being a hypocrite and wishing that people would update their blogs. Oh, and right now I'm on the phone with Kelsey. Oh but I do have to write it Kelsey.. Ok, I'll stop being weird.

Heck, it's summer, aight?

2007-05-29T02:11:00.000-06:00

I feel slightly guilty about not posting. But after all, I'm justified. I've been busy doing summer-ish things. But I just wanted to let everyone know that I might slack on posting. Oh, I'll try, yes. But I just wanted to throw out that warning. Um, so, yeah. The weekend was pretty cool. On Friday I went to my sister's school for a while, and for hours and hours on Friday night I looked for my neighbor's cat and dogs. That was exciting... I went to graduation on Saturday, then hung out. I stayed home Saturday night because my throat was killing me. I watched Happy Feet. Yesterday was pretty chill. I went to church, taught sunday school with Derek, and then stayed for a pot-luck. I chilled at my house for a bit, played with this awesome marble-maze thing. Oh, and then, Sunday night, I went to Smiths with Kelsey. And, it was just about the coolest, craziest thing everrrr: the milk we bought started leaking, and it was making a puddle on the floor, and everyone was staring at us! Haha. I loved that. Today I played in the yard with my brother, he drenched me with the dog's water; he dumped it on me. Oh, and then Kels and Julie came over and we ate ice-cream and played super smash bros. It was way cool. Oh, and we were all being Kirby once, and I swallowed Julie, and drowned myself. That was the highlight, I think, of our playing time. Then I went to Derek's house to eat hamburgers, and then we watched Robin Hood Men in Tights, which I had never seen. It's actually a really funny movie, a movie my cousin would likely enjoy. I'll have to tell him. Um, then I came home. I watched some TV with my family for once, which was weird. And, yeah, right now it's almost 2:30 in the morning. I'm only doing this because I know I can sleep in tomorrow. For once. I'd better make the most of it. Sigh. Summer is amazing. Farewell, for who knows how long. Could be a few weeks, could be a few days, could be a mere few hours.

Taking a quick break

2007-05-24T15:49:00.000-06:00

So, right now, I'm roller-blading. Yeah, that's right. Not "I was roller-blading." I AM roller-blading. I've still got 'em on as I type. I'm chillin' with my little sister; she's scootering, and I'm blading. This is so weird not having any school or homework. Every year at this time it takes me a while to get used to it. But this year I feel like I have freedom, like, for once. It's crazy. Lately I have been feeling, like, I dunno... weird! Like, I came home at 3:00 AM... and it was FINE. I want my parents to know that I really appreciate their "loosening of the reigns," so to speak. Hm... some random thoughts... I'm wearing weird clothes today. I like 'em. Oh, now I'm going to go play gamecube! Yes. I haven't in forever!!

Woooooo!!!!

2007-05-24T15:13:00.000-06:00

School is OFFICIALLY over!!! Yeah!!! I'm gonna go ride my bike!! With my sister!!! She doesn't want me to write her name!!! Tonight I'm going to the movies at 9:30!!! I love summer!!!

You know...

2007-05-22T17:52:00.000-06:00

Okay, look. Yeah, I know I haven't been posting in a long time. But you know what? Heck, it's finals week. School is essentially over. It's nice outside. K? So, I've been doing a lot of chilling, just hanging out. Getting in the summer mood, if you will. Today I hung out in bio, then yearbook office for a bit, then to El Parasol, then movies. Right now I'm going to go study, kinda, for my remaining important finals. The others I don't care about. Sigh. I realllly. really. like summer. Yeah, this is a short post; deal with it.

Over

2007-05-18T18:07:00.000-06:00

School is over. Essentially. No more classes. Today was freaky. This entire week has been! Yesterday was really cool, I hung out a bunch, went to Smiths, and El Parasol, saw Lisa at the pond. English today was sad, I was crying and Ms. B gave me a big hug; it was amazing. But honestly, I'm going to miss English, that classroom, and .. her.. sooo much. My only consolation is that I'll have her next year. She really is a great teacher, and a very cool person. Precal killed me, but at least it's OVER!! Shockey even signed my yearbook. During Stats, I went in, and the room was pretty much empty. So, I hung out with my 2 bestest friends ever. We chilled around town, Ruby K's.. Mountain.. haha. Then I meandered around at lunch. Went to yearbook, and I'm finally done with everything; I love that feeling. After school I talked with Mr. Y for a little, then headed to bio for a long while, to do test corrections. I chilled w/ Mr. T for once, and I actually got a LOT done. Things are finally coming together. In some ways I love it being the end of school, but in some ways I loathe it. I ache literally from having to say goodbye forever to some people. I'm going to really, really miss some seniors, and I'm going to uber miss some teachers... Mr. T, I'll miss you!! Ms. B. I'LL MISS YOU!! What makes things tons worse is that I won't get to see my best friends much this summer, which is very sad!

But, for now, I still will, which is cool. I'm gonna go chill tonight, maybe sleep for once. Then tomorrow, kite festival, then getting ready for prom for eons. That'll be fun.. then pre-prom party at Paco's, haha, can't wait.. then, actual prom. This weekend will be fun.

Rain..

2007-05-15T18:08:00.000-06:00

It's raining outside right now, and I'm thinking 2 things primarily: 1) I love rain, especially the smell of it, and 2) WHY couldn't this have happened earlier?? Haha, no, it's fine. I'm elated anyway. Lately that's how it's been.

So, I went to the park today; I've still got sand in my shoes. Danny is really a funny kid; he's amazing. I love my little brother; often I forget how lucky I am.

Also, I want to say that I'm really, really glad my mom's okay. We weren't sure if she would be, but everything's fine. More than fine..

Oh.. but this is so SAD: Ms. B is super upset as of yesterday. I'm really, really worried about her. I'm not saying anything here, because I'm not sure I'm supposed to, but let's just say she is really depressed, and... all of the pictures of her boyfriend are gone... So, I was feeling really, really cruddy. I wanted to do.. something for her, so I made her a card. And today I bought her starbursts and brought her peppermint. I just hope she's okay.

I certainly am, anyway. A friend told me today that his life sucks. And I yelled a little to emphatically, "Mine doesn't!!" It doesn't. At all. All I can say..

Arg! I'm late for a talent show; my sister's playing the piano in it. Gotta run!

Happy Mother's Day

2007-05-13T20:34:00.001-06:00

Amazing..

2007-05-13T19:56:00.000-06:00

I officially deem The Classic Crime as amazing. My favorite song: "Who Needs Air" by The Classic Crime. It's really amazing what this song does to me... I can say the whole song now.. I rarely am able to do that with a song.. Here're the lyrics:

I long to taste adventure like the nature of the sea,
Always moving, always hiding all the creatures from beneath.
Singing silent songs of sadness my heart waits for its chance,
To dance upon the ashes of my burned up little plans.

And I stand alone before the night.
My nakedness is so clear in the glow of the moonlight.
Life is old but so short.
We are young we want more.

I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you got what I got, what I got, what I got
Who needs air?

You don't need air.

My addiction to danger like the rush of the sea,
Like a wave on the rocks the lessons crash down on me.
I don't need to prove the world to you only to myself.
So step back and look away as I dive into the swell.

I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you got what I got, what I got, what I got
Who needs air?
I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you got what I got, what I got, what I got
You don't need air.

Take me down to the river like a little child,
Take my hand and tell me its okay to be wild.
I never knew the world until I saw through your eyes,
I never knew my self until I ripped off my disguise.

I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you've got what I got, what I got, what I got
Who needs air?

I have come to the realization that life is more than what I have accomplished.
And life is more then the realization that we have accomplished nothing at all.
True success is so selfless so drown in the lyrics of your life
and give up the air that you breathe.
You don't need anything.

I don't even know how to title this.

2007-05-10T21:03:00.000-06:00

My life.

If I sit back and think about it, my life seems very different. If I were looking at myself through someone else's perspective, I honestly don't know what I'd think.

So, I... well, I'm stumped. I have a million thoughts floating around in my brain, yet I can't get them out. Partly because of the fact that people I know read this... Haha, now is one of the times that I kind of just need to write; now is also one of the times I long for anonymity. Arg, that word reminds me of Statistics, which I'm failing.

I look again at myself right now. Who am I? I ask that, honestly, direly, to no one but myself. And it's sad because there's just silence. No one telling me the answer... it's just me. I suppose I AM who I choose to be; no one can make me do otherwise... But I am easily influenced. People impact me. Big time. I don't know why I let other people influence me so much, but I do.

Long pause. I'm at a loss for words.

There's so much I want to say, but can't.

Can't concentrate on anything...

2007-05-09T21:59:00.000-06:00

I don't know what's wrong with me... why can't I concentrate!? My huge stats final is due tomorrow... oh boy. But, I can't seem to shake this feeling. I just doze off, constantly...

It's actually amazing.

My life is insane.

2007-05-09T17:54:00.000-06:00

Ok, yeah, I know, I know-- I'm slacking on posting. Jeez, was Saturday really the last time I posted? I guess so. Well, I'm justified, I suppose; I've been uber busy. So, let's see, Saturday night I played gamecube with my sister and Megan for a long while before I conked out due to exhaustion. Oh, but before that I was half watching a movie and half talking on the phone for forever. Um, let's see. On Sunday? Well, I didn't really do much, I guess. Monday was... let's see. Oh, right! Yeah, Monday was pretty chill. I, um, went to the library after school. To study (ahem, cram) for the AP stats test... that was cool. Yesterday was a bit wonky. So, I went to English and Precal, then hung out til 1, when the AP test started. Ugh. We got out at almost 5. It was intense, I'll just say that. Today (finally I'm caught up to today), was interesting. So, I read a lot for a part in Macbeth. We're almost done reading it. I like, actually, quite a bit. At first I wasn't so sure about it, but it's really getting good. And it helps that she explains it, makes it lively, animated, and interesting. In bio I took that test.. ouch. I actually went to Student Assistant for once, I typed up this thing, talked to her a little, and then left early because she had to go get an allergy shot. At lunch I did bio, and ACTUALLY FINISHED CORRECTING A TEST! Now only, what, 2 more to go? Computer Science was interesting; I met John. And I wrote this super long function. And it was chill. After school, I talked to Mr. Y, John, and Derek for a while... that was ok. Ah, then, um, ... I said a goodbye of sorts and left, and Julie, Kelsey and I went shopping... Ha, after about a million eons and a lot of hard work (and a lot of laughs), I am now the proud owner of a prom dress. Uh, haha, here's the thing: It's pink. Yeah, that's right. Pink. Well, I like it anyway. It'll be fine. Ahhhh, but now, I have this gigantor Stats project due tomorrow, and I have a million little slips of paper around me. I have to decipher them, and compile them somehow into a neat, polished, typed report due at 11:05 tomorrow. Oh well, I'm sure I can do it. But, right now, to calm my nerves a bit, I'm enjoying a huge bowl of cookie-dough ice cream. I <3 cookie dough ice cream.

"Wow.."

2007-05-05T15:10:00.000-06:00

Ok, I'm finally posting. But, let me warn you, so much freakin' stuff has happened in the past, what, 3 days? that I cannot possibly cram it all here. Nor do I want to, actually, considering people I know read this. So, let's see. Thursday was pretty much the coolest thing ever. I ditched English (Ok, let me back up, Ms. B wasn't there, so we weren't doing anything anyway). And it was sort of justified, as in Mr. Y signed a note, so yeah. Then I went to bio, and it was pretty chill. During Student Aiding I went to the loft again, which was really, really cool. I went to lunch, and got stung by a bee. Now, that wasn't actually that much fun, but it was still quite an experience. My finger got so swollen I couldn't bend it, and I was actually in a great deal of pain. I went late to comp sci because the nurse wanted to "monitor" me and my sting.
Friday, yesterday, was kind of ridiculous. I.. yeah, it's beyond ridiculous. I don't even remember what we did.. in Precal we melted pennies, that was cool.. I didn't really do much else, but I was pretty excited about seeing Spider Man 3. So, yeah, at 6:45 I saw it. I... yeah, I liked it. The... ending was kind of... surprising. Eh.. Yeah. That's about all.
Today I got up bright and early to take the SAT (again). My score from the first time actually isn't very bad at all, so I wasn't so worried. Anyway, it went alright, but my neck was insanely sore. It might have had something to do with the fact that I sat in the very front row at the movie, and, yeah, it was kind of difficult to see..
And, after the SAT, Kels, Julie and I chilled (for once which was cool) at the pond. Oh yeah, we got and Indian taco and I spilled chile all over my pants. And my shirt... Anyway, then we drove home. Now I'm here babysitting my buddy Megan. She's kind of sadistic and kind of reminds me of how Lady Macbeth might've been at age 8. She throws stuff at me, and she pinches me. Hard. Ok, I'm going to go.

But, basically, to sum up these past few days that I haven't posted... "wow."

Mayday, mayday..

2007-05-01T14:26:00.000-06:00

Hm, well, happy May, I suppose. I'm in comp sci, and am rather bored, so I decided to post. I am.. very, very hungry at the moment (I was going to say starving, but then I realized that, no, I'm not really starving; that would be a lie). Today's kind of a ho-hum kind of day. It feels like nothing much has really happened, so there's not really much worth posting even. We read more of Macbeth in English. Took a test in bio. Typed something, copied stuff, talked a little in Student Aiding. At lunch I did a worksheet. Now we're not doing anything. That's really just about the extent of my day. Not much action. And there's no tennis today because varsity has a game or something. I need food. Ice cream, maybe. Oh, I guess worth talking about is the yb party yesterday after school. It went pretty well. We ate tons of enchiladas and other food, played pictionary, and made t-shirts. Well, I'd better go; we're being summoned by Mr. Y.

Kind of crazy day

2007-04-28T16:18:00.000-06:00

So, today has been pretty interesting so far; I drove to SF for a community seminar at St. John’s. I drove this short, redheaded guy named Josh. We met Ms. B in a parking lot, and I followed right behind so I wouldn’t get lost going there. We got there early so we walked around. And let me just say, it’s a beautiful campus. It’s really stunning. She showed us the dorm room she stayed in, too, which was cool. Well, I then went to a seminar on Emerson’s “The Poet,” which was really, really interesting. Then we all went to a different building and I drank tons of coffee and ate a muffin. I learned a lot, actually, about Ms. B. We walked back to our cars, still talking, and then out of nowhere I realize my thumb is bleeding. I don’t know how, but it was. So she fishes around in her purse and produces a band-aid for me, as I stand there sheepishly, feeling like a little kid. It was kind of crazy. Then I drove home.

I went on a long, long, run with my mom, too, later on, which was kind of weird. We went like, all over the place, and I kept on running around, waiting while she walked. I’d say we ran 3 miles, and it took 31 minutes (partly due to the fact that I kept having to backtrack for us to stay together). It was pretty fun though; I love running. Especially long striding down steep hills. Even though it’s kind of scary…

Oh, also, here’s something kind of scary/freaky. So, I was making a pretzel a little while ago, and I look down and there’s a bunch of blood dripping down my arm. I kind of freak out, because I didn’t feel anything happen. But some way, somehow, there’s a gash in my finger. So I run to the bathroom, stick my finger under cold running water, and put a band aid on. I don’t know what’s going on with me today! My fingers randomly bleed!

Okay, well, I’m going to go help make enchiladas.

Insane

2007-04-25T21:49:00.000-06:00

Okay. I officially admit it. I. Am. A. Psychopath.

But a happy psychopath. Hm, I think so, anyway. Things are different this time around…

So basically my day went all right, nothing special. Went to English; watched a movie about Shakespeare. Went to Bio; talked about extra-terrestrials. Went to Student Assistant; ranted with Ms. B. about the system and how we should over-throw those in charge; went to Ms. B’s room for lunch, then Bio; got called a liar a bunch of times by my friends. Went to comp sci; watched Strong bad emails and listened to people talk about prom. All right. Nothin’ spectacular, right?

So, then, after school, my friends stole my phone, and eventually gave it back. Then I gave a friend a ride to Orange. Ah. Then, I went to tennis and …. said friend came too. It was really pretty interesting. I then went to Starbucks for a bit.

I love Starbucks.

The rest of my day was crazy too.

Annnnny way… now I’m going to go derive more formulas! Fun, fun, fun…

Deriving is “deriving” me crazy!

I'm a "creeper"

2007-04-24T17:44:00.000-06:00

I'm babysitting my buddy Kate right now. And let me tell you, I'm diggin their new house. So, I really don't have much to say, except for my life is really wacko. In a good way wacko, yes, but wacko just the same. In English we're doing Macbeth, which is pretty much rockin' awesome amazing. The CD that goes along with it really makes it interesting. And tomorrow we're actually acting part out, and I'm Lady Macbeth, apparantly. I'm pretty stoked. But seriously, I really love it. And I love to see her go absolutely batty over it; she's kind of obsessed. Ok. Anyway. Macbeth is pretty cool. In precal, I took a quiz on green paper for the first time in my life. I did basically amazing on it. In stats, eh.. It was ok. Oh yeah, except that I was being a complete nutcase (maybe this had something to do with the 3 coffees I drank today). Lunch was cool. Ha ha ha. I feel like a total miscrient. Is that even a word? I dunno. Yearbook was cool- one word: stickering... joy.. It was actually pretty cool. We just sat around and talked, and it felt like we were one whole yearbook staff for once. Tennis was pretty awesome.... except I ripped my jeans! And it is kind of at.. not the most opportune place. So, yeah. I mean, no, I'm not like fat, they're just old. I mean, they've got about 20 million other rips.. I don't want to part with them!!! Ok, now I'll stop rambling on. Wow, these people are so nice. Okay, so they're offering me tons and tons of food, all the food I could ever want! So, I'm eating this awesome coffee bar. It's like, mocha, so it's sweet and coffee-ish. It's really really cool. I'm gonna go watch Dora and continue being a "creeper," as Julie would say...

Wow... my life.. is...

2007-04-23T23:12:00.000-06:00

Insane. That's what I would label myself as, if I was into that sort of thing. But seriously. My life is totally crazy. Do you ever find yourself going, "Woah, what the heck just happened; what have I done?" kind of deal? Maybe?? Well, I get like that sometimes. Now is one of those times. When people hear about this, they'll probably just roll their eyes and go, "Yep. That's crazy Sherri again..".

Let's just say things are looking up.. I guess?

We'll see how things play out from here......

My life is certainly no longer mundane.

It's the best day everrrrrr!

2007-04-23T19:30:00.000-06:00

So, today is pretty rockin' awesome. It seriously was a very, very good day. First off, I woke up early and everything. (I actually didn't get much sleep). And then Janey, the dog I'm watching, went outside like an angel dog. No problems. (Ha, unlike last night when it took seriously like an hour to get her to come inside...). And then I had starbucks, which was amazing as usual. English was cool. Oh, yeah! I got a 182/ 180 on my frickin' essay!! Who'd have guessed? I seriously, seriously thought I'd barely scrape a B. A miracle, I tell you! She doesn't hate me (this morning I was kind of sad because we were being all distant or whatever, but I realize we just hadn't had our coffee yet). Yeah!! Bio was pretty cool. Student assistant was cool; I typed up this film terms paper, which was cool. She's very into film apparently, and studying film elements. And then I went back to her room and talked to her for a long time. At lunch I went to Ms. S.'s room w/ Kels, and then I went to Deca. I actually like it in there.... Ha ha. There I had more coffee!!! Wooo! And then I went to comp sci, which was pretty cool because I figured out 4 assignments. I was happy. Oh yeah, then I talked to Mr. Y for a while, actually... about, (this is crazy insane weirdness), Gysbertus! (He was Ms. B.'s husband... but I won't go into detail at all...) Mr. Y is a pretty chill guy (So, hi, if you're reading this, Mr. Y....). And then.............. (at the very end of comp sci):

THE YEARBOOKS CAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We lugged tons and tons of boxes, and then finally opened one. I loveee it. Congratulations to every single person who worked on it!

Hope everyone likes it....

I really am alive, you know.

2007-04-22T19:09:00.000-06:00

I'm alive. Believe it or not. Ha ha. Many of you have probably been wondering why I haven't posted in, what, almost 2 whole weeks?! Well, I would tell you...

Except I can't. And the reason I can't is because, well, I really don't know. I'm going to try and keep this concise, but we'll see.

This is, I think anyway, the longest I've gone without posting. So naturally it's assumed that I have a lot of catching up to do. But the truth is that, well, I don't. I mean, I certainly have some things to say.

The main thing is the Key Club Convention that I attended with my 2 best friends one week ago. We went with our faculty adviser and Kiwanis adviser, and also Noopur and Claire, a sophomore. Basically it was pretty chill; all in all I had fun. Our club got 1st place for the traditional scrapbook (and a trophy- wooo!). And also to be noted is the fact that Kelsey ran for, and subsequently won, District Bulletin Editor. Now, I realize that this probably means nothing to most of you, but to put it in perspective, she's the 3rd highest officer in our district, which is AZ, NM, and a bit of Texas too. So, congratulations, Kels!!

Other than that, nothing spectacular has really been going on. I've been trying, kind of, in math. I actually did amazing on a precal quiz, and I had so much fun at school on Friday. Oh, and last Friday was pretty cool; Ms. B. and I just sat in her room, me coloring posters and her grading essays. Oh, and we were listening to the weirdest music. It was kinda nuts. Ha ha. And she was reading me funny things from people's essays. And we were just laughing and stuff. It was really cool. Oh yeah, also this week, I ditched computer science to go to humanities, and I got all this cool footage and some pics for the yearbook DVD. And the next day Ty brought in a Turkey Vulture. Anyway...

So, a bit more about the lack of posts. I really don't know why. I suppose I was feeling like this blog title didn't fit me at all. Supersherri? I mean, come on. That's not me, I thought. One of my friends even threw out the idea that I was depressed. I seriously thought I might be. But, I dunno, I guess after a long, long shower yesterday, and all day alone today, I'm not. I'm really really not depressed. In fact, I'm better than before. I seriously debated deleting this blog. But I have decided, at least for now, I'll still keep it. (Sound familiar?). Oh yeah, also, hi dad, because I know you're reading this. So yeah, now my parents apparently read this too. I guess it's kind of a good thing.

And right now, I'm in a good mood. A really good mood. Despite having just been force-fed stringy pork roast (shiver), I'm in a very fine mood. I don't want to attribute this all to recent events, but it certainly is probably a big part of it.

Anyway, I guess that's about it for now.

So,

I'm alive!!!!

pink milk and my dorky day

2007-04-10T19:36:00.000-06:00

Pink milk is pretty much the greatest. Well, it's technically "strawberry milk," but I prefer the terminology that I used even when I was really little. I used to really like it; I'd ask for it all the time. And then for a long, long time I really became disinterested. Just recently, though, I have become really enthralled by it.

Anyway, that's what I just finished drinking. Now I think I'm going to finish this post, and then try and do bio, then maybe go to bed early for once. Because I really couldn't sleep for some reason yesterday.

Well, today was alright, I suppose, but I was kind of a loser/dork a lot of the time. I have just recently become obsessed with drawing Lord of the Flies pictures in my sketchbook; it just lends itself so nicely to it. So, I was a dork and showed Ms. B. the picture of the skewered pig's head, and then I helped her hang up a huge piece of paper that would become the mural. In class we did more symbolism stuff, which was actually cool. If LotF was just a story about boys on an Island and nothing else, it wouldn't be really a good book. But there's so many symbols to be looked for, so many meanings to 'dig' for. And some are really cool. Sometimes looking for symbolism seems kind of bogus, but a lot of the time, it really makes sense, and I like it. In precal I actually really, really tried to learn/ pay attention. I even talked to her about coming in at lunch. In stats, we took a test... not even going to touch on that. Don't want to think about it. Anyway, at lunch, true to my word, I chilled with Mrs. S for a little bit and went over the test. I think she's actually beginning to like me. It certainly seems like it anyway: she was being uber nice. After spending a while in Precal, I kind of wandered around to bio, and outside, and it was really windy and I wasn't finding anybody, so I went to Ms. B.'s room. I just went in, said hi, and said, "Well, I guess I'll just stay here; it's windy." And then I mumbled something about how I remembered a spoon for once for my yogurt, and I flipped open Milagro Beanfield War and started reading. Yeah. I'm a dork. We didn't really say much. I just went in her room, opened a book, and started reading and eating boisenberry yogurt. What a loserish thing to do... I stayed there the whole time. In yearbook, I talked, ran around, and drew. Pretty sweet. Oh yeah, I also won this gross candy. I ditched tennis again because of the wind.

K, now I'm going to go finish bio while drinking more pink milk. Then bed....

Is it only monday??

2007-04-09T20:25:00.000-06:00

It's kind of hard to beleive that just this morning I was groggily getting dressed, shoving food in my mouth, and saying goodbye to my granparents with coffee in my left hand, car keys in the other. Today has been a long day, but not necessarily bad. I'm glad to be back, I decided. I joyfully bounded into English with a "Hey, Ms. B. How was Virgina?" It was nice being back in that room.. we talked a little bit. But I mean, she does that whole "vague" thing. Like, to answer the Virginia question, she said, "Oh I had a lot of fun; it was really great. I saw my family and friends. All in all I had a wonderful time there." See? Nothin'. An enigma. Anyway, in English we did this stupid thing in the IMC with the guidance counselors. How to write a resume. Please. She even READ to us. The packet. Now, I'm generally quite calm and collected when it comes to being read to; sometimes I even enjoy it. But today for some reason, sitting in that oh so uncomfortable blue chair, I felt like my intelligence was being insulted. All in all, it was really a waste of time. In bio we took notes and played with strips of paper. And in student assistant, I hung up collages on the wall, talked some with Ms. B., graded journal entries, talked some more, went to go make 30 copies of something, which took forever, and then talked with her until the end of the period. Which was kind of a long time. She’s really an interesting person. We talked about yearbook, and about her high school years a little, and also her college days a litte. Oh yeah, also about the first school she taught at: a little farm school where no one went on to college and most girls either got married or pregnant, and lots of kids dropped out to go work on farms and whatnot. Crazy. So, that was about the extent of that. Kels, Julie, and I went to bio for lunch. I ran to computer science as usual, where I actually opted to do work (partly because I was right in full view of Mr. Y) and got my assignments done. I ditched tennis to go to Julie’s house; we ate strawberries and worked on the scrapbook while listening to the Beatles. Kelsey came.. then left… then came again.. We (all 3 of us total) got a lot done—yess: we might actually get this done by convention on Friday!! Maybe. Fingers crossed.

And now? Now what am I doing? I’m chewing wintergreen gum, tapping my foot against the desk, and listening to the TV in the other room. And stalling. See, I should be madly reading my stats book, as there is a test tomorrow. And, what makes it worse, is that I HAVE NO CLUE what I’m doing. I mean, at all. And no notes allowed this time. Darn. Well, gee. I should really go do that….

Soon. In a few minutes. Really.

But as for now… hm.. I think that this blog needs some spice, some color. It’s seeming a tad… drab. Ah, here we go:

This is my grandfather's foot. Can you tell I was a little bored yesterday?

And this is Pendejo, the 3 legged dog from Milagro Beanfield War. Don't ask...

Well, there you go. A little randomness is always a good thing.

Well, Easter is generally a time for families..

2007-04-08T20:02:00.000-06:00

Families are weird. Just a fact. I don't think there's really a 'normal' family; there's always some weird thing about them. Then again, what defines family? I've lately been thinking a lot about this, on my trip and whatnot. Also, right now. See, I'm here at the computer munching chips and guacamole, listening to the Goo Goo Dolls (I haven't listened to them in an eternity), and freezing my legs off because I'm in my new, short, olive-green shorts from Old Navy. And my oma, opa, dad, mom, brother, and sister are all splayed on the floor and various pieces of furniture watching a really ridiculous movie: RV. Simply, RV. If you have not seen it, I advise keeping it that way. They think it's great humor, but it's really... not. Basically to put it bluntly, it sucks. It's pathetic. I attempted to do the whole 'good daughter, part-of-the-family' thing and watch it with them just now... but I gave up after, oh, 20 minutes. I've actually suffered through this movie many, many times. My poor poor little brother has been brainwashed into thinking it is a good movie. He actually enjoys it.. or thinks he does. Well, anyway, I just recently have been noting the whole family thing. Some families are extremely close. Some families look all alike. Family is a very interesting concept. What exactly is "family"? A group of people, a mother, father, and children? Or maybe it's just everyone living in the same household? Perhaps it is a huge over-arching umbrella that encompasses every blood relative? But really, is family just 'blood-related'? I would reply with an emphatic "No," for the simple reason that I have experienced oh so many counter examples. I won't go into details, but I will just say that I really believe that family is not simply blood related. It's somehow deeper. I really can't explain it... family is such a weird thing... And the whole family/friend thing. I mean, it's kind of like a venn diagram in some cases. Someone can be your family without being your friend... someone can be your friend without being actual family (well, duh, right?).. and someone can be a friend and family. Now, this third category is intriguing. As I think about it, I guess I would consider some people in this category... but it's interesting. Okay, so here's the deal. A friend is someone whom with you communicate/talk/relate to/chill with/etc. right? I certainly communicate with members of my family, some more than others. But I honestly don't know if I (okay, this is going to be tricky, phrasing this, but I'll try) would interact with these people if I didn't have to. And a real friend is someone who you chooose, well, mutually of course. Hm.....

Okay okay okay. Enough of this. I'm just digging myself deeper into stupid territory. On another note, spring break is basically over. In just a matter of hours, I will be yet again back in school. The way I have it stated here, it is neither a bad thing or a good thing. It is a simple fact. I suppose in a way, though, I want to go back. It's always weird coming back from a vacation, don't you think? I really dislike it. The whole catching up, what'd you do/see thing. It's really quite annoying. At any rate, it's over.

And was it good, useful, productive, relaxing, helpful? Hrm.. yes and no. I suppose, yes. Yes it was. I mean, I escaped the clutches of my math teacher for a little while, and I read 2 books. I finished The Lord of the Flies. It was interesting... I can't tell if I liked it or not. Certainly not as much as the other things we've read (like Dorian Grey, Animal Farm, even Paradise Lost..). It seemed like... a lot of nothing. I mean, I know there were events that took place, and that the book was of average length. It just kind of seemed like not much plot... kids on an island, with time they become savage and turn on each other. Yay. The other book I finished was Where the Heart Is. I liked it. Well, most of it. Some parts were definitely NOT necessary. At all. I don't even want to think about it. Oh yeah, I also got further in Milagro Beanfield War. I was hesitant at first, but decided to read it because a teacher recommended it (which is kind of surprising, actually. Her personality definitely does not fit the book.. ha ha), and discovered that I'm actually enjoying it. It's not one of those 'I cannot possibly bear to put this thing down' books. But it's not at all one of those books that I hate to pick up. Like, um, The Good Earth. Ha ha. Yuck.

Well, I'm kind of feeling guilty for not being with my grandparents who I don't get to see very often, so I'll do the whole family thing now.

Dreams

2007-04-07T22:38:00.000-06:00

Well, okay. So my grandparents are here. It's always interesting when they visit. They're kind of health nuts, so they adore places like Vitamin Cottage and Trader Joe's. I actually relate to them a lot of the time; I actually surprisingly enjoy talking to them. I honestly get along better with my grandfather (Opa, as I call him), and actually talked to him for a long time today about, well, my spring break and also about colleges in general. I like talking to him because he doesn't berate or ridicule me in any way. He asks what I enjoy doing, and he listens more than spouting out advice.

Okay, well, anyway, I got kind of off topic. Getting back to what I was originally going to say, I have been thinking about dreams lately. It's kind of weird. I go through little phases in which I remember dreams for a few nights, and then I go back to my same old not-remembering-dreams way. I decided to relate just a few, before I forget them (just recently I had these).

First off, here's a good dream, actually. So I was in the RV, and we were going to visit my relatives (it was summer). We narrowly escaped a tornado, and we finally ended up at JMU (James Madison University). I wandered down the halls with the tour, but somehow got lost. I wandered hall after hall (all of which looked remarkably like the halls at my high school, complete with yellow lockers), and I rounded a corner and stepped into a large lecture hall. There I saw a man scribbling at big desk, and he looked up. It was Gysbertus. So, I forget the details, but I basically talked to the guy for a really really long time. He told me that he, since he was a professor, could automatically admit me. He did, and I became a humanities major. Well, then we went through his back door, which opened into Mr. T's biology room somehow. And then we walked up to Ms. B.'s room to tell her. And from there I kind of forget what happened, but there were locusts in the halls at the high school.

Okay, new dream. This one is quite interesting. I don't remember where I was or what was going on, but it was night time and I snuck into a room with a computer. I hurredly logged on and was reading a friend of mine's blog. Well, basically, I read it, and it said all this horrible stuff. Hm, how should I put this.. he was basically posting how he was vacationing at some remote spot with a teacher-friend of his. And he was posting about how they were planning murders. They were planning on murdering several students/teachers, and eventually taking over the school? The details are quite hazy, but yes. I don't know why he would even post such a thing (I would think it'd be kind of.. secret), but hey. It's just a crazy dream. It was really real somehow, though.. Weird.

Well, this one is even weirder. Man, I remember there was so much plot to this dream, but somehow it is all opaque and hazy now... let's see. I think someone stole my car, so I had to ride my bike to school instead of driving. I tried, but then there were these guards near the stoplight out of town who told me to turn around, that no bikes were allowed, only cars. So I rode around on my green bike (my bike is not green, by the way) and I came to this tavern, kind of by the current fire station, next to my brother's daycare. It was sort of a pub. I tied up my bike with rope, for some reason, and I walked in. It was dimly lit, but very busy. There was a commotion by the bar, and I walked over to see what everyone was gawking over, and there was a (don't laugh) leprechaun. He was about 3 inches tall, and quite proportionate.

Well.... I'm back

2007-04-07T16:37:00.000-06:00

So right now I'm listening to this crazy Polish pop my mom's friend burnt for her and scarfing down some frootloops (they are pretty much the greatest thing on earth right about now). I kind of broke my thumb (not really, no worries) while attempting to wrestle my bike out of my tiny Honda just now. And, let me tell you: not a very pleasant experience. But I managed to get it, somehow, though it took about a trillion years. Anyway, as a result of my throbbing thumb, my typing is slightly impaired, and I may not be able to have the patience to type very long, though I have TONS I could/ might relate. As you may have gathered from my last (very short) post, I am now home. In a nutshell, I was incarcerated in an RV with my family driving aimlessly through the wastelands and cities of Texas, occasionally stopping to look at colleges. I really do not feel like relating my trip, as I’m sure you the reader do not feel like reading it, but I will say I met some pretty interesting people. I met this midget dude at Texas Tech named Maroof who was a petroleum engineer with a thick Middle Eastern accent. In Austin at Concordia, I met this lady with a hairy mole under her bottom lip that totally looked like a goatee. Her forhead was dappled with these huge protruding bumps. They were kind of like zits, only huge and tumor-like. She was pretty nice. I also met tons of other people, like this nice Junior English major chick with long blond hair at Texas A&M, and this Sophomore Psychology major guy with shaggy brown hair at Texas Tech that offered me and my mom an umbrella. Oh, and I met this dude with crooked teeth at an RV park, and he had the cutest Siberian husky ever. Okay. Enough of my trip, really. So, I have actually thought a lot about it, and I suppose I will keep my blog. I thought A LOT about quitting this one, and starting a new one. This one really kind of bugs me. But I looked at it, and it’s really not as bad as I thought. It just seems pretty… egotistical. All of it. Look at the f-ing title, for Pete’s sake. So, while bouncing around in our good ol’ RV with nothing really to do but stare out the window at the barren and desolate landscape, I thumbed through the map, searching blindly for a word, a name, that I could use for a new title. I never actually came up with one that way, but I ended up thinking of one on my own, influenced heavily by someone I know. So, even now, I am quite tempted to throw in the towel, so to speak, and start anew. You know, get that anonymity I have so craved at times. But then I think… wait a minute. I don’t really actually want anonymity. I want to be read, to be known. I think what I fear most at times (and this has really surfaced again and again in my mind on this trip) is… well, being alone. Solitude. You know, you can be surrounded by people and still be completely isolated. It’s weird. I mean, I kind of felt that way, standing in the drizzling and dreary rain as I stood surrounded by cold, gray concrete as thousands of strangers shuffled by me with upturned collars. I felt alone. And I think that, well, this is one way for me to be, or at least feel, connected. So. My thumb is hurting and I really should go at least speak to my grandparents. Bottom line: I was gone; now I’m back; I thought about bailing on this pathetic excuse for a blog; I ended up deciding to stick with it. What the hey. It’s something.

Home sweet home...

2007-04-06T22:11:00.000-06:00

let me just say.... I'M ECSTATIC AND EXTREMELY RELIEVED TO BE HOME!!

SO long.. and, "so long"

2007-03-28T19:53:00.000-06:00

Okay. I’ve been telling everyone that I’m going to go work on my essay right now. Well, know what? I’m lying. I’m writing, but it’s not my essay. I’m writing a post, and I suspect it might be quite long. It’s going to help me figure out my thoughts as I go. And at the end, I might just come to the conclusion that I’m going to have to be a copy-cat (like always), but I will inevitably get to that and explain more. Well, I don’t know why, but it seems like an eternity since my last post. I have no clue why I feel like that, but I do. I don’t even remember what I last wrote about. (By the way, I’m feeling kind of lazy, so don’t expect this to be nice and neat and separated into paragraphs; it will be scrambled and mixed up, just like my weary brain). Well. Well, well, well. Where to begin. The last time I wrote, I think it was something about, um, my sickness? I think. Yeah, it was some stupid dramatic thing. I really did feel rather like crap, but it was certainly overly spruced with drama. Yeah. Not in the mood today, folks. So, fact is, I’m feeling better, I guess. My throat’s still bugging me, but I really don’t feel like I have a fever or anything. Enough about my health; it really is quite uninteresting. Instead, here’s another fact: everyone, students and teachers alike, are getting fed up. Fact is, we’re tired. And irate. Overall, stressed, pissed, and not terribly chipper. Maybe I’m biased, but the general consensus of people that I’ve talked to/ observed is that everyone is ready for spring break. I for one am very, very ready. I think I’m ready for more than that. Ready for a break from being Sherri. Of course, that’s completely fanciful (one of my greater qualities is my knack for stating the obvious), but still, I can dream. Well, one more day. One more day, and then at least I will be away from here, for at least a little while. I certainly won’t be away from reality though; in fact, I will be right in reality’s face, as I am going to go look at a few colleges. Yeah. Well, no matter. I’m strangely not worried about tomorrow in the slightest. Well, maybe in the slightest. But just ever so slightly. I mean, right now, I ought to be writing my T.S. Eliot essay, which, if I worked as hard as I should, should take me about.. oh.. 2 hours, maybe? If I had more days, I would probably take even longer than that on it, but alas, I have a limited number of hours in which to work. Anyway, I have an essay, precal hw, stats hw, studying for precal, and studying for bio. Among other things. And, so, yes, I will probably be up very, very late, and will most likely get only a sparse few hours of sleep, but, you know what? Who really cares. I just have to push through today.. /tomorrow.. Well, think I’m done yet? You’re wrong if you think so; I’m just getting started. I really don’t know what to say as far as this next important thing goes, so… maybe I won’t say it, just yet. Instead, I’ll ramble through my insane day. I swear, someone’s out to get me.. Pretty much today everything was.. not how it should be. Life went on exactly the same, mundane way as always in this tiny, broken, pathetic little town… and yet.. things were drastically different. Turned sideways. Things were wacked. Alright. I somehow miraculously got up at 5:30ish. Jumped in the shower. Jumped out. Ate breakfast, for once (frootloops). Sped to school. Wait, I stopped at starbucks for a mocha. Parked. Walked through the freezing cold wind to English, where Ms. B. miraculously was. She must seriously get there 2 hours before school starts.. holy crap. So I walk in, and say, “Wow, holy crap.. are you always here this early??” She said, “Yeah, I try to get here about this time everyday. I like to come and get work done; it’s easier to work when no one’s here.” And I said, “You mean when we noisy kids aren’t here..” And she kind of smiled and nodded. I told her I was going to go get help in precal, even though I loathe that place. So I ran off to precal, and was honestly shocked out of my mind to find the door unlocked. So, I walked in, and we went through my old test. I was in her room for over. An. Hour. It was insane. In English we presented our posters, and she said our symbolism was good. I didn’t really talk much to her today. In precal I attempted to learn. In stats I didn’t. During lunch I was an idiot and took a precal test. I was late to yearbook. Yearbook was okay; I finished my project and it looks mighty fine. I’m really excited. Oh yeah, and I walked around with Simone and got crazy footage for the DVD.. insane!! But not as insane as what happened after school. (Wow, this is getting long, huh? I really am a procrastinator.. I should be working on my essay!! I’ll try to wrap it up, but believe me, this is long for a reason). So basically I walked to my car. I said goodbye to my friends, yadda yadda. Then—great. Where’re my keys? I dumped my backpack out searching… couldn’t find ‘em. I ran back over the overpass. I saw Mr. M, and decided to stalk him to see if he would take me to Ms. B., but instead he went into Easton’s. I then went to Mrs. S’s room… locked. Then, starting to hyperventilate slightly, I went to the office. No keys were found, but I should try again in the morning. Well, that’s just great, I thought, and wandered into the IMC. There, I attempted to catch my bearings. I mean, all day things were, as I said earlier, … not right. I mean, Ms. B. was all distant and stressed. She wasn’t mean.. no. But she wasn’t completely herself. She’s stressed; we all are. I certainly am…. And Mrs. S. was being nice.. that’s certainly different. And then, after stats… that was really unnerving to see my ex-boyfriend and some #$%^*!@%. Wait. Let’s try that again… with some $*!@. No, no.. let’s try this ONE more time: … with some… girl. Yes. With some girl. Moving on……… Back to the keys. So I was in the IMC, trying to make my head stop spinning, and so I flung my backpack down by a computer, and headed towards the bathroom. I was going to go to the sink and splash some cold water on my face to calm me down, but there was some chick in there, kind of just standing there, looking like she was waiting. So, I just went into a stall. Well, I quickly jumped back, as the toilet was kind of overflowing with some revolting gunk and I’mnotgoingintodetails. Sooo.. I went into the NEXT stall, which I found to be satisfactory.. or at least not oozing disgusting stuff… I came out, washed my hands, and then my mouth felt completely arid, so I got a nice gulp of water from the fountain. After that gulp, I felt I had things semi under control, and I went to go sit down at a computer to think. Well, just as I logged in, the lady said, “time to log out; we’re closing.” I groaned and clicked ‘log out’ as I picked up my backpack. I sat outside the IMC thinking awhile. I finally resolved to go back to my car and look for the spare key. After about 15 or more minutes of groping the underside of my car (not actually a pleasant experience, by the way..), I was grimy and forlorn. I called Kelsey. We talked. I ran to p-wing. I pounded on the door. I pounded on the other door. Finally, finallllllly, after about a million billion eons, Sarah’s mom came and let me in. We called Jesus (ha ha, as I’m typing this, I realize this sounds completely insane and completely ridiculously hilarious). Jesus is the janitor. Jesus let me in to the computer lab. Just as I looked about the room crestfallen, I spotted my coat hanging sad and alone on a faded yellow chair. I ran to it, and yes.. there were my keys, too. I thanked Sarah’s mom. And I thanked Jesus. Ha ha. That works. I sped out of the parking lot, and stopped jerkily at starbucks. There, I saw a woman with my first name, and my ex-boyfriend’s last name. Hm….. *snaps out of it * Anyway, she looked at me and said, “hey. What’s on your face?” I related the story quickly. And paid for my drink and left. I sped home, where sat at my computer and imed… someone for a very, very long time. It was pretty crazy. It wore me out, drained me emotionally. Yes, I’m drained. I’ve decided. Drained physically (tennis and sickness and tiredness). Drained intellectually (precal today… made my brain fizzle out into nothingness). And drained emotionally (not even going to go there). Well. Well well well. I have now come to what I think is the end of my post. And so therefore I must say this news. I have demonstrated that can certainly be a copycat. And certainly am, a lot of the time. Well, I am going to be one once again, for hopefully one of the last times. Anyway, what I mean is this: One of my friends is no longer going to keep updating his blog as frequently as he usually does. Well, I’ve decided that that is quite a good idea. I’ve mentioned the fact that I was toying with the idea that I might get rid of this blog, and perhaps start a new one, an anonymous one. For now, though, I’m going to keep it. But I’m going to do an experiment. I’m going to see if I can go without it. Kind of like fasting, you might say. I want to prove to myself that I can deal with change, and that sometimes things will be shaken up. Well, I’m shaking things up. This will be probably the longest post I have ever written, and most likely the last one for a while. Besides, it won’t be so bad…I mean, people that I’ve been talking to.. well, they don’t really read this anymore anyway. So I doubt I’ll disappoint very much at all. I just need to get through tomorrow. Then I’ll be gone for a week. Rejuvenated? Maybe. Different? Well, yes. Like I’ve said before, everyone is always changing. No one… nothing… is ever the same for an instant. Life is motion.. change… maybe that’s what I need. Okay. Enough procrastinating. Enough BS. Goodbye, reader.

amazing..

2007-03-27T14:52:00.001-06:00

So, I ended up going to Comp Sci; that's where I am now. I feel somewhat better, and I no longer have a fever. I'm not going to go to tennis though. So basically before school I went to English and did some bio (but first made copies of a page of my essay that she wanted to use as an example). I made the mistake of being a whiny kid and telling her how I was sick, yet again. She was, as always, extremely sympathetic. We talked a bit and she asked me if I'd taken anything. I told her no, and so she told me to go to the nurse and not to worry if I was late. So I went to the nurse this morning and got some tylenol, which was nice, and also a cute little half-pint of water. Oh yeah, and also a peppermint. I walked back into English and class had just started. During class we basically were put into groups and worked on posters about symbolism in LotF. We got like the easiest one, Piggy's Glasses. So we finished that, hung it up on the wall, and I went to bio. Oh except first I went to Sarah and Julie's gov't class and got yelled at yet again by Ms. N. I don't even have her. In bio we did kind of nothing. I'm going to die though: test on Thursday. After bio I traipsed over to student assistant. I walked in and said, "hey" but as soon as I had set my stuff down she said, "Sherri, I just got off the phone with the nurse. I called and told them that you were going to go in and rest there. So, they're expecting you." I smiled, shocked. I finally said but 2 words, but they were said with such sincereness that it didn't matter that it was only 2 words. "Thank you," I said emphatically, and left. I stumbled deleriously into the nurses office, and she led me to the back room. I set down my backpack, and lay down. It was basically the most amazing feeling ever. I just stared at the ceiling for a while, escaping reality. I didn't think about how I'm going to fail out of precal. I didn't think about how much work I have to do. I just let my mind wander. After a bit, I rolled on my side and fell asleep. It was definitely the greatest thing. At lunch I did bio corrections, getting some done for once. And computer science was kind of dull, except for me going up and showing how to do one of the assignments. It was kind of crazy. Okay. Bell rang. I'm going home, maybe stopping by Starbucks....

amazing..

2007-03-27T14:52:00.000-06:00

Ahhhhhhhh! First precal problems, now this.. What is WRONG with me?

2007-03-26T20:28:00.000-06:00

What is my problem? Is this sickness affecting my brain? I’m cold. And shivering. And sputtering. And muttering. What is wrong??? Why is this such a huge deal? Is my mind just wonky because of the sickness? What if it’s not?? He has every right to do whatever the heck he wants; why should I care? Yes! Here here! Am I insane? Do humans have free will? What is real?

????
???
??
?

hell

2007-03-26T19:01:00.000-06:00

I am scalding hot, body red. My breathing is shallow and irregular and forced. My head is pounding with a magnitude to rival my meningitis days. I have a lump in my throat that makes it unbearably hard to swallow. My eyes are burning. I ache. I feel like I could retch my innards out all over my precal binder. Basically, hell.

I honestly don’t feel like doing my usual boring as heck rundown of the day. I honestly feel like hurling a textbook through a window or something. Wait, no. I doubt I have the energy. I just want to collapse and make it all go away. My only release is when asleep. Okay, I suppose I owe an explanation as far as the whole ‘freaky, pissed off, I hate everything attitude.’ I woke up feeling nauseous; I knew today was going to be bad. Oh, but I didn’t know how bad. Before school my best intentions were to go to precal, but I honestly, honestly loathe that place. It reeks of death and decay. I utterly hate everything about precal. Instead I went to the place where I can, for a short time anyway, escape reality partially. Or at least pretend. In English we basically just read LotF, but I was done so I organized some of her humanities stuff and put it in folders. Jeez. Am I a suck-up? Know what?—I don’t care if I am. I don’t mean to be. I certainly don’t need to in that class. Sorry if I seems a tad like I’m bragging or something like that, but it really is all I have to brag about, my one thing that I can hold onto and say, “Look, I like this, and I’m good at it, and I love going to this class.”

Okay. Well, then. Now came death. It was like a viper striking. I don’t even want to think about it; the thought is making my stomach churn literally and my head throb even more. Basically she hates me. And wants to eat me (Julie said it, not me..). Stats doesn’t matter, except for the one miracle that was handed to me: I scraped an A out of the recent test, and I literally thought I failed it. At lunch I was a loser and worked on bio stuff in the quiet sereneness of A-7. All alone. I rather enjoy silence now and again- it was quite nice on my head. Yearbook was chaos; basically we got all worked up over the t-shirt design. Wow. And then I worked. And throughout the class my body ached more and more, as well as my throat.

Tennis was torture. I could not hit the ball for the life of me, and finally after like an hour I couldn’t take it, so I just lay down right there on the court. Flat as a pancake. No one cared or noticed; it was great. Wobbling slightly, I headed for the bathrooms because I was sure I would throw up or something. I ended up spending a glorious eternity at the waterfountain, gulping the weird tasting ice cold stuff down.

After practice Julie and I chilled at Starbucks. This was the one saving grace, the one hallelujah all day. When that Grande White Mocha touched my lips and ran down my throat in all of its caffinated, gooey, sugary, creamy goodness, I was content for once today.

But now I’m at home. I was upset. My dad, surprisingly, calmed me down. He gave me ice-water. He talked serenely and logically with me. Our voices were, as Mrs. S. would say, “one meter voices.” HOLY CRAP I HATE THAT…

Calm..

Calm.

Okay. My fever is only 99.7. I’m not going to die. Even though this week will be even more torturous than today (shudder shudder), I won’t die. At least I hope not. I already keeled over twice today…

insanity...

2007-03-25T20:24:00.001-06:00

Okay. Taking a break from my essay. I’m actually making progress, I think. Kind of. Maybe. Anyway, here’s the current scene at my house. Approximately 5 times per minute, 2 shirtless little boys (my brother and cousin) run by me, chasing each other and wielding flyswatters. They are yelling and babbling incoherently. Occasionally they run over to me or my aunt or dad or mom and swat. In the background, my mom and aunt are talking in the kitchen, and my dad and uncle are talking in the front room. My sister and other cousin are sitting about 2 feet from a blasting TV playing Mario Party something. Oh yeah, and now the baby is crying. I suppose everyone’s accounted for. Basically, life is insane. All I really want to do is run into my room, slam the door, and jump into bed. And fall asleep. Holy crap, this week is going to be absolute torture, absolute insanity. I always loathe the end of the 6 weeks, but this time will be excruciatingly painful. I need to correct 2 bio tests, finish this essay, and somehow, someway complete 2 precal tests. I grow queasy at the thought. Ah, well. No matter. I’ll just jam out to music for now, and keep working on my essay. I seriously doubt I’ll finish tonight, actually. Bring on the double shot expresso is all I can say for this week…..

You don't know...

2007-03-24T15:37:00.000-06:00

Okay. Right now I should probably actually be writing my huge research essay, but I’m not. Instead I’m eating baby goldfish (we finally got some—yess!), listening to quiet music, and also watching my cousins. See, they’re visiting from CO. Their ages are: 7, 4, and almost 1. Yeah, so, insane. Including my brother there are 4 crazy little boys running around here. I was too, but then I got tired and decided to come here and attempt to write my essay. Alas, it is tougher than I thought. I mean, the hard part is getting started, I suppose. I don’t know why I feel so drained still. I even went to bed at a reasonable time (11 or so), and slept in until like 9. I don’t exactly feel tired, I just feel… calm. Sedentary. Perhaps it’s the overall quiet pervading our house (the baby’s sleeping). It’s just a quiet, quiet day.

Different topic, slightly. Okay. So everyone needs some sort of.. escape, some means of coping with everyday life. Almost everyone needs to just.. somehow convey information. I’m beginning to think that my.. coping mechanism, if you will, is writing. Of course, drawing as well is certainly soothing, but I think writing things down helps me to just spill, to get my thoughts out. A lot of times I use this blog as simply a means of doing that, of emptying my thoughts from my head and putting them somewhere where I (and others) can see them. Instead of having them just confined in my mind, they are somehow free. I was thinking about this the other day, actually, what would happen if I simply just stopped posting. And I realized that it would really be different; I’m just so used to it now.

A lot of things, though, a lot.. I don’t put here. I hesitate before saying something, because of the lack of anonymity now. I sometimes contemplate completely starting anew, and having it completely hidden and therefore unreachable by people who know who I am. Sometimes I loathe the fact that I am known; I often desire to just be Anon. An indistinguishable being. So, I often find myself wanting to start a completely different blog, and also certainly wanting a completely new email address…

Rain again

2007-03-23T16:06:00.000-06:00

So now part 2. (Of my day). Where was I? Oh yes—S.A. I walk in, and she says, “okay, I’m going to have you do a creative project.” I say, “chill,” and listen as she tells me what she wants me to do (something with the bulletin boards). I was about to do the tasks set before me, but then I remembered I needed to get the key from Regina in the front office to the display case (to take all our English projects out). I empty that out, lug the cumbersome projects back to her room, and then I start working on taking down all the bulletin board stuff. Oh yeah, this part is kind of crazy. So we’re talking as I start taking down papers, and then Mr. L comes in (even though he has a gov’t class then.. weird) and starts talking to Ms. B. about Canterbury tales stuff. I dunno.. it was just kind of a weird sight to behold for some reason. He left, and then we got to talking about the rest of the year (what we’d be doing and whatnot). We’re going to apparently quickly finish LotF, and then do Macbeth? Something like that. Ha, this is funny though: we were talking about the dearth of LotF books, and then she took off on this rant about public school funding. It was slightly amusing, yet also slightly frightening. Well, okay, it wasn’t actually scary… But, I mean seriously.. what she was saying was right on, too.

After that, the conversation tapers into something else, and then, as I finish up taking stuff off one board, she gets up and says, “I’m going to go get some coffee.. want some?” I look up, blink twice, and then say, “Well, yeah, sure.” She says, “Do you like cream?” Slightly fazed, I reply, “Um, yes please.” Without hesitation she says, “Sugar?” And I grin and say, “Oh yeah.” And she disappears. And as if that isn’t enough, she comes back in a while later with two identical coffee cups and says, “Oh, I couldn’t find any creamer, but hang on one sec, I’m going to go grab some.” I start to say, “Oh, no. It’s okay” but she’s gone before I can finish. I meander around the room; she’s gone a while. But then she comes back, and I say, “Thank you so much.” She smiles as she downs her own un-creamed coffee. Well, then I go to the IMC, cut some yellow paper for the board, and come back. After an eternity (and a little help from Ms. B.) I manage to get it to look decent. I then go back to the IMC to find some quotes to put on the board. Long story short, that takes the entire rest of the time, and also lunch.

I cut out most of the quote, but then had to leave because the bell rang. I was tempted to just stay there and not go to computer science, but I decided not to even though she was totally chill with it. Instead I moseyed on over to computer science, where we actually did work (hence the short blog post from then).

But get this: after the bell rang, I dashed out of the loft and into the pouring rain. And let me tell you, it was just about the greatest thing ever. The rain is so calming. I absolutely love the smell of cold, clean rain. It’s one of the best smells out there. So I grinned and walked leisurely through the rain, taking no heed that I was getting kind of soaked. I nonchalantly dropped into A-7, where Ms. B. still sat at her desk. She took me in for a moment, with my goofy smile, my cookie-monster shirt, and my complete soaked-ness, and laughed and said, “Hey, Sherri.” We talked for a bit about how completely wonderful the rain is as I got my tennis clothes from the cabinet. And with a “have a good weekend” from Ms. B., I trudged off into the rain.

Sopping wet and slightly delusional, I kind of just stood there by E-wing. I don’t know what compelled me to do this, but I walked under the overhang to get drenched. Grinning, quite cold, and hair plastered to my forehead, I simply just stared out at the parking lot. I stayed that way (for what I didn’t think was actually that long) but then gave a start as I saw Ms. B. in her little green jacket in her little blue car pulling out of the parking space. I didn’t want her to think me completely insane, so I ducked behind the building.. but I think she may have seen me anyway. Well, no matter. I don’t remember making a conscious decision to not go to tennis, but I kind of just instinctively flicked on my windshield wipers and drove home.

So yes. Today is just kind of a calm day. No wigging. No spazzing out. No rolling around on the floor like a freak and laughing. No real stress either...

I mean, I can think of lots of things today that certainly could have been potentially stressful… but somehow weren’t.

Sigh. I love curling up and reading (which is what I’m about to do)...I love creating simple cartoons in my simple sketchbook... I love coffee with cream and sugar... and I love everything about rain.

rain rain rain

2007-03-23T14:58:00.000-06:00

You know that nursery rhyme, 'rain, rain, go away' deal? I don't understand it; I'm really really liking the rain today. It's amazing. It's like, 'woah, what's this cold, wet stuff falling from the sky??' Honestly. We never get any moisture, so the calming rain is a nice change.

The rain also likely means that tennis is cancled? I don't know. I probably should have gone yesterday... but eh. Eh, I say.

Today is a pretty chill day; I knew it would be. I woke up kind of late again, went to English, and started to do my biology. But then Kelsey comes in and we talk about random things of no importance, such as time travel, etc. Then English starts... the discussion actually went, from my perspective, very well. I'm actually quite pleased at the fact that I am now spouting off whenever possible. I don't know what actually has made me metomorphose into a 'discussion talker' from a 'mere discussion observer who says nothing.' Of course, LotF lends itself very nicely to discussion. Anyway, I went to bio, did bio-ish stuff. Oh yeah, then I went to student aid. I'll have to finish up my chill day later, as the bell just rung.

Is it Friday yet?

2007-03-22T19:42:00.000-06:00

Okay, I'm here at my computer, sipping ice water. I just finished this weird teryaki chicken. I say this so often it's getting more than slightly mundane, but the fact remains: I'm tired. Tired, tired, tired. In several senses of the word. I plan on finishing this post, doing my bio, and then going to bed. Let me relate my day. I woke up late. I don't even remember this morning. I almost fell asleep in the shower; I don't know how long I stayed in there. I left my house at 8:02. I sped to school in the slick rain-- not exactly a smart move. I parked, sprinted to English. My watch isn't working right, so I didn't know if it was the actual bell or the 2-minute bell. I ran in, thinking it was the actual bell. I, panting and gasping, slowly filled with the realization that I actually still had 2 minutes. So I sat in my desk, trying to catch my breath, looking wildly and anxiously about. I was going to ask about how Ms. B.'s presentation went yesterday (we were talking a lot about it yesterday), but she looked rather irate as she typed a million words per minute on her computer. She said, "Here, Sherri, this letter came for you." I cocked my head as she handed over the letter, but it ended up being from NHS, saying, "thank you for helping at the family festival" blah blah blah. I skimmed it, threw it aside, and then class started. She read chapter 3 of LotF to us; it was amazing. I know most will find this quite absurd and will think me childish and kind of nuts, but I absolutely adore it when she reads to us. Her reading voice is amazing: flowing perfectly, smoothly, and, yes, flawlessly. I've never heard such a reading voice. It takes me back to elementary, then back earlier. Back to a time when all I had to do was lie my head on the cool, clean desk and let the words wash over me, to let my worries and cares and reality evaporate and plant myself in the story instead. And that's just what I did today as Ms. B. read to us. It's funny, really. I've heard that voice in so many different ways and tones; I've heard it in a disappointed tone, in a weary tone, in a giddy tone, and also of course in a friendly tone. Today, I heard it take on a multitude of volumes and emotions as she was reading... she gets into it, makes it come alive. Perhaps that is yet another reason why I absolutely love it when she reads to us. I don't feel lowered or diminished or insulted in anyway, as most probably feel to some degree. Rather, I feel happy for this excuse to step away from my current problems and worries, at least for a little while. It is an absolute escape, a real escape. Okay, enough of that, but you get the idea. In precal, it was pretty sweet. We watched October Skies, which actually was extremely interesting; I liked it quite a bit. The whole underlying message hit home directly, for me, at least. Basically the whole, 'I'm following my own dreams in life; if I put my mind to it, I can and will succeed at doing what I want... not what my parents want for me.' After class, the movie wasn't completely over, so I actually stayed and watched it with Julie, Paco, and Jeena. Then we had to un-glue ourselves from the screen and go to stats. We had a test... Enough said. It actually took a long time for once. At lunch I went to Key Club. After that was over, I wandered around with Kelsey and Julie and was feeling particularly drained and melancholy, so I opted to go to Ms. B.’s room. So, they shrugged and departed towards E-wing, and I trudged up to A-wing. I walked into the darkened room—no one was there. So, I flicked on a light, plopped my stuff on the floor, and sat down. I dug around for a spoon, finally found one, and proceeded to eat my yogurt. I pulled out LotF and read chapter 4 and part of 5. Students started coming in, and they were kind of just wondering where she was. I took on the role, sort of, of pseudo-secretary and told everyone that she should be back soon (when in actuality I didn’t actually know where she was but figured she was at an English teacher meeting since she mentioned that sometime). The bell rang, the 10-minute bell, and still I sat. After a bunch of kids were already in the room, she comes in, not looking even slightly surprised to see me sitting in my familiar desk. She smiles and tells me that I forgot my NHS letter in the room, and starts to talk about her lunch but then gets bombarded by students’ questions and statements. I grab my tennis clothes from my cabinet at the back of the room and toss my yogurt in the trash. Then I ungracefully slink out as I mumble a “later.” The 2-minute bell rings as I exit her room, so I end up half running half walking-very-fast for the second time today. I made it to yearbook in time, almost. We worked on t-shirt designs then head to the IMC to cut paper. I finally get back to the computer lab and work on something. After school was an adventure, but I shan’t go into details. Basically Kelsey and I ran around campus and around town looking for something we never found. Exciting, eh? So I ended up ditching tennis, which was alright considering my toe still hurt mildly, and I was kind of… lethargic anyway. I drove her home and we chilled for a little at her house. I came home, sighing. My evening has consisted of yelling and me being drained. I am devoid, empty. And so, so tired. I honestly feel like “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” right now. Oh yes, that reminds me… huge-o essay needs to be completed this weekend. Which is kind of an issue because my cousins are coming tomorrow and will be here all weekend. “I grow old.. I grow old… I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.” – Eliot (again).

Ah. Well. So, good things, good things *mumbles incoherently as eye twitches*.. let’s focus on the good things. I find that that nearly always helps, if not but a smidge. 1) Friday. Tomorrow. Is. Friday. And a green Friday at that! I can hear the hallelujah chorus… 2) It being a green Friday means I will have good classes. In English we’re going to have a discussion, which will actually be interesting (provided people actually stay awake and put forth some input). In Bio we’re going to take notes.. hey, my saving grace is that Mr. T is lively and interesting. S.A… well, the reader probably gathers that I very much enjoy it (and that is kind of an understatement). And Comp Sci is just chill. Where was I… oh yes, 3) Ms. B. and I were talking... about parents, actually. I was not necessarily ranting about the suffocating oppression I experience, but I was sort of relating my displeasure at my inability to change courses as per next year. I told her, yet again, that I wished I could student assist next year, or at least hinted at it. And she went on this schpeal of how she’s so happy I’m going to be in humanities next year and how I’m probably going to end up in her class. But then she said, oh, what was it, “Well, and if you’re not… then I’m just going to have to steal you.” At which point a grin spread across my face.

Yes, yes, yes. My 3 happy things that keep me going, at least for the here and now. For the here and now, I’m very content at the above 3 things. Part of the discussion tomorrow will actually be about what motivates human beings.. well, I think these 3 things are my little motivating factors right now. Yep. The fact that tomorrow’s Friday, the fact that tomorrow I will have great classes, and the fact that I’d actually be coveted enough to be ‘stolen.’ (ha ha).

So even though today wasn’t exactly peachy-keen (when it actually was very “bleh”), I’ve still got that tiny flame going inside me, that happy flame, the flame dancing with the prospect of the future. True, that flame is deep down and hidden, cloaked and shrouded by my lethargy, weariness, and bleakness, but it’s there.

Somewhere.

Chill

2007-03-21T13:47:00.000-06:00

So get this: Mr. Y is gone, yet again. I was talking to Derek and apparantly he (he as in Mr. Y) has the flu. The poor guy seems to always be sick. He's gone so frequently.. it's insane. Anyway, so I'm sitting here, thoughtfully munching on my apple, trying to ignore the pain in my toe, and contemplating my juggling balls that are splayed thoughtlessly beside me. Basically... I'm doing nothing. I was playing powermanga for a while.. then I got slightly bored with it. Thus, I decided I would do something for the betterment of ... something.. by posting. Ah, well. Today has been pretty chill, I guess that would be an appropriate way to describe it. So I woke up (late), stumbled into the bathroom to get ready, and then I hear my mom saying "bye, guys" and then a door slam. I blinked a few times, dripping wet (I had just stepped from the shower), and then realize that they're going to SF. See, they (my parents, that is) are taking my little brother to an ear doctor, a consultation, really. Primarily they will (or have, I should say, by now..) talk about surgery, but yeah. So I had the house basically to myself (well, and my little sister) in the morning which is cool. I was contemplating dragging out the coffee maker, but then I decided I was already quite late. I left the house atrocious-looking, and mumbled a goodbye to my sister with toast in my mouth. I decided to bypass Starbucks this morning, to prove that I could, and went straight to English. During English, we took notes, for once, on citations in a research essay. So here's Ms. B.'s whole deal, her core, central issue: plagiarism. If she had to pick one thing and one thing only to enforce, it's 'no plagiarism.' She's hard-core when it comes to plagiarism; I've never seen someone so totally strict and persnickity about it. Don't get me wrong; I totally totally agree with her about how completely wrong it is to plagiarize. I've just never seen someone get like that. I suppose it's a good thing. In biology, we went over homework and took notes. Oh yeah, and had a pop quiz that I failed (though not literally, like I did last time..). Student aiding was pretty much amazing. I punched out letters, and I came back and well, we basically just talked the entire time. I made posters for the staff meeting while we just talked and talked. You know, I think that's what I'm really going to miss. Is just talking, one on one, with no one but Ms. B. It's just so peaceful. We went to go hang up posters in the Speech Theater, and then walked back to the room where we defiled and disected students' projects. I got to keep a bunch of little toy cars that I'm giving to my brother, and we talked a lot about kids. Lunch was just blah. Not even worth mentioning. Besides, now the bell is about to ring. Tennis, here I come.

Go away...

2007-03-20T22:06:00.000-06:00

So basically I'm dead tired. I really don't know why I'm so drained yet again. I mean, I didn't go to tennis (there wasn't practice).

Maybe it's my toe. It is killing me; I've never known such sharp, intense pain before. Well, I did break it (coincidentally the exact same toe), but I don't remember that even hurting all that much. But I literally mauled it; it's in shreds. I very much doubt that you the reader would want to know all the gory details, but it involved me stabbing my toe in an attempt to dig out whatever it is that's jutting into my flesh, but then rupturing something and goop oozing out. And I ripped the flesh and my toe was basically gushing blood. Pleasant, eh? So I finally just got extremely fed up, cleaned it, slapped a bandaid on, and now I guess I'll just hope for the best.

The rest of my day was as such. No, it actually was alright as b-days go. I went to Starbucks before school, where I saw Coach H. I went to English where I talked to Ms. B. and showed her my drawings of the characters in LotF (that I just drew for fun). Didn't do much in English actually. Oh, but I did end up leaving my poem on her desk; I really kind of did want her to read it, though I don't know particularly why, I mean, it doesn't make a difference. Precal.. eh.. Stats.. Mr. P. talked. Oh, but it was pretty chill: for the first well-over a half hour, we talked about everything except statistics. Like, suing people and different lawsuits and then prayer in schools and religion and a lot of other stuff too. At lunch we chilled at bio, where I actually managed to get something done. Yearbook was humdrum.. we listened to crappy music. After school Kelsey, Julie and I went to Starbucks (second time today!). We got stuff, took them to the pond, and hung out there for quite some time. By this point in the day, though, my toe was really starting to killlll me, so I was really not very happy. I don't know what actually made me do this, but long story short I ended up taking off my sock and shoe, and dipping my foot in the water (because obviously the pond water has some sort of magic healing power.. oh yes...). Finally we left, drove home.

I miss it...

2007-03-19T22:11:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm still up (obviously, eh?) and still not done with math. I'm eating chip and mint ice cream and trying to ignore the surging pain in my left big toe. Okay, since people I know are undoubtedly reading this, I won't get gory, but basically I have an ingrown toenail apparently, and it is quite red and swollen and generally just uncomfortable. Enough said.

So I have a 'profound' statement here, that I was stewing on as I stared blankly at my derivation worksheet: I am not a child any longer. I know what you’re most likely thinking right now (‘wow, she’s kind of slow..’) but I mean, really. I mean, yes, I’ve known for quite some time (many, many years) that I was transitioning from childhood into adulthood, but it rather dawned on me as I was lying on my bed doing precal that I was completely out of childhood and there was no going back. Never.

Okay, here’s the run-down of things. I was lying on my bed, barefoot and hair messed up, tapping my pencil distractedly as I stared at the complete gibberish of math symbols on the paper. I heard the hum of the dishwasher, the typing of a keyboard, the droan of the TV in the background. But then my ears perked up and I heard something else: my mother’s voice. It was calm, mellow, rhythmic, for once, and I realized that I had not heard that voice in this manner for quite some time now; she was reading to my brother. I listened for a bit, then I realized what she was reading: one of my favorite books from when I was my brother’s age, Corduroy. I listened in, shutting out the other noises, and shutting out my homework for the time being. I even shut my eyes. When it was finished, I suddenly grew revolted, almost. Here I was, 17, listening to a toddler’s bedtime story. But, in those few, peaceful, time-stopping moments, I was more than nostalgic; I was 3 again. I hadn’t heard my mother like that for such a long time. See, I’m usually the one that reads him a bedtime, story. Rarely my sister or dad. Anyway, I was, for a brief period, brought back to how it once was. A time when there really were no worries, or the biggest worry in my life was being able to write my b’s the right way in preschool or something ridiculous. There were no qualms of having to stay up to ungodly hours to finish pointless calculus derivations or statistics t critical nonsense. Not to mention scholarships, AP exams, and college. Back when life was simple and evil simply did not exist. I knew only the soft, ragged feel of my pink and blue blanket, knew only the soft voice of my effervescent young mother, knew only the taste of pancakes and noodles and mashed potatoes and cakes made with loving hands just for me. I didn’t know what life was like.

My point of all this is that I, for just a very brief speck of time, was tinged with envy. Yes, envy. Of my brother. Wait, no. For (oh, dear Lord, I sound like Dorian Gray) youth. Well, he’s right, you know. It’s the one thing that one can never get back. With time comes experience, knowledge. What is better, being young, nieve, and blissfully happy? Or being ‘un-blind-folded” and possessing knowledge of how the world really is? Which is better, happiness, or knowledge? Can one have both?

wasting time...

2007-03-19T20:47:00.001-06:00

Yawn. I’m at home now, home from tennis and all. My left big toe really hurts for some reason, and it is becoming quite annoying. I just finished my English homework, which was to write an outline in MLA style (something we’ve never had to do). It’s pretty chill; I didn’t actually mind doing it. Definitely more appealing than statistics or precal.. much, much more than precal. In fact, that is one of the reasons I am now typing this instead of doing something more productive. Procrastination is a wonderful thing.

Ah, so. Brief run-through of the day, I suppose, would be in order. In English I handed out papers and then Ms. B. talked to the class about doing their outlines, but I went to the back table with Stephen to real LotF… I’m on chapter 4 now; it’s all right, I guess. I mean, I don’t hate in by any means. It’s actually pretty interesting. Then I went to bio where it kind of killed me. Bio is the reason that I was in a horrible pissed off/ tired of the world feeling on and off all day, so I really won’t go into any details here, but it was pretty bad. I dunno…. I usually really like that class. I mean, he’s a really good teacher, very animated, extremely chill, hilarious…. But I lately really haven’t been getting the concepts. I mean, I read what I was supposed to, but apparently it’s not sinking in. After the horrible horrible horrible quiz, the rest of bio was still kind of yuck. I was really tempted to scribble on the quiz: “Mr. T, give me a break, please; my bunny died, I’m out of wack and very drained,” but I didn’t. In Student Aiding, I went there, made a blank graph on Excel for Ms. B., came back and talked to her for a long time. And then she remembers she has something else I could do if I feel up to it (I was being a whiny brat of sorts, telling her how sucky bio was and how I’m so f-ing tired for some odd reason [but that’s okay, because she was complaining about how tired she was and how she kept waking up because of her detestable allergies ] so she offered to just let me sleep). I ended up traipsing back to the IMC and typing up a rubric for our research essay, and I managed to come back in time to talk to her for quite a while about her woodpecker escapades (exciting, believe you me). At lunch Kelsey and I went to the IMC where Julie was finishing up English stuff, and then we went to bio against my will. I went to comp sci, where we actually did considerable work (compared to usual, that is). After school I went to tennis, which was okay. I kind of still suck, but I’m glad Coach W. likes me. Today I made her laugh (okay, okay, she was laughing at me, but still). Since both Julie and I were in a kind of bummed out “wow, today’s kind of crappy” mood, we chilled at Starbucks for a bit, walked to the pond for a stroll, talked there for a while, then went home more soothed and pacified somewhat. I came home, ate tacos, did English. And now I think I’m going to actually start my precal or stats. Precal tomorrow is likely going to be murder again. Gasp. Wheeze.

2007-03-19T14:19:00.000-06:00

I'm in computer science right now, sipping weird-tasting water. Hey, at least it's something; I forgot to bring a drink today, so I'll kind of take what I can get. So we just did this weird intense function. I'm copying it here just because I feel like it:

(defun intenseness(z L)
(cond ( (null L) 0)
( (= z (first L)) (+ 1 (intenseness z (rest L))))
(t (+ 0 (intenseness z (rest L)))))

Okay. Boy, that was fun. So now what... well, I guess I should explain why I didn't really post at all yesterday: a) My internet was being all funky, the connection strength was very low, and b) I kind of just didn't really feel like it.

But now I do, as I am quite bored up here in the loft. And, okay, here's the thing: I am also really tired! And I don't know why! I mean, I went to bed at a very reasonable hour (well, okay, 10:30, but that's way earlier than I've been used to going to bed lately) but I still woke up feeling like I could sleep for an eternity. I don't know why I've been so zonked lately. Maybe I should really just go to bed insanely early today and totally skive off my homework. I would relate my day, but I'm supposed to be working on another 'challenge'... maybe at home, I'll write about my day, but honestly I just feel like crawling up, closing my eyes, and letting sleep wash over me.

Over

2007-03-17T15:27:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting here at my computer, eating cookies to placate my weariness. This really has got to stop: me being dead tired. So, today has been really an interesting day... and not necessarily in a good way. Where to begin? Okay, so I have a few things I need to say (the Mr. W sub guy story, the rabbit thing, and the tennis game). I think I'm actually going to post the sub story back at the original post later on, so I'll start, hm, at the beginning of my day.

I was rudely woken by a phone being jutted into my face, and I groggily spoke to Lisa for a little bit. I then got up, stumbled blindly into the shower, and then proceeded to get ready. I was doing the obligatory feeding of the animals, and it was just like any other day. I walked up to the rabbit cage outside, dumped the food in, and changed the water bottle. I thought it was odd that it was almost completely full, but I still changed it. It struck me as slightly odd that he wasn't hopping out to get his meager meal, so I absentmindedly opened the other side of the cage (the one he sleeps in; it's hidden) and .. oh dear, I really was going to continue, I really was, but I don't think I'm able. So I'll just end it with this: my rabbit is dead. I'll have that image in my brain for the rest of my life. I can't even think about it even now. And this, this image, is one that is really very meaningful. Finality. Over. I always knew this would happen, even soon. I wouldn't really say I was expecting it, but... It's just final. Done. Never ever going back. I am never going to say that "I have a rabbit named Oreo" anymore. I never even petted him goodbye. And, well, when I conjure up that image, I picture all living things, not just that one particular rabbit. This is really a morbid thought, but that image is, well, someday, me. And that kind of makes me cringe. But also, even more morbid, is the fact that, yes, I will, throughout my lifetime, see other things looking just like that. People, even. People that I know. And that is a thought that I personally cannot stomach. This lends itself rather nicely to something that I was thinking a little bit about yesterday. When people just talk of 'partying' or getting drunk or doing anything just really useless and stupid, they flippantly toy with their own life. I cannot really conceive of anything more serious than life or death. Death is really the most serious thing I can think of, because of the sheer finality of it. I don't honestly know what I will do when the time comes (times, really) that I will have to part with people.. forever. I have never actually lost anyone especially close to me; I mean, I have indeed been to funerals and have dealt with death. But never in a real, personal way. But every time that someone dies, it seems like the impact is more and more. For example, when I was, oh, in the upper grades of elementary, a woman from church died. I knew her, and would talk to her often, and she would always remark, "my, how big you are getting!" but then she got cancer. I made her a card and stood in the hospital room shivering for a few minutes while my mom talked quietly with the woman and her husband; she died the next morning. Then my great uncle Pete died a little over a year ago. He was very nice, and I would always eat spaghetti with him, and he gave me his favorite Cardinals hat, which I have always loved. Just recently, my other great uncle (other side) died. He would always talk in polish and we'd eat weird polish foods at his weird-smelling house, but I liked it there. Just really recently, a student at our school died. Now, this one I didn't really know, but it hits home because he was, well, our age. Younger. Now my rabbit. This one is different in that I really was his only real nurturer. We called him ours but in essence he was mine. Okay. Enough, enough, enough. My rabbit's life is over, just like this section of the post.

Anyway.... after being stunned into a silent bout, I realized that I was really running late for the tennis game. I sped to Lisa's and then we drove up. When we got there, there were only 2 other cars there, and for a second we thought, um, is this the right place? But then people started to show up. We warmed up for like a half hour and then proceeded to play. Bazak (sp??) and I played two people from the other school; we won 8-2. After that, I kind of sat around for the next hour and a half, at first waiting for Julie's game to finish, and then juggling tennis balls and talking with Julie. Oh yeah, and we ate donuts. Finally we were put back in, and this time I played doubles with Julie. We played the other team, and we won 8-5. People started to taper off, and then we helped put everything away. After a while, everyone was gone except me and Julie. We picked up the litter off the court, tidying up the place a little bit. We talked and lay down on the court for a little while, talked to Kels on the phone, and then I drove home, so tired I could barely think.

I was originally going to take a nap when I got home, but I used my better judgement and decided against it. So I just ate some cheese and crackers, read a bit of my book, and wasted time on the computer. I was sending something to Kelsey and it took about 10 eons to send. It finally did though.

Sigh. So now I sit here, sunburned (my arms kind of hurt!) and quite exhausted. I think what I'm going to do is take a shower (I'm still kind of all stinky), do a bit of homework, and then go to bed. A nap would probobly really mess me up (yes, Julie, you're right). I can tell that I'm going to be hurting tomorrow, from both the sunburn (yuck) and the sore, aching muscles. I actually did have a lot of fun at the match though. At the end it was ridiculously tiring though, especially since my arm muscles were like ripping. Well, at least it's over.

Hm. Today, though it's not over, was, I suppose anyway, an alright day. I'm not exactly happy, no. But, I mean, I'm alright with it. Cons: my rabbit's dead and I have an unpleasant image singed onto my brain forever, I have a mega-load of homework that I'm obviously not doing, and I'm sunburned. Pros: I actually made it to the tennis game, I won my two games and am actually improving on my serves and getting them over the net, and my family is currently out, in Albuquerque, which equates to peace and quiet here at my house so I'm really free to do whatever, whatever I want to. Freedom..

So. I sit here, eyelids drooping, hair messed up, aching and groaning, and writing a post. Well, I'm not anymore. Now it's over.

Dance pictures...

2007-03-16T23:15:00.000-06:00

Oh, I'm so, so tempted to put some pictures up here. SO tempted. That's what I'm doing now, is looking at all the pictures/movies. Dangit. I want to at least put something up here to commemorate this insanely ridiculous event. Hm. Here:

I don't think I'll get in too much trouble for this one... I rather like it, actually. Wait, no. I like the movies a lot. I might put one one here later...perhaps.

crazy day... absolutely crazy

2007-03-16T22:39:00.000-06:00

Okay okay okay. Lots of catch up work to do here. I know I owe everyone that amazing com sci sub story (the one about that really crappy picture of the confused guy), but that is going to have to wait, as I am about to conk out because of exhaustion. But first I must relate at least a bit of this day. English was kind of bland, really, for once. We presented our survival guide things and then worked on our works cited thing. I kind of just want this research paper to be done already... Precal was aight; Mrs. S. didn't do anything remarkably amusing today, not really. We get to do corrections since everyone pretty much failed that one part. And this is going to save me somewhat. Stats was just kind of chill. Sarah read my poem... I'd post it, but I'm afraid it's too personal. I'm actually quite happy with it. Who am I turning into? Some coffee-addict, sketchbook-clutching maniac who writes poetry while listening to classical music at 1:30 in the morning?? (this was last night, by the way). Apparently. But wait, it gets weirder. Where was I, anyway? Oh right. Stats.. Mr. P kind of just did problems and no one really paid attention. I kind of half attempted to at least look like I was... but to no avail. I ended up zoning out and scribbling a drawing of a bird on my crumpled piece of homework. Ah. Lunch. J and I were walking to Ms. B.'s room. We burst in and loudly belt a "Hey!"... but then we realize she's on the phone, so I grabbed my tennis close and sadly left. After meeting A in... A-wing.. we decided to go to yearbook. We chilled there for a while, and then it was actual yearbook class, where I and my fellow yearbookies were instructed by the wonderful members of film society on the proper techniques and workings of video cameras. I won't really use them at all, but hey.. After yearbook, I went with L to talk to Ms. H about this NHS project; apparently I'm going to make a poster for 'unique week' in April. Then we went to tennis, where I was convinced that I should just go for it, that I should play tomorrow. So, even though I don't have really the slightest clue what I'm doing, really, and I can't serve worth beans, I am going to play in the tournament tomorrow. It should prove quite an adventure. After tennis I went home for all but an hour, and then S picked us all up and we went to this ballroom dance thing (some dance to benefit ballroom club). At first it was sort of ridiculous, but then it got actually pretty interesting. I liked it. Some things were absolutely insane. Oh yeah, I got some great blackmail photos, guys.. heh heh heh. (Nice one of, um..). My personal favorite was the meringue ; it was quite enjoyable, especially done all fast, and then all slow-like. I also waltzed, cha-cha'ed , tangoed a bit, and of course, swing-danced. After that was all done and over, we traipsed to the cars and drove to... (yes, you guessed it!): Starbucks!! I got my obligatory white mocha. After we kind of got kicked out, we all walked over to the pond. We sat at the picnic table, played freeze tag (crazy), and lay on our backs and looked up at the stars. It felt just really crazy. After a long time, we finally got up, stood around on the sidewalk for a very very long time, and basically just chilled. At a little after 10 we left. Because we needed to get up early tomorrow (tennis)... And so what am I doing?? Sitting here, at 11, typing away. I need to be in bed! So that's where I'm headed. Wish me luck at my first tennis game ever. I hope it doesn't suck too bad; at least we get to sit around and watch more practiced players too...

yet another...

2007-03-15T15:04:00.000-06:00

me at tennis, which is where I'm going right now (bell just rang). Ha ha.

dance dance

2007-03-15T14:46:00.000-06:00

So I was listening to 'Dance Dance' just now (I'm in comp sci, by the way), and it inspired me to draw this. It's kind of crappy. I did it in like two seconds. But it is entitled 'dance dance.' Ha ha. This is kind of fun..

this image

2007-03-15T14:34:00.000-06:00

The above image has behind it a crazy, crazy story. It's really ridiculous. This is basically the crappiest drawing I've ever done, yet it has caused so much commotion. I will have to relate the story later on.

Ow

2007-03-14T21:49:00.000-06:00

So, my finger is bleeding. I just ripped off a hangnail, and it is quite painful. Truthfully, I'm kind of almost numb to the pain because I'm so tired.

Basically here's the run-down. I ended up going to bed at, well, about 3 last night, and this morning I could not get up. It was like I was incarcerated in my mountain of blankets; I knew I needed to get up, but I couldn't will myself to. I finally, finally mustered up the strength to open my eyelids and roll out of bed. It was close to 7:30... and school starts at 8:20. I need to leave my house at 8:00 at the very latest to make it to school on time. I had less than a half hour to get ready. And most of that time I was in the shower, in a comatose state, eyes closed.

It was 8:01 when I finally left, but I miraculously somehow parked, sprinted to English, and made it there before the bell. I ran in, breathless, chest heaving, eyes blood-shot from sleep deprivation and threw my stuff down. I said to Ms. B., still panting, "So basically I got like 4 hours of sleep last night... I'm kind of dead right now." I got a 'aww, poor Sherri' in return and we talked a little bit, but then the bell rang. We did the works cited page.. what fun. That's pretty much all we did today. Oh yes, and she checked note cards. I had 51 out of 50 notecards and 5 source cards out of 4. So that was good, that I managed to finish that last night. After English, I hung around, talked to her about keeping my tennis clothes in her room everyday, and also gave her the memoir that she wanted from me to give to Mrs. P. Oh, but then Brian came in and said, "hey, I really like the drawing taped to the door," and Ms. B. stood back and gestured towards me in a great sweeping motion. Well, then he came over and said, "Nice! High five," and we high-fived. It was kind of goofy.

Oh, but then I went to Precal. I honestly do not want to talk about this, let alone think about it, so I'm really not going to dwell on this class. Basically I got the worst grade ever on any test ever in my life. And, well, the sad thing is I'm not even exaggerating. I want to just camp out in Mrs. S.'s room and protest and bug the crap out of her until she gives us all extra credit. Either that or tie her up and ... well, never mind.

Stats was nothing special. I really don't have much to say about it except we took notes. And that I have a bunch of homework. J and S were passing notes. Well, I gotta say, I really dig taking notes in my sketchbook. It just feels so cool... plus I get to draw on the side.

At lunch we went to juggling, which was pretty cool except for two things: A) I didn't get any pizza because the guys are hogs and they devoured it all (3 boxes, guys? Come on!). B) I could not seem to get the hang of passing between two people. Kelsey and I were trying to get it to work the entire time. Darg, I say, darg!

In, erm, Yearbook, it was really different. It seriously feels like a different atmosphere entirely now. I'm serious; I can't even remember yearbook before. So basically it's looking like the DVD is going to be pretty manageable. I'm the only solo section editor though; but that's okay, it'll be fun. I like my job... and the fact that I have to approve people's 'plans.'

After school I went to tennis again. We drove over, changed at the college, and went over. Everyone was already in a circle. Mrs. W. or whatever actually turned out to be okay; I rather like her. She's so cute, with her little British accent. We did slightly different warm ups/ drills today. Then we worked on returns, then serves, and then we played an actual game. Our team (Amy and I) lost royally, but that's okay. At least now I grasp the concept and the rules involved (at least for the most part). And I actually got some good hits in today.

Dying of thirst, I sped to the library, where I got some water and 'worked' (if by work I mean flipped out my stats, did one problem, then found a book about juggling and looked at that for 40 minutes). Then I drove to the lenten church service/ soup supper thing. I had a bunch of potato soup; it was mighty fine. Then drove home. My sister was being a complete imbusil and then she got mad and proceeded to slap me. And I'm talking full-blown slap, too. Not pansy little "I'm just joking around" kind of slap. She really let me have it. It left a mark. And I was very mad.

Okay, so now I think I really need some actual sleep... I just ate this really weird pop-tart and imed Julie for a while.

My bed... my nice, warm, fluffy, heavenly bed... it's calling me..

My finger stopped bleeding, by the way.

zombified

2007-03-14T00:26:00.000-06:00

Ah, now that it is, um, Wednesday, I finally finished my English. I have some pretty darn good notes, if I do say so myself. It actually shouldn't have been that hard; I don't know what my problem was.

My problem currently is a question I am deliberating over: To do my math homework, or not to do my math homework?- that is, I say with a half smile and a yawn, the question. Grumble mumble. I honestly don't know if I will end up doing it or not. I will try. Some quote is coming to me now, though, strangely enough. It's from one of the Star Wars.. Yoda says something to the effect of, "Do or do not. There is no try." Gosh. I'm a freak.

So right now I'm in one of my comatose states, as I oft tend to do in the pitch black of the night. I feel kind of like a zombie. My dad is in CA right now, and everyone else in my house is completely zonked out. If I wanted to, therefore, I could, well, leave or something. They'll just think I went to school early. I don't think I will do that, but just a thought. Or I could watch Back to the Future, which is sitting here on my desk, looking up at me imploringly saying, "Please watch me. Watch me." I don't think I will, sorry. Soon.. soon.

So, in other news, I have almost mastered one-handed juggling. I have been able to juggle for a while now, and have, I sheepishly admit, been a member of juggling club this year. But I haven't actually been able to juggle two balls in just one hand before.

Oh yes, one more thing. I finally google-earthed the distance of our running path (original one) and it is only 1.6 miles. (I thought it was 2).

Ah well. I'm so zombied... I really think I'm going to need a 'pick-me-up' Grande (maybe Venti?) White Mocha tomorrow... which equates to me getting up a smidge earlier. Groannnn. I heart coffee but loathe getting up early for it. I want to, though. After all, it's not that much earlier.

Oh yes, (last thing, I promise) that reminds me. Ms. B. put up, on her door, one of the drawings (well, collection of drawings; it's not just one person) I gave to her. ("Students' reactions to the words 'Research Paper.' " I like it, anyway..) So people should check it out..!

Alright. Well, I'm about to keel over. I had better stagger over to my stats book, peel it open to some page and start scribbling nonsense into my striped notebook. Isn't homework the best thing ever??

Aaaah- Cannot concentrate!!

2007-03-13T20:29:00.000-06:00

There is definitely something wrong with me.. I cannot seem to concentrate at all! Maybe it's the 2 big bowls of mint chocolate ice cream I ate for dinner, but I just cannot do it. Instead of working on homework, I just get distracted. I'm listening to Pandora again, and maybe that's part of the problem. I'm also just reading different things on the internet. And I was screwing with my blog colors (I kept hitting the shuffle colors button). So, there we go. I'M GOING TO GO WORK NOW!! Gah!

Tennis

2007-03-13T19:17:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I last posted in Comp Sci, then I met Lisa in E-wing and went to tennis. So, here goes: It was insanely hot from the minute we walked up. There was a dog there, some lady's dog. I met the coach, Cindy. Not Coach Cindy, just "Cindy." She is a pretty cool lady; she's very peppy and happy and very into tennis. We just kind of hung out and waited for everyone else to show up, then we got in a circle for Cindy to introduce everyone to our sub coach (Cindy is going to Fl? I think for 2 weeks, and so we need a sub). So everyone said their names and then we did something that almost made me want to just laugh at the absurdity of it all. Here's what we did: We all followed Cindy and ran around one tennis court (not the entire fenced in area- no. ONE court) ..3 times I think. And that was our warm up 'run.' It took like, less than a minute. It seemed much less, actually. I mean, a warm up run in XC is, well, like 7 minutes or something. It was just crazy. Then we did these weird drills. And then Cindy was teaching us 'Austrailian' or something. It's basically nifty hand signals that tell your partner what you're going to do (which side of the court you're going to cover, like, if you'll stay on that side or switch to the other side). Julie runs up in the middle of it. And then we 'beginners' work on lobs and overhands. Lobs are alright. Most of the time though, I was doing overhands, which I'm actually not very good at. Something cool happened, though. Elise hit the ball to me, and I hit it back with a tremendous amount of power. I was kind of perplexed, though, and looking around thinking, 'where'd it go?' But then I realized when everyone was laughing that the ball had actually gotten stuck in the racket! I thought it was amusing anyway... For the remainder of the time, we practiced serving and returning. At first, serving was horrible, but then I managed to actually do it. See, in PE freshman year, I think it was, I couldn't even manage to get it over the net most of the time. Well, I quickly grasped that, but I could not for the life of me get it in the diagonal square. I did, though, but then it was time to rotate and for the longest time I just returned (or attempted) balls that were served to me. Anyway, then it was time to clean up the balls for the varsity girls to play. That little black cage that picks up the balls is basically the coolest thing evah, I just want to throw that out there.

So, yes, I like tennis. And I'm glad I can do it, considering my parents weren't/ aren't exactly thrilled with my grades and whatnot. It's very stress-relieving.

And NOW I will stop stalling and do my English research and math(s).

The definition of 'exhaustion'

2007-03-13T14:46:00.000-06:00

Most likely how I will look tonight, while working on my homework. It is the bane of my existance...

am i insane?

2007-03-13T13:42:00.000-06:00

I'm in comp sci right now, and Mr. Y is walking around catching up on grading stuff. And I am eating a ham sandwich and wasting time on the computer. Okay, I finished (the sandwich, not the blogging, obviously). So today I woke up surprisingly like a normal person, that is, I heard the alarm, got up, and shut it off (instead of tackling my alarm clock and somehow shoving it in my backpack, as has happened before, I think). I did not indeed have coffee at all today; I think every single day, though desirable, probobly isn't the greatest thing ever for me. So instead I had actual substantial breakfast... if you call frootloops substantial... I drove to school, walked to English, and as soon as I walked in the door and set my stuff down at my desk right by hers, I said, "Oh. Crap." And she looked up at me from her computer and grinned, and I strode out of the room saying that I didn't get The Lord of the Flies like I was supposed to. Just my luck- the fookin' book depository was closed until 9:30 today. So, being the ingenious and crafy lady that I am, I went to the IMC. Kelly and I got the last copies. It was pretty sweet though; see, you're supposed to have an ID when you check out a book, but since the librarian knows me (from student aide, I guesss) she said, "oh, I know you, it's okay." So I didn't have to run back to Ms. B's room to get my ID. In class, we were put in groups and we had to do this little creative project. Basically it's making a survival booklet (it's a little intro assignment to Lord of the Flies..). And, well, I really tend not to like it when I'm in a group with all guys. I really have nothing against all guys; some are quite nice. Now, I don't want to make any generalizations here, so I had better watch my mouth... or fingers, as the case may be.. Anyway, the point is that I was put in a group with 3 gentlemen that are... well, kind of disgusting. At least they worked, though. We ended up being a good group. I did all the drawings, and even drew a little map, and they mostly wrote the instructions. A lot of what they wrote is kind of demented and some parts are obscure... but it's all cool. It's sort of funny..,you know, if you tilt your head and squint. Well, then after that escapade I went to my doom, I mean bio. Well, no. I'm exaggerating here. The test wasn't that horrible. The matching was the very worst part. Now I'm eating frootloops (dry); we had to do an assignment for a while but I'm back now. So after bio I went to S.A. where I made this poster for her and then she left to go meet Ms. N somewhere about something. I kinda chilled out and ate some of my lunch and drew in my sketchbook, and then when she came back, she had about a zillion things for me to copy. I took them with a smile that probobly looked a bit like a grimace, and then headed for the IMC. Okay, this parts kind of stupid. I normally don't give up on jobs, but there were 4 people waiting at the table and I was told to go back. I walked back to her room and Alice tagged along with me. I thought she was going to leave when we got back to the room, but no, she came in with me. Ms. B. gave us a funny look and I said, there were already 4 people there. Ms. B. said that she was sorry and that I should just go wait. Meanwhile Alice was waving all goofy at this teacher she doesn't even know. I went back to the IMC and waited... and waited. When it was my turn, I was a complete idiot and didn't remember how to staple with the copier. So I spent a million billion hours stapling all the packets by hand, and I was still working away 20 minutes into lunch when Kelsey came. Together we finished. Near the end, Mrs. W. came up to me and said, "Do you want me to show you how to use the stapler?" It was completely humiliating, but I finally finallllly got it done and we proceeded back to Ms. B.'s room. She was very happy and K, J, and I all sat around. They left, and then I talked to Ms. B. a bit more while I ate my yogurt with her spoon. Luckily I remembered all my junk that I left in her room this morning... Well, now there's only a half hour left, and then I go to tennis. It's so weird. I don't know what to expect, so I'm just going today with an open mind. Well, we'll see how this goes, huh? I have stats and precal and still lots of English research to do yet.. and all of it's due tomorrow. Yikes. So. Plan: 1/2 hour here, go to tennis 'til 5ish, take L home, get home and watch my brother, plant him in front of a movie so I can work like crazy and hope I finish before I conk out due to exhaustion. And maybe eat some ice cream on the side.

There. See an exciting day in the life of me. Sometimes I wonder.. am I crazy? The whole running (literally) around before school trying to locate a copy of a book, bombing the matching part of the bio, making a million copies of a million packets and not even doing them right, always stealing Ms. B.'s spoons, scarfing my lunch in comp sci, and now going to join a sport that I've never even played (again, I probobly shouldn't be admitting that...)?

insane

A few spoutings

2007-03-12T22:11:00.000-06:00

I'm really quite bored of studying bio (though I should probably really be attempting to cram all that knowledge into my tiny, incapable brain), so I thought that I would come here and give a smattering of random thoughts. I shall type them as they come to me. Ahemm, let's see.. Well, first of all, blisters are very annoying. I have two, both on my left foot, and they are painful, especially the one on my big toe. They are, I presume, from wearing fancy shoes for hours and hours and hours at that Kiwanis Auction this weekend. Next off, I desperately wish I had a scanner. If I had a scanner, I would be able to scan in drawings from my sketchbook, and that is something that I really really would like to be able to do. Really. My parents actually do have a scanner, but there are problems that arise.. First of all, it's complete trash; it really is not a very good scanner. The HP scanners at school seem much more competent. Sigh. Alright, let's see.. also, I wish I had some sort of device to kind of pause time, so that I could study all I need to (which is, I feebly admit, a lot. I need to at least read the flippin' chapter..) and also get sleep. It would be amazing to freeze time. Time is perhaps the single most intriguing concept, at least to me. I could go on and on, but I should not bore the reader. Another random thought, my pants, the ones I am wearing right now, are severely ripped. They are ripping more and more with each wear. I love these jeans; they're basically my favorite article of clothing.. alas they are not invincible miracle pants, which means they are really starting to deteriorate. And it saddens me. What to do, what to do? Should I keep wearing them as often as always, or should I start wearing them more rarely, wisely, sparingly, saving all that precious wear? I will most likely end up doing the former. More spoutings... let's see.. Here's an interesting note, though many (all?) will not find it interesting, as you are not me. What I mean is this: My little brother, I have only recently realized, is really growing. Profound statement, eh? I'm serious, though. He's not the baby he once was; I mean, he understands a lot now. It seems as if one second he was the gurgling drooly blob of pink flesh in a diaper, and I blinked and now he is this intelligent, bright blue-eyed tallish human. It's amazing how he's developing intellectually. He says the alphabet (almost, anyway) and randomly counts. Here's an example: I was outside in the sandbox with him, and we hear these birds in the sky making, you know, birdish sounds. I say to him, "Hey, what are the birds doing?" And he looks up and kind of shrugs and says, "Well, the birds are flocking." Flocking??? How does he even know that word? I'm just kind of shocked at how different this kid is getting. I like it, don't get me wrong.

Lugubrious

2007-03-12T17:01:00.000-06:00

I'm not going to say that today was necessarily "lugubrious," I just really like that word. I felt a tad lugubrious at key points today... but at other points things were totally fine. I did some pretty weird things in the morning in my sleep apparantly, because I found my alarm clock in my backpack. Now tell me.. how does this happen?? I haven't the faintest idea, but I do remember holding my alarm clock with me in my bed and then shutting it off.

Anyway... I went to school, resisting the call of Starbucks (a. I was broke and b. I was already kind of late-ish). I talked to Ms. B. a little bit. It's kind of cool, but I feel a bit, well, odd just walking in, saying "hey" with a slight wave, and she smiles and starts, "So how was your weekend, Miss Sherri?" I mean, I like it, yes, but I feel kind of, I suppose guilty would be the word to describe it, but it's not exactly that. Like, when other students from my class file in and say hi, she smiles at them or says hello distractedly. I guess it would be just better if no one else were in the room. I mean, I feel completely fine just talking, blah blah blah, with her, conversing about whatever, during student aide. It's just a bit weird when I'm sitting in class talking with her, when I should be doing work. Well, whatever. She doesn't care, even gives me excuses to not do work (talks to me, hands me papers to hand out). I ended up actually a lot done, surprisingly. I think it's something about the IMC; I just find it extremely hard to do research in there. I much prefer sitting at my familiar, friendly desk in the front of Ms. B.'s classroom..

Oh yeah, one thing I should mention I suppose, is the death of a student at our school. I always feel very weird when I get news like that, and my imagination for some reason just reels. I imagined, though I don't know why, if it were the principal announcing some other death, like a friend's or even my own. I wondered if people in the class would be reacting differently...or if Ms. B. would be really sad. I mean, that would be the weirdest, most awful thing, to have one of your friends die. Such a short life. I mean, teenagers tend to feel invincible, 'something like this could never happen to me or affect my life' kind of deal. The reality is that, well, we really don't know when we could die. (And, yes, I realize I should not joke about the matter). Anyway, I wish his family the best and all...

Precal was alright, I suppose, especially because Mrs. S. decided to be really amusing today again. This time it wasn't about her sucking her teeth or tongue or whatever she does; it was about 2 things. So first, I dropped my black pencil. She picks it up, studies it for an eternity, looks sort of bemused and says, "hey, did anyone lose a pencil?" I say, "Oh. yeah, that's mine..", reaching out my hand for it, expecting her to just give it to me and we would both move on in our mundane lives. But no, she decides to spice things up and doesn't hand it to me. Instead she says, "Are you sure ya want this? Merbine Black Warrior?" I'm slightly confused for a second, and then take the pencil from her and realize that 'Merbine Black Warrior' is written on it. And then she walked away and laughed. It was slightly insane. It's really not that great of a story, but hey, it's some excitement. A few minutes later when everyone was silent, working on homework, she suddenly blurts, "Has anyone here seen the movie Norbert?" And no one even looks up or makes any sort of indication that they heard her. Silence... silence.. and then she says, a bit quieter and less emphatic, "Well, I heard it wasn't a good movie, anyway..." She faded off, and still no one said anything at all. It was just a weird experience; I know Julie and I took great pleasure in the strangeness of it all.

Stats was amazing amazing. Not the 'all we have to do is goof around' kind of amazing, nor the 'no homework' kind of amazing. It was the 'I just got a miracle handed to me' kind of amazing. I thought I really didn't do all that hot on the test that we took just last time, but I was apparently wrong, as I just got the highest score I think I've gotten in that class on a test ever. Certainly this semester... So, that was a good thing. And then we took notes (I decided to take them in my sketchbook, because I already had it open, showing people some drawings...{of Ms. B's boyfriend, but let's not go there..}). I drew, well, right on top of my notes, sorta, a picture of Mr. P. It doesn't look terribly like him, but it doesn't look terrible either. I rather like it... I showed it to him, and he said it was "silly," but that it was a good drawing though.

At lunch we really did nothing for once... for once we went to Sarah's mom's room and just kind of ate. We attempted to go outside, but the doors would just lock behind us, so we stayed in.. and talked about tennis. Particularly, we talked about my joining tennis, which it looks like I'm going to do. I'm actually pretty happy; I do indeed like being in a sport. There's just a slight problem... that is, I don't actually know how to swing a racket or even know the rules (probobly something I shouldn't be admitting to, but..). I will learn, though, I will learn. And from what J and L say, Cindy is very nice. So that was lunch.

In yearbook, hm. Well, it didn't really feel like yearbook. Now that the yearbook is done, our partner/group things have dissipated, and things generally feel out of wack. I myself felt rather useless, and out of place, kind of. I, for the majority of the time, actually, helped Becky with the t-shirt design. I know that it was just brainstorming, that we weren’t actually doing anything concrete here, but I’m not quite sure she really understands the ramifications of getting excited about one particular design, and actually already designing it (which she is). I’m worried she won’t like change. But really, all of staff should have input. I mean, I have my own idea… which she stated simply as “nice idea, but it’s too expensive.” Well. So now it’s time to really focus on next year, and basically I’m ‘lugubrious’ at the fact that I cannot be editor because of the whole free-period thing. I don’t know.. I just feel kind of like I should, but can’t. Oh well. It’s done. It’s over. But, like I stated in my little assignment due today, I really really want to help, and I plan on helping out all I can.

So then I drove home, with Kelsey. That was a tad lugubrious, too. Well, not really, just weird. And now I’m home, and I have a very bad headache. I’m trying to find that stupid little CD for bio, so I can study, but I can’t. I hate it how I get headaches; it drives me insane. I guess I’m just going to go read the bio chapter. My house is never, ever quiet though, I just want to add that in there. My brother is running around in his superman underwear and yelling, my mom is bickering and pleading saying, “someone watch him,” and my sister is banging away on the piano, like always. That’s a classic scene at my house. And I go, ‘typetypetypetypetype’ on my computer.

N.A.P. (not again, please...!)

2007-03-11T22:11:00.000-06:00

Darg! No no no! Alright, so basically I just got up. I was taking a much-needed nap, apparently. I did it again… that is, I left my contacts in (and, you know, it’s not really the best thing..). I've been doing this lately. I really need to stop it. So now what?? I missed everything by just conking out. I slept on and on and on and on... And now I’m wide-awake. Well, sort of… I guess I’ll just have to catch up with everyone tomorrow. I feel really bad about it, but I needed sleep. I didn’t even mean to take a nap (obviously, eh, since I woke up shocked and annoyed with myself that I had left my contacts in). Luckily, I got my yearbook thing done. Oh yeah, and right now I’m very, very cold. Crap Crap Crap. I really screwed up my whole sleeping schedule now, with my staying up late watching movies and staying up late at the Kiwanis Auction. (Yay we made lots of money for Key Club). Not to mention the whole daylight savings thing. I remembered it, thankfully, because I was actually up at 2 am when the time did change. I don’t know what possesses me to stay up till wee hours of the night just wasting time on the computer. But I do. Oh, I do. I don’t know what’s going to happen now, but I guess I should try to go back to bed, even though that’s where I just came from. Hooo. Okay. It’ll all be chill. Tomorrow I’m going to go in to English and talk to Ms. B (dare I talk about the purple binder?) and do research. And then the maths (which I completely completely did, thank you). And thenn yearbook, where I will turn in my honkin’ assignment and work on stuff, though I don’t yet know what. Wow, I’m really cold. I guess I’m going to go.

this now

2007-03-10T14:14:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but I feel like I haven't posted in an eternity. It honestly has felt like an eternity from when I last really posted (aside from the quick, nothingness post at Kelsey's). Wow. It's insane. So, basically, I've kind of changed. Not drastically, no, but I admit to a slight difference now. Just slight.. and I can't really put my finger on it.
I suppose I should do some sort of, um, catching up/ filling in sort of deal here. Basically these past few days... or rather..Thursday night and all of Friday and I suppose a bit of today, have been, well, just really weird. They have been the epitome of the whole teenager struggle. Are these years the best years of our lives? Or are they the worst? Back and forth back and forth.. I won't go into detail, but I'll relate a bit of the 'back-and-forth-ness' here.

One second I'm totally free, an independent person, completely in control of myself. I'm a marionette that has been cut at the strings. Though literally held to earth by gravity, I am above it all. I feel like nothing is constraining me; now I can fly. I'm me. I’m free.

The next I'm a 3 year old, completely incapable of anything. I have no power, no being. I have nowhere to look but up, because I’m so small and insignificant. I cannot look anywhere, do anything; I am completely immobilized… Incarcerated.

Back and forth… back and forth.

So, Thursday. I hung out with my friends after school; we watched a movie (Crossing the Bridge) and ate popcorn. After it was over, we went to Coffee Booth, where I immersed myself in my mocha and the conversation, really not caring about anything. It was a simple outing, a group of people hanging out watching a movie and then going to a coffee shop some Thursday night, but it meant something. It meant not worrying, it meant I was just a normal (let’s not go into the definition of normal right now..) teenager. Anyways, we were ushered out at closing time, and I then proceeded to the library. It’s odd—I never usually go in there, but for the second day in a row I found myself meandering around the shelves and shelves of books. I somehow found myself next to photography and art history; I shrugged- this was agreeable. I attempted to do homework (and actually got some done), but then glanced at my watch.. time to go to the concert. It was a concert by Old Man Shattered, a Christian band, apparently. Well, no. Actually not apparently. I would have actually not known they were had I not been informed of that. I mean, the lead singer looks, well, there’s really only one word to describe him: emo. He has longish black hair (obviously dyed) and also several tattoos on his skin-and-bones arms. K, so I called my friend whom I was meeting, and he said to meet him at Starbucks. And that was certainly alright with me… I, while waiting, bought my favorite beverage ever. Yep, you guessed it, a Grande White Mocha. I sort of bought it on impulse, and started greedily gulping it down without thinking. So my friend lopes up closely followed by two very unique-looking people, a girl and a guy.

Okay, I just realized this is boring me. Let’s cut to the chase. Enough describing unimportant details. Basically I went to the concert; there were a surprising amount of people there. And it was surprisingly loud. As well as surprisingly dangerous… I also felt surprisingly at ease. I felt at ease in the essentially mosh-pit-esque atmosphere. Sweet, sweet coffee churning in my belly, deafening music piercing my brain, sweat trickling down my face as well as all the others in the room. As I jumped and waved my hands and rammed into body after body, I rather felt I was a completely different person.. or maybe that I was completely myself. In any case, the details of this whole situation were not important; it was just the whole feeling that was. The ‘I’m completely unconfined feeling.’ And, really, it was amazing. Almost as amazing as I felt speeding home, averaging, oh.. 70? And windows down and music up up up. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt less stressed ever before. Maybe it was the ridiculous amounts of caffeine surging through my body, but I felt as if I were shining as bright as the billions upon billions of stars above me in the chilly air. I absentmindedly tapped my fingers upon the wheel and turned the music even louder.

But then… Friday. I now know why we don’t have Friday’s off… so that everyone stays sane. I really do not feel like going into details, but basically I was at the hospital for a while with my mother, brother, and sister. My brother has yet another ear infection and must inevitably undergo surgery. My mom was not in a good mood for whatever reason. I got home. I went running. Kels and I came back. I talked to my parents on the phone multiple times and grew very upset at rules that I, as of yet, do not understand. I got fed up and hung up. I broke the phone. Completely helpless and defeated, as well as slightly emotionally unstable, I drove to Kelsey’s. There we watched Mon Oncle. It is absolutely the craziest movie I have ever seen. We popped in the DVD, hopped onto the waterbed, and 2 hours later I was much different from the berated, beat-up girl I was on the phone at my house. All I can say is French slapstick is certainly very beneficial sometimes. I want to grow up to be a mix of, well, many different people (me now, CS, J-Scott and J-Borg, as well as other great cartoonists, my aunt Lina, my Opa, Ms. B, and now, the uncle from Mon Oncle. Also other people, but…). Anyway, then we ate quesadillas, chilled a bit, and I went home, a calmer but different person. A person with resolve. A resolve to not freak out and over-react at stupid (yes, stupid) rules. I may not agree with a lot of what my parents do, nor understand yet why they do some things, but I resolved to act like a civilized human being.

And surprisingly, from yesterday, new things have stemmed from all of this. I came home and had a conversation with my dad, person to person. Well, it really was father to daughter, but we both made an effort to listen. And we heard each other. We both won’t budge (we are, after all, very, very different people)… but we both listened.

I guess I’m just going to have to take the back and forth. I mean, what else can I do but keep on living my life? After a surprisingly short time, these years will be behind, far behind. They will exist only as faint whisps of memory, sketches. And when they are past, will I be sad or happy? Who knows? At times, I’m sure, I will feel quite happy… but then again, I will, I’m sure, miss these years, miss what I cannot ever grasp again—the whole teenager thing.

Sigh. Enough of this. “I grow old… I grow old.” – Eliot. I’m just going to live, live in the present, the only thing really real. Now. Ha. I was just jolted with a very strange reminiscent memory of sitting in art class in 5th or 6th grade, and we were having a very philosophical conversation about time, about how ‘now’ is never really attainable, because ‘now’ is always changing. Hm. Well, back to my thought: I will simply be. In the present. I’ll drink white mochas, I’ll speed, I’ll hang out with friends, I’ll pour over dusty, ponderous books, I’ll put graphite to the crisp white paper of my sketchbook, I’ll chill with my bro, I’ll cry, and I’ll smile.

“I grow old… I grow old.” – Eliot.

at kelsey's

2007-03-09T21:34:00.000-07:00

So, I'm at Kelsey's. Today has been pretty interesting, but it's okay now. I can't really type right now though. My tongue was burnt before, but now it's finally feeling better.

Purple Past............,.

2007-03-08T14:45:00.000-07:00

Man, I think that if I could be doing anything, I would be sipping a Grande White Mocha and reading a book. Throughout one's life, the definition of happiness changes. I mean, you know... like, when I was 7, I probobly would not define happiness as driving very fast all alone in the dark with the music cranked up very loud, or sitting in Ms. B's room, just sitting there, alone with my coffee and book, drinking in both the coffee and the words. Yep. When I was 7, I most likely would define happiness as, I dunno, going somewhere with my family and eating pizza. I don't know, actually... And I will actually never know, because that person is completely utterly inattainable. She has simply ceased to exist. So, I was reading a packet on time, actually, and it was quite interesting. Is the past real? More intriguing, is the future real? Some theorize that only the present is real, and from that stems all sorts of implications. As for me, well, I really don't know... it seems to me that the past is a very very interesting thing. Sometimes we wish it never to have happened; sometimes we wish to travel back to it, to either veiw past events or to change them, which becomes even more confusing.. it gets all mottled, cause and effect. Hm, well, anyway.. just a few ramblings on that. But, in a weird way related to time/past, I found a very powerful and important.. object today in Ms. B's room. I was actually absentmindedly cleaning/tidying up, as I really had nothing better to do. She had to go to a meeting (which she rather loathed going to, because she still feels like crap) and she said I could do basically whatever. And so, I put the desks back into rows, thumbed through a few things on her desk, skimmed through some neat photography books she has, and then proceeded to aimlessly meander around the room, finally ending up near the back bookshelfs. I figured I'd do some sort of spring cleaning, at least a bit, but I got distracted by a dusty, purple binder. I grabbed it instinctively, expecting it to be some crappy old student's binder thoughtlessly thrown on the bottom shelf under the dictionaries. Turns out I was quite wrong... I won't reveal all that was contained in this bursting binder, but it turns out a lot of stuff was in it, a lot of writing, a lot of handouts... and all these papers jolted my heart, made me start to sweat. At one point, when reading a letter from a sophomore (a sophomore in 2001, that is, in VA) my hands even began to shake. I was quite jumpy... and I felt pretty guilty about looking at it.. I knew I really shouldn't. I should have simply thrown the old thing back to the shaddowy shelf where it had apparantly lain undisturbed since she came in August, I presume. Anyway, the point is, I did in fact look at it, no, I did more than that, I delved into it. It was kind of like a carwreck, it's so shocking you want to look away but at the same time your eyes are glued and you're compelled to keep going. Well, I never actually understood the carwreck analogy myself, but I decided to use it. It was, in fact, much more compelling than a carwreck. The contents of the purple binder did not actually frighten me; I knew all of this previously. But they just kind of woke me up to reality. The reminded me that, well, this enigmatic woman is a person, a very real person, with a history and a past. A very, very interesting and woven and intricate past. So. Past. I, especially while looking at that letter (probobly the worst thing that I did, was reading that..), grew jelous of this past student. I don't even remember her name. I wouldn't have ever known about this obscure distant person. That person isn't real to me, I've never known her or met her... but Ms. B. has. I.. I dunno, really. I have more to say, but I cannot really phrase it. Besides, the bell just rang and now I am going to go watch a movie about the music scene in Istanbul. Woot.

Okay, I lied... today was a better day!

2007-03-07T20:41:00.000-07:00

So, to kind of pick up on my last post. I ended my last post abruptly because of some shocking but very pleasing news that was thrown at us by Ms. S. I guess now that she told everyone, that it's alright to say, but I rather like possessing secrets. Well, not secrets necessarily, but just information that I did not have earlier but I now have acquired. So, I think I'm going to use my awesome power to withhold this oh-so-amazing-but-not-really information from everyone.

Ahem. Now that that's done ('that' meaning meaningless garble-de-gook), I'll launch into my amazing after school escapades. So, in yearbook (to just finish up a bit)we worked on some assignment, basically an evaluation/how can we do better thing. I wanted mine to be good, so I kind of slacked off in class, knowing that I'd do a better job at home when I could focus. Ever get that feeling, like you can't work in a crowded computer-lab and that you'd rather do that in the comfort of your own home?

After school, Kels and I went to Starbucks on a whim and we saw Simone and her sister there. I made Kels order something, because I'd feel weird with just me getting something again. So, I got an iced white mocha (tall, thank you very much) and she had chai. So, for quite a while, we just sat at the eensy table chatting with Cosette, who, by the end, thought we were both more than slightly insane. What with the straws and the tennis-ball in the tree (no joke, look outside of the window in Starbucks and there's a green orb just stuck in the branches; it looks kind of unnatural. I don't actually think it's a tennis-ball, but..)and everyone giving us weird looks... We finally decided to get out of that place before we got in trouble or something, and we went to the library. I picked out a few books, (Milagro Beanfield War and um, Where the Heart Is ? I think that was it) and then we gallivanted down to the 1st floor and browsed movies and then went up again. Oh yeah, we bugged Katie, too. After a while, we checked all the stuff out and left. Well, she left, and I got my backpack and went back inside. I made my way back to the quietest, most lonely corner and plopped my stuff down at a mighty fine desk. It was amazing, the stillness of it all. It was as if I was alone, all alone, with nothing but tons and tons of books (biographies) around me. So, I sat down to do precal, but then realized I didn't have the assignment, and had really no way of obtaining it, so I resolved to rummage around for my sketchbook instead. But then I had an idea, a biography about Clinton caught my eye, and that's when it hit me that, hey, I was in the biography section. And so I sprang up and found a book about T.S. Eliot. And so I read that. And everything was wonderful.

better day... Well, no, not really

2007-03-07T13:49:00.000-07:00

I'm in yearbook again, and we're finishing Princess Bride. Well, I'm changing my desktop and drawing and stuff, but hey. Well, Ms. B is back, but she's really not well. She's got the flu now, apparantly. I'm happy she's back at school, ya know, but I wish she actually felt better... Okay, so I woke up quite late, rolled out of bed and into the shower, and ran out (forgetting a lunch, by the way, but..). I got to school and went into precal for a bit with P and J, but then decided I really couldn't be doing much good in that vile room, so I left. And I went to Ms. B's room, where I was pleasantly surprised to see her sitting at her desk, pale and sick, but still there. Forgetting that everyone was in the classroom, I enthusiastically jumped up and went to her desk to show her some stuff that I drew. I think that's one thing that I really like about her, her enthusiastic praise. Anyway, we talked for a while and then class started and we went to the IMC to keep working on our research stuff. I actually got a lot done today! A miracle! Well, to say the least, I was very happy to see Ms. B. back. But then...

Sudden death. As if a viper struck. That's right: precal. The test basically sucked the life and soul out of me. The first part, the calculator part, was basically the easiest thing we've ever done. The next part? Ha, no. I will not go into any of the gory details, but it basically ripped my brain to shreds.

Stats was actually a gracious, merciful gift: We got to use our outlines on the test. I'm sooo extremely happy that I remembered to do it... So, the test was very nice. We had tons of time after, so I slipped out nonchalantly, quietly closing the door behind me. I originally planned to just get a drink, but then I decided, hey, why not, I'll go to the bathroom too. I ran in, and woah! I almost ran right into Ms. B., which was just kind of weird. Then I helped her with the display case in A wing.... and I never actually went back to statistics... but ey.

At lunch we went to FS, and now I gotta go cuz Ms. S is talking. AAJJ!! she just told us..

Well, bored, I guess

2007-03-06T14:25:00.000-07:00

Yep, I'm in comp sci. Finished the piddly little assignment and now I'm just chilling, and eating thin mints. So, I ran up here after bio at lunch [interesting note: MR. T IS TEACHING AP BIO NEXT YEAR!! I seriously am considering switching things up to do that... I mean, my reasoning (though it's probobly not the best possible reasoning..) for not taking AP bio was the teacher... but now she's gone! Mwahahaha!] Anyway, I ran up here, stole some cookies from D and then listened to Mr. Y. Now we're going back in...

Unpleasantries

2007-03-06T12:13:00.000-07:00

Gah! It seems like an eternity that I've been in here already... I don't know why, exactly. Let me back up. So, today is a very, very sad day; everyone pause for a breif moment of silence. Okay, better. Well, Ms. B. is not here- indeed, she is very sick at home. Allergies can be pretty bad for some people- that's what she has, Juniper allergies. And yes, she's right, they are ugly. So today is a most morose and lugubrious day. Before school I waited a bit outside her darkened, locked room, vainly hoping that she just had car trouble or something. But no. The sub walked up and cheerfully greeted her and I forced my face into what I hoped was a pleasant smile. I made a mistake, though, a few minutes later. I was talking to a friend and was voicing my opinions about Ms. B.'s absense.. and I said, jokingly of course, that I could cry, that today was going to be horrible. The sub apparantly heard me, and I smiled and profusely explained that, no, it wasn't her presence that was bugging me, it was another's absence. Then, quite coincidentally, she was reading the sheet left for her and said, "is anyone here Sherri?", at which point my ears perked up and I said "yes, yes, yes" (I really only said it once, but hey). She asked if I could please copy some worksheet for humanities and I shrugged and complied... but it turns out it was the wrong thing, so then I had to go back and do it right... Went to bio, nothing exciting but that quiz (which I did stupendously awesome on, by the way). After bio, I walked, like always to my favorite classroom ever, and alas, the door was locked. No no no! This door.. I never find it locked. Like, never. Except today. I chilled there a bit, got bored, bugged J in Mr. B's room, went back... still no one. That's chill, I thought, and just stood there for I don't know how long looking at the pictures in her name by the door (not like I haven't ever looked at it before...). After, oh, a half-hour of me just kind of standing there while people walk by asking if I'm alright (Seriously! First the cop, then the nurse, then my advisor, of all people... I mean, all they could see was me looking upset, staring at the concrete wall...), I went to the office. I bugged them for a while, asking for the key to the display case that I was supposed to be filling with projects. What ended up happening is the lady I was supposed to locate offered to give me the key, but I had no way of getting into the room to actually get the projects, so... I left. And came here. And now it is ALMOST time to go. I could have been doing anything at all, really, but no, instead I chose to fiddle around on the computer for a bit, and draw in my sketchbook. I'm actually pretty pleased with what I did... After I while I resolved to go back on the computer, and only then did I think of posting... so I did. Oh woeful day... please go away... Alright, I'm really not THAT upset, as upset as people are thinking today. It's actually slightly amusing. Well, as woeful as today is, tomorrow will be about 8,467 times worse: back-to-back killer math tests. Uh, ouch. Well, today I don't think I'm going to run, and I shall devote at least some time to studying/homework. But now it is lunch and I'm gonna chill in bio, then end up running to computer science at 2 minutes to the bell. I hope she feels better and comes back tomorrow. ... . . ..

apparantly I'm kind..!

2007-03-05T19:46:00.000-07:00

So, I was bored and didn't feel like doing bio or math of any type, so I googled Rorschach and took this test. Supposedly I'm kind, which is pretty cool. Here:

http://web.tickle.com/tests/inkblot/result.jsp?PREMIUM=Y&test=inkblotogt

Chase and Skylar

2007-03-05T18:33:00.001-07:00

So I went for a run with Kelsey, (the longer run again) and then came home. And right after I came home, the new neighbor Jenn, I think is her name, came over with her kids. I don't know exactly why they came over... something to do with jewelry, I think, for my mom? I really don't know. The point is, I just spent like a half hour talking with a 4 yr old? girl and a 3 year old boy. Mostly I played cars with the boy. I've watched them once before, but not for very long (like in a half hour stretch like today). But before Chase (the boy) wouldn't ever talk... well, today he did. We talked about airplanes and cars and the movie Cars and how Lightning McQueen was his favorite one and the toys he has at home. So then they left, and he was really sad to go (Skylar was with my sister, playing with unicorns or littlest pet shop or something..). Well, as they were out the door, his mom said to him, "Do you want to give Kristen a hug?" and he shied away. His mom said, "Want to give Sherri a hug?" and he shied away at first, then hesitated for a split second, then gladly hugged me. And I was pretty happy. I like kids. And sometimes, (a lot of the time, hopefully) kids like me, too. Yeah, that made me a tad happier; now I'm just kind of content. Maybe it was the run..

Princess Bride

2007-03-05T14:08:00.000-07:00

I'm in yearbook right now, and we're eating and watching Princess Bride. It's pretty cool. This is definitely the best period of the day... English gave me a headache (weird), precal was precal, and stats was actually extremely beneficial. But this is very very chill. Ok, I'm kind of not in a writing mood. really. I'm going to watch the movie.

2007-03-04T19:33:00.000-07:00

So, my parents are at the store and I'm here listening to music. I finished my precal, for once. And when I say finished, I mean actually finished. I think I might go in early tomorrow, actually. So, I dragged myself out of bed, stumbled into the car for church, and came home. K, J and I went for a run, a longer one this time; we went on the trails. I feel better when I'm running now. I'm actually pretty happy with running and I want to do XC next year, I'm thinking. I want to just run, run, run to the ends of the earth. Run all the way to Virginia or something. But seriously, I wonder how I'd do there. JMU, once an all girls school, and once primarily a teacher school, is very arts based, and that equates to very little required math and science classes-- a very good thing, from my point of view. Well, we'll see. For now, I just have to concentrate on the present, because what happens now shapes what will happen tomorrow or next year. So. Tomorrow. I do some more math tonight, go to bed rediculously early, wake up spankin' ("I wouldn't use that terminology if I were you...") early, eat some breakfast, perhaps?, go to Starbucks, maybe, and buy a TALL White Mocha... And talk before school to Ms. B. about student aiding and things in general. Oh yeah, I should bring in The Time Traveler's Wife... though it's not the sort of book you'd really want to let your English teacher know that you read... Ok. Now I shall go shuffle off to my room and do some stats. I can still salvage everything, just you wait..

a teacher..?

2007-03-03T20:08:00.000-07:00

Well, I kind of abruptly ended yesterday, when the bell rang when I was in comp sci. But basically to sum it up, I just love talking to such an intriguing and amazing person every day. I honestly have never met anyone like her at all. Ms. B. sees things differently than most people. Most people are materialistic, money hungry “hollow men” (borrowed from Eliot, thanks man) blind to the beautiful things in life. She’s the antithesis of all that. Earthly, tangible objects don't seem to matter very much; the fact that she doesn't make much money isn't important. It’s kind of the like the whole big issue, the whole SAT topic (what defines a good job..? Guess what I said?)… Hm. Well, at any rate, I just want to say that I’m glad this woman appeared out of nowhere and entered into my life last August. Very glad. Sure, money is important, yeah. But is it the most important thing? Heck no. No no no. Beautiful, lyrical writings and inspiring music and time-stopping photographs and, well, art of any type, really. What about all that? What about abstract, intangible things? What about imagination? What about love? So, driving home on Friday, I felt oddly content, yet also sort of restless. Like I was itching to go out into the world and see what I’d make of it. Drive, drive, drive. Maybe all the way to JMU. On the seat beside me lay my sketchbook, my water, and my (well, for the time being) T. S. Eliot book. I’m doing him for my research paper, even though he’s technically an American poet (I was kind of able to sneak him in to the British Authors category, but shh, don’t tell). He’s actually pretty amazing – Ms. B has good taste in favorite poets. So basically she was pretty pleased that I had brought his name into conversation before school (I said I was thinking of doing him or CS Lewis or others). Since I was #24 out of 26 people… yeah, I ended up choosing Eliot. Which, actually, I’m quite happy about. She lent me her very own personal worn and dog-eared T.S. Eliot book, just… because. So, I was looking at it today, and get this: there are notes all over it in her distinct Ms. B-ish handwriting!- It’s pretty much AMAZING. They are crazy! I really like “The Hollow Men;” I think it’s my favorite. I’ll post my favorite lines sometime. I was reading that one yesterday in the car; my family drove to Chiles for dinner… weird. Anyway, that concludes yesterday. Today was kind of just paranormal, at least the beginning. I don’t know why, but it just was. I kept waking up last night, first of all. I don’t know what the heck I was doing in my sleep, but I kept waking up with the covers up in the corner by my head, and I seriously think I was sleepwalking around my room. I know that I was having a weird dream, but I cannot grasp it now. All I know was that it was strange. So then I woke up and called my friends about a million times, I don’t exactly know why, but I was desperate for some sort of contact. I ended up just uneasily driving up to town by myself and then wandering around p-wing trying to get in, but I couldn’t so I just walked back to my car, feeling like this was actually a dream. But then I went to the lodge and everything became normal again. We did key club stuff (handed out balloons, made ice cream in a bag, took pictures/movies) ‘til 2 or so, then drove home. The three of us ran to K’s again, and I got drenched with water, um, TWO times (thanks, guys…) And for the past oh.. 2 hours, I really haven’t been doing much of anything. Putting songs on my computer… putting pictures on my computer… reading the T.S. Eliot book… You know. I should learn my lesson, though. I really, really should. And in fact I’m going to do just that. Right now. I’m going to be responsible for once and shut myself in my room with nothing but my putrescent purple precal book and work. That way I won’t feel so guilty. Maybe that’s my problem: I’ve just given up. In some ways, I want, I NEED, it to be May already. In some ways, though, I’m savoring every last second of junior-hood; it’s slipping through my fingers like sand and I can’t pause it or slow it down. There’s one thing I’m going to miss more than anything next year. I can’t bear the thought, almost. Sigh. Oh yeah, one last thought/ fact/ tidbit/ extra-piece-of-unnecessary-info: I haven’t broken my Grande White Mocha streak yet! My mom got one for me today after much hesitation. But, yes!! Who cares if it’s the most calorific thing on the menu; it’s amazing. Ahem. Well, yeah, I should go. Wait. One last thought. I hate grades. Well, the grades aren’t the bad thing; it’s the whole importance of them that gets me riled. They are the cause of so much yelling and bickering and all that jazz.. why do they have to be so fookin’ important? I mean, really. We put grades so high up there. If you don’t have above a 4.0 at this school, you’re not “smart” … but you could be learning more than anyone else or learning more than you have ever before. But no. You just need to appease the grouchy teachers, groveling and shoving in crinkled bits of homework. Students do homework, hating every minute of it; teachers grade it, hating every minute of it. It’s all about complacency, blindly taking orders, blah blah blah. I’m kind of pissed at school right now. Well, certain classes. Other classes are taught by amazing, more than competent, nicer than nice teachers. Why aren’t there more teachers like that in the world? It kind of just makes me want to become..

cannot even begin to describe

2007-03-02T14:32:00.000-07:00

I'm filled with so much emotion and thought that I want to convey, that I know it's impossible to accomplish this; there's just too much. I certainly just want to throw out there first of all, before I look it over, that today was the epidome of, well, happiness. I know that yesterday I entitled my post "happiness," but that is because I had not yet lived today. Well, now I have, and my school day is now labled 'past,' but I fervently wish it wouldn't have to be. I wish, if I had to choose any school day to live over, well, no. Scratch that. If I could choose any school day to play over again, to watch, to experience it all over again in the exact same way, I would most likely choose today. Today has been the best school day that I can remember (which actually isn't saying much, considering I have the memory of a 'baby fly'...). There wasn't a huge life-changing event that took place.. I didn't win the lottery (though let's not even go there as far as happiness...) .. I didn't become appointed any special office of any sort... It was just, well, I can't even describe it. Well, I shall try, but like I said earlier, it won't even suffice. Today started out like any other day... well, no, that's actually a lie; it started out pretty different from other days, and not exactly in the best way either... but let's not go into that. So, in order to better my day, get it off to a good re-start, I made the impromptu and last-minute decision to go to Starbucks before school. I walked in, waited in line, got my Amazing Cup of Bliss, and departed. I didn't immediately gulp it down greedily; instead I savored it, just loving the feeling of holding this one hot object in a frigid world. As I walked over the overpass, in my ripped jeans, old sneakers, and navy fleece pullover, I just felt cool. Well, yes, literally, too.. actually I felt freezing cold, and was quite glad upon entering Ms. B.'s room (not that I'm usually not glad..). I could see her eyes behind her glasses take me in, particularly the beverage I was carefully setting on my desk, and I could see her smile ever so slightly. (Note: every single day she brings in coffee. It simply sits there on her desk; every so often she sips it thoughtfully as she reads or eyes her computer screen. Just thought I'd add that in, that tidbit). We talked before school, just chatting about 'thisandthat,' until she got a call on her cell-- some doctor was calling her, and she told the phone that she felt miserable. Without hesitating, and slightly incredulous at my own daring, I asked her about it, and she told me. In confidence, I'm presuming, so... Then the bell rang and English began, except I didn't actually do anything the rest of the class was doing; instead I ran around and signed everyone up for an author, like Ms. B. told me I could. I was very helpful and productive and managed to get everything done, as well as a few notecards. I left the IMC feeling elated, and proceeded to bio. The quiz wasn't actually great... it wasn't actually good either... I ended up getting the same (bad) grade as last time, but hey. Let us not dwell... Moving on, I went to S.A.. On the way, I finally parted with Grande White Mocha, throwing her into the trash with a graceful arc. Yeah, I made it. Well well well. She told me to, since I didn't actually get to work during class, take 45 min in the IMC working on my project. I eventually obliged, but not before talking to her about, oh, several things, namely, next year. I really think that 2 comp sci classes will... drain me, next year. And so I am seriously contemplating dropping Java/ AI (I feel blasphemous typing this, as I sit up in the loft, a mere few yards away from Mr. Y...). Yeah, so we talked more. I went to the library and worked, and then decided to finish up this "Time Photography" presentation I was working on last time for her. Basically I just had to find cool photos that somehow pertained to time. I returned to her room, and we talked. Well, what else is new, right? But today she seemed somehow more open, more giving, more friendly (if that's even possible). Every single day I interact and converse with her, she seems less like a locked door, less of a mystery. And yet, at the same time, more of one. Much more. She, today, confirmed my suspicion that she doesn't care about "big name colleges" and what others say and monetary things. It's amazing, talking to her. I realized that some of the things she was saying, I could be saying from my own mouth, I was talking to someone that reflected my own qualms, worries. Ha. With every word from her mouth, though, my worries were somehow waved away as unimportant, unneccessary. Well, the bell rang now. But you get the idea. I then went to lunch in bio and then came here.

happiness

2007-03-01T16:51:00.000-07:00

Ah, bliss. Well, okay, that's me exaggerating just a bit, but today is certainly a happy day. In no small part due to the amazing Grande White Mocha (shout out to Julie-- you rock!). I think that was the kicker; after that my day was pretty sweet. Hrm. Well, no, I guess that's not entirely true. Lunch was nice, after taking that English test, anyway. Okay, let's back up. Got to school, drove up with my mom. We took the writing portion of the test, the last part! It was beyond ridiculous but hey at least it's over. I just drew in my sketchbook for over an hour after everyone finished the test. Then debated whether or not to go to Starbucks, ended up resisting peer pressure in order to keep my word to Ms. B. (though now I realize she probably wouldn't have cared all that much, but whatever), and finished the test after a loooong time. She left to go to the bank, thinking I'd just quickly finish up and leave. But no; I was still sitting there contemplating a hangnail on my right thumb. I wasn't actually in any rush -- quite the contrary actually. I like just being in there.. it's just a very chill place. It reeks of books and poetry and has the air of Ms. B's grace and quick wit about it. Or something like that. Anyway, I just like it. She came back, I finished my test, and we ate lunch together. Ha- I realized I had forgotten a spoon for my yogurt and she dug one out for me after I attempted to drink it... Basically we just chilled. I went to stats where my lovely, amazing, (cold, but that's beside the point) coffee was waiting, and we had a discussion about drugs. Yeah, that about sums it up.... Yearbook was okay, but I hate it when I feel useless.. and I have a sneaking suspicion that I will be feeling like that quite often, as the book is now (well, soon anyway) officially done. I really can't wait. I'm gonna go outside and watch Danny.

Leaving....!

2007-02-28T17:31:00.000-07:00

I don’t really have a lot of time, as I’m about to leave to go back up to town, but here’s my little day’s ramblings: First and foremost, IT IS FOOKIN’ COLD! It’s so windy and cold… and I’m NOT exactly enjoying it. I want it to be spring… summer, even. Well, kind of. I’m really going to miss certain classes from junior year. Like, a lot. But hey, no worries, right? Because we still have two 6 weeks left. Besides the stinging cold, today was actually the best day yet this week. Well, sort of. So, for testing, today was Social Studies, right? And everyone finished like 2 whole hours early, and yeah, they had to keep us incarcerated for almost the whole time. I guess we did get to leave a little early… then at lunch we went to film society. That was pretty cool. Student Aiding was cool. Extremely insanely cool, because all she did was dish out compliments of my memoirs. It was amazing; it made me feel great. I guess my hard work did pay off. Then she told me she wanted to recommend me for this scholarship thing for poetry… In Comp Sci I programmed, yadda yadda. After school I typed up this thing about Ms. W, because she’s retiring apparently. Ok, out.

Ugh. Tired. Stupid testing. Chill afternoon, though, very chill

2007-02-27T21:03:00.000-07:00

Well, after a very tiring and busy day, I’m wiped out. Luckily, thankfully, I have no, that’s right NO homework due tomorrow. Well, today was kind of crazy. Despite my going to bed extremely, freakishly early (9:30 or so), I still woke up really late. So I scrambled out of bed, threw on some clothes and ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, gathering my stuff. I sped to school and then went to CRTs…, which, now I’m completely convinced, are just to waste our time and prevent us from getting stuff done. I seem to have the worst luck with proctors… (by the way, I really do NOT abhor Mr. T, my proctor yesterday, I do not wish him any harm at all. I don’t actually happen to want to stab any body. I can’t even stand blood and gore on television… luckily I don’t watch it often). Today I had Ms. R., who actually wasn’t that bad, but I thought she was going to yell at me. I really chanced it, working on precal after the test. She was actually very polite in telling me, that I should “please put my homework away” and “do I have another book that I could possibly be reading?”. The tests are just a waste of time. I could have been doing a million more prosperous things. Homework, sleeping, eating… anything. At lunch I went to take an English test that I knew I’d miss part of, but she said that I didn’t have to worry, I could take it whenever, like during my student assistant, if I didn’t finish it. So, instead we talked and then I panicked and ran to my car because I couldn’t find a bunch of memoir rough drafts that I was supposed to turn in today. Long story short, I couldn’t find it, ran back, explained my freak-outed-ness to Ms. B, and she told me, “Oh, I just wanted to collect the drafts from the students to make sure they did them. I know you did. Don’t worry.” So that was pretty cool. During class all I did was run around the class and hand out tons of papers while she talked. And then I turned in what memoirs I have, and I handed out the tests, and then I had to go to a doctor appt. It was tres cool, the whole being the teacher’s minion thing. So, docs appt. Afterwards, I stalled, bought some candy and an iced tea, walked around, and talked with people, because I didn’t really want to go back to school just yet. I eventually wrote my own note and got to school about 10 after 2 or so. Precal was funny, and then we drove home. I really liked running today. K, J, and I all ran to K’s house again, it went by quicker. I’m still incredibly sore though. Then we hung out a bit at J’s and made a way cool juggling movie. It’s not just us juggling. Woo. How boring, right? So its filmed facing up; the camera is under the juggling balls and it looks like they’re floating. It’s great, I really like it.

And I'm back.

2007-02-26T18:20:00.000-07:00

Ah. So. Well, where do I begin? It has indeed been a long time since I actually posted, so here we go. I want to: A) catch things up a bit and get back on track here and B) (more importantly) I want to evade and run from my precal homework for as long as possible. Hm. Well, okay, it’s not that horrible.

Alright, so, Saturday. It was kind of a veg-out kind of day, as in “do nothing but lounge around on my bed and sleep a little and read tTTW (which I finished, by the way. It was very sad; it made me cry a lot. It was also very…… descriptive). I pretty much did nothing. On Sunday, wow, a lot happened. I went to church, I came home and changed, the phone rang and it was someone in CO. I didn’t answer. Then I called K and drove to her house, where an… incident happened. It was really weird and scary. K and I drove to my house and then ran back down to her house. Yeah, literally. 2 miles straight.

So today I’m kind of sore. It wasn’t so bad early on, but while sitting in stupid CRT testing today I realized that I was actually sort of in pain. I hated stupid testing; it was the worst experience ever. First of all, a teacher that I don’t really like (well, I shouldn’t say that, because I’ve never actually had him, but let’s just say we don’t get along) was proctoring. He, though he’s been an English teacher for a long time, reads very slowly. I finished each section speedy fast, though I don’t know why, I didn’t bring a book. After the last test, though, I chanced working on writing an English memoir, and I luckily didn’t get in trouble at all. So. That was my fun-filled morning.

I went to lunch, Key Club. Oh yeah, that reminds me. As of 3:49 pm today I officially changed my ACT test date to June 9 instead of April. Soo… I CAN go to convention- yay! That’s good news at least. After Key Club I grabbed a computer and started madly typing, trying fervently to get my memoir (my very first, good, deep, emotional one) done. I didn’t really do it, but I got close. Anyway, it didn’t even matter, because when I walked in the door (almost late..) she told us that it was due tomorrow instead. Well, jeez, great. Now ya tell us.

We’re doing a research paper, apparently. And I’m actually looking forward to it; I was one of the few ones not groaning. At first I groaned a liiitle bit, but then when I actually looked at the assignment I quit. So basically we have to choose a British author, do research on him and on his works, etc. I might do Chaucer.. maybe. On the other hand, I think I want to do CS Lewis. Did you know his real name is Clive Staples Lewis?? Insane. So, that’s that. Bio was relatively sane; poor Mr. T is sick, like I was a week ago. Sigh. Being sick sucks. We made DNA and RNA. Not really but hey, we can pretend.

After school I drove K home, to my home, and we ran to her house, running the whole time again. I’m pretty proud. I’m actually really happy about doing this, happy to finally finally run again. I wasn’t allowed to for 3 months after the whole meningitis thing. Now I’m back, the old me. Well, maybe the new me…

So even though I’m really really sore and I have a mountain of precal weighing down on my heart and Ms. B. seemed… distant today, I’m happy. I feel oddly content. Maybe it’s the whole ‘figuring out the whole dark and light memoir and my life’ thing, and maybe it’s the whole ‘insanely, enthusiastically, breathlessly, happily running 2 miles everyday now’ thing, and maybe it’s something else entirely. But all I know is that, well, even though today actually wasn’t marvelous (far from it, actually…), things are okay, chill.

Oh yeah, one last thing. I’m kind of a cookie addict, at least today I am. That’s pretty much all I’ve eaten today. I ate a breakfast cookie (weird, I know), about a dozen chocolate chip cookies, some Oreos, some peanut butter girl scout cookies, a thin mint, and now a Tagalong (my absolute favorite). And that’s pretty much all I’ve eaten except a smidge of my sandwich and an egg. So, I guess the running really is necessary…

Sigh. I think this is probably long enough, eh? So I’m going to go finish the memoir and do precal. I’m really glad that I’m writing this; it’s really actually kind of necessary. And then I’ll eat fajitas. I should really learn to cook like my parents; I can’t cook if my life depended on it.

Zits Comic for 2/24/07

2007-02-23T22:31:00.000-07:00

I thought this was pretty funny for some reason... and also very true, as I am made acutely aware of daily...

"... as wonderful as you, Sherri..." -Ms. B. ...sigh.

2007-02-23T22:12:00.000-07:00

I keep stuffing thin mints in my mouth, one by one, even though I probably shouldn’t. I’ll get more zits or something, which lately I have, oddly. Well, at any rate, these cookies are quite delicious. Quite scrumptious. Quite wonderful. Like today. Yes, I, for perhaps the first time in my life (besides maybe my birthday), am labeling a B-day “wonderful.” Yes indeed. It’s my sister’s birthday, first of all, and since I was up well past 12 anyway, I decided to do something. You know, since I was up all by myself in the wee hours of the night already, I figured I could surprise everyone in the morning with decorations. So, I rummaged around in our junk drawer in the laundry room, and I found a puny light blue streamer roll, and a decrepit, foul, ancient roll of white streamer. I put them up all over the kitchen and a few in the doorway to the dining room. I had a little left, so I put them up on the fan. Then I finished my stats (mostly, anyway) and went to bed. So, early early this morning I did my little good deed, and I woke up to Kristen saying, “When’d you guys do this?” Well then. I drove to school (very fast, I might add. You know, that’s another reason why Fridays are great) and went to English, where I put down the tissues that I brought. It’s become a sort of tradition for me. You know, when the tissues run out, I just bring some more. Precal, meh. Stat’s, meh-er. At lunch we had a psuedo- key club meeting. And I was all gung-ho for Convention. Went to yb, had a rollicking good time, then drove home with K. I then went to the.. hm.. Weirdowskis’ house (obviously not real name, but..), where I spent a while. The husband/ dad looks kind of like a shorter, black-haired Mr. Y, and the mother/wife looks like a Native American/ African American mix. They’re both very nice and have a baby. So, I walk in, and the mom says, “Sorry about the mess- we’re baby-proofing.” I blink a few times and say, “Oh.” We walk into the kitchen as she says, “Yeah, and also another one on the way.” I say, “Oh. Congratulations..” And she pats her rotund middle and says, “Yeah, we’ve been busy.” At this point I blanch for a few seconds and then regain my composure as the dad walks in carrying a baby that’s smiling so hugely that it looks like it’s on aphrodisiac or some kind of drug at least. I don’t know what else to do but make goofy faces at the kid, so I do, which makes him smile even more. They, I think anyway, don’t quite know how to talk to teenagers, so there’s a sort of awkward silence in which I just make funny faces at the baby boy, Jackson, and also try and say something to fill the void. We eventually have a sort of forced, choppy conversation, with many gaping holes in it. We talk about their dog, Janey, and about my little brother, and also about if I baby-sit or not. I think I would have ended up staying there forever had I not eventually said, “Well, I guess I’m all set now.. Thanks…” And they smile sort of confusedly and say, “Bye, it was nice to meet you, thank you.” Hm. Weird family, but hey, they’re nice I suppose. Then I got home and we did the whole birthday thing. We ate enchiladas (which were really really cheesy and greasy, which was kind of… not the greatest. They were also mega-hot). We ate cake and opened presents. My sister and I were going to watch a movie, but then we remembered about her (final) basketball game. I felt really bad—they lost, and it was their last game, too. Oh well. My sister’s a bit bummed, but hey. K, different subject. I got an email from Ms. B today; it was very pleasant. Perhaps that’s what put me in such a great mood, that and sprinting around campus as fast as I could during lunch today. I miss running; I totally love the feeling of speeding past a bunch of kids, weaving in and out. It’s probably not the best idea, though, to run in hiking boots.. I really think I messed up my left Achilles tendon. It hurts. Not good. So yeah, I liked before school today, and lunch, and yearbook and driving home. There’s just one thing that’s going ridiculously wrong… something that I found out about just recently. So, key club convention is April 13-15. But get this, here’s the kicker: I’m signed up to take the ACT on the 14^th of April. Yeah. Ouch. So, I rummaged around on my dad’s desk, found the little “get in to the ACT” ticket, and on the back there’s instructions for changing the date. I have to call such- and-such a number and do such-and-such a thing. I tried calling it, but they’re not there. So, I need to keep my fingers crossed and I can hopefully go to convention. I'll call next week. I neeeeeeeed to. Well, I think I might go to bed soon, considering the fact that I’ve been going to bed extremely late every single night this week.Yes-- WEEKEND!!!! Sigh. I love Fridays.

After school spoutings

2007-02-22T18:17:00.000-07:00

So. My great-uncle died. You know, it’s weird. Today in English we were talking (or I was...) about death (because it related to what we read), and I said that well, you really don’t know when it’s coming, and it’s of course inevitable. And, you never know when someone is going to die; you really don’t appreciate them until they’re no longer around. Then, you realize that they’re really gone, that’s it. No coming back, ever. It’s not like a vacation. It’s permanent. Over. It’s just odd; as I was speaking those words, Uncle Jan was perhaps breathing his last breath. It’s really peculiar. I’m sad; I’ll miss him. It’s not that I knew him that intimately or whatever, it’s just the whole finality thing. I won’t see him ever again.

I went to Key Club elections; everything was fine. Congrats to both Julie and Noopur on being Co-Presidents! I ended up being secretary (yes!), and Lisa got treasurer. Clare someone got Historian. So, all in all it was all right; it was quite satisfactory. Despite my being tired and my having just received bad news.

I drove home slowly, deliberately, carefully, thoughtfully. For once in my life. I was behind 2 friends. I followed the whole way. When I was turning by Las Salsas (or Salsas y Son, whatever), I slowed way down, and because of on-coming traffic, I had to come to a stop. They kept on going. It was weird. For a few moments that seemed almost like a quiet eternity, I watched the car grow smaller and smaller, going up that hill, fading into the bright sunlight. And then they were gone. And I had chills. It was very odd, but then the moment passed, and I turned onto the street, just as a new song came on to the radio. I don’t know the song’s title, but it was an angry song, a hardcore rock song, new, though. It wasn’t a “Holy crap I love this song” kind of song, but it grabbed my attention and my emotions. Suddenly, I was filled with this weird sort of feeling, like the music was determining my mood. I was suddenly filled with this pissed-off teenager feeling, as the music got going. I revved the engine and suddenly put my foot on the gas, hard. I drove all around, in places that I really haven’t been much before, that new-house area by the pool. I drove fast and recklessly, just like the music. I reached over and turned it up loud- very loud. I turned it as loud as it could go, and I tried to trick myself into getting lost. I wanted to get lost. I was pretending I was lost in some other city. But I wanted it; I wanted to get lost in the unfamiliar streets, and I wanted to get lost in the music. And I did, for a little while. The song ended, I calmed down, I drove home.

And now I’m here. Just got off the phone. I’m determined to get my grades up. It’s not that I’m failing, but my grades are just… sagging a bit. Not quite up to par. I’m not quite up to par. I can go to Convention if I have an A in every class. Normally, I’d be, “Psh. Hey, piece of cake” (in the Sean voice, of course). This year.. no, this semester, it is unfortunately not so. I’m going to be ecstatic next year… Sigh. I’m off. I can do this. Piece of cake… J

Ired-Tay

2007-02-22T14:33:00.000-07:00

Yeah. I'm tired, first off. Well, I deserve it; it's my own fault. I was up til 1:30 reading tTTW. It's not suspenseful in the least... I don't even know why I'm so drawn to it. It is honestly the weirdest and most confusing thing ever. Some parts I actually try and sort out and make sense of, but other parts I just thunder on through because they're just too complicated. Mostly it's time-travel stuff, which is something that I've really always been intrigued by. Ahem. So yeah, anyway, basically, today's just a tired day, a "I just wish it was Friday" kind of day. Which it almost is... We had a discussion in English. Know what I hate about discussions? I hate it when no one talks. There are many different types of silence, content silence, awkward silence, library silence... Well, the silence that encompassed my English classroom this morning was.. hm.. stifling silence, choking silence. Like we were all slowly suffocating. So, naturally, I just opened my fat mouth and blurted out something to make that silence go away; Ms. B just looked pleadingly around the circle at every countenance. This happened several times. Well, I suppose that it was better today than other times. Today people had deeper things to say; we went far beyond the reading. It was this packet of stories taken from Other Electricites, by the way. Ms. B told me later in student aiding that she thought that the discussion went well. Okay, then. In bio we listened to good ol' Mr. T the whole time. If it was any other teacher just lecturing the whole entire flippin' class period, I'd certainly get bored and start making a house out of my pencils or something, but I really rarely glance up at the clock at all when I'm in there. S. A. was pretty chill, I hung up student work and chatted a bunch. Yeah, pretty cool. Lunch was Key Club... and that reminds me of something I will be doing later on in, oh, say... 20 minutes? Key Club elections for next year. Yeah. Part of me is very apprehensive and worrying, but that part of me is, I think anyway, being overridden by that part of me that's saying, "Hey, it's okay. It's chill. I'll just go up there and say a few things. This is not a huge-o deal." Hm. I suppose I'll just work my way down (President, VP, Secretary, Treasurer, Historian..). I mean, what's the worst that can happen, anyway? I go there and say my bit (completely off the cuff, of course) and, in the end, I don't get elected for that thing. Or anything. Eh. So, for the first hour or so of Comp Sci I read blogs; some were quite interesting. Kept me awake, anyway. The techno in here is kind of lulling me, in a way though. I don't actually understand why I'm so dead tired.. I mean, I feel like I did the time I carelessly pulled an allnighter on a schoolnight. I honestly feel like I could bang my head down on the keyboard here and leave it there and soon I'd be snoring peacefully... But NO! I'm not going to do that. No. No no no. Instead, here's what I'll do. Okay. Chill out for a few more minutes here. Go to Key Club elections and do my schpeal, while trying not to say "um." Drive home, hoping fervently all the way that the little gas I have in my tank will get me home. Crash.... not my car, hopefully! I meant on my bed. "Do" stats and precal, and maybe perhaps study for that foul quiz. Do a few other things around the house, and then jump into my niiiiice, warrrrm bed. Wake up and survive duller than dull classes tomorrow. This week has been pretty... huh. Cannot for the life of me come up with an appropriate word. I suppose different would suffice, but it really doesn't cover it nearly enough. I really wouldn't say a bad week (oh, beleive me, I've had worse), but... Well, if one aspect of my life is messed up, wonked out, it affects all the other parts of me, too. Ag. I'm not perfect. No one is. I'd just like it if everyone in the world would lighten up, take it easy, chill out. I just want to say sorry to everyone and everything that I've ever ever in any way done harm to...

Life's complicated.

I'm so tired... so tired..... of it all...

No longer sick, but sick in a different way

2007-02-20T16:27:00.000-07:00

I'm fed up with people. Really really fed up. I'm not mad, no. I'm just sick of them. It's really bugging me. Does anyone else ever have this feeling? That you're just sick of people? Maybe I need a vacation. But I doubt that would help. Sometimes I just want to be alone. Alone alone. And not have to worry/ talk to/ deal with people. I wonder sometimes how I'd be, alone in some desolate place with no one at all around. I don't like to think of myself as a solitary person, but oddly, recently, maybe as of today, I kind of just want to seperate, to be myself. To walk around just by myself. I want to quit being the ping-pong ball that I am (everyone else are the paddles) and just do what I want. I do what people tell me to, but I, for some weird reason today, am not liking that idea. I want to do what I want to do. In everyday life, and in general.

Kertesz Art...

2007-02-20T14:50:00.000-07:00

Hm. Can't resize picture. This is here to show just a bit of what he does with shadow. What I really like is when he has the real person and then their shadow, too. But yes, I do like it.

Argh! I can't resize this stupid picture either! Well, just get up and look at it from a distance, I suppose. Don't ask why I like this picture; there's seemingly nothing very special about it. Even its title is bland: "The Fork." This kind of thing isn't very characteristic of his syle. He seems to do more people photographs. I just like "The Fork," maybe because of the whole shadow thing he likes to do.

Here's just an all-around cool picture taken by Kertesz. Again, not very characteristic of him. Still a very cool picture. He spent a lot of time in Paris, by the way.

In comp sci

2007-02-20T13:48:00.000-07:00

Apparantly Mr. Y is still sick. So, we get to just chill. And that would be very very good and very verrry nice, if the person beside me would just be quiet. Yes, he's right here beside me. And no, he won't look over here. I'm not trying to be mean here, but the guy is seriously getting on my nerves. I'm kind of trying to ignore him. He's looking at pictures of cats. Yeah, you heard me. Cats. And he keeps showing them to me! He will not shut up. Right now I'm hating cats. Why does there have to be so many cats in the world? Wait, scratch that. The cats are fine. The stupid people that put the stupid pictures up are the ones I hate right now. Wait. Scratch that. I really only hate this dude's big mouth. Hm. Yeah. He doesn't even notice. Arrgh! Well, I'm going to really try hard to ignore him yet be nice.... Deep breath.... Okay. Yeah, he's not hurting anyone. He just keeps rambling about funny pictures of cats, doing apparantly funny things. And most have apparantly hillarious captions. Well, I suppose I'll jot down a few points from my day. In English we took a quiz; it was a nothin-special quiz, but I spiced things up a bit by drawing a picture to go along with every question. Hm. Then we did a peer-review thing. Bio? Uh, yeah... at least the test is over. I spent almost all of student aiding making a power point presentation of the photographs of Andre Kertez. He's actually really amazing. One thing that really stands out to me personally is his use of shadow. I love some of his pictures with shadow. Some of his photographs are ... quite odd. He does a lot of nudity... And well, this is interesting: Ms. B, when I got back to the classroom, told me she wanted to show me one of her favorite photographs. She looked for it, and couldn't find it. And so I told her to just describe it. She just said that it wasn't very appropriate for school. I gave her a weird look, and she smiled and went on to describe that it was just some guy (actually Andre Kertez's brother) jumping off a cliff or something. Anyway, that was student aiding. Now she's in some English teacher meeting, and she was telling me how these meetings are so incredibly dull. And she, ha ha, told me how she didn't read the big packet she was supposed to... oops..Went to bio for lunch; it was basically blah. So now I'm in computer science, and there is still a distant yammering in my ear. I'm pretty sure he's just talking to himself now. Heh heh. Yess, I finally shook him. I'm dreadfully bored, but I suppose that at least I'm doing something (this). So. Plan: twiddle my thumbs for the next 45 minutes and basically just waste time on the computer. Meet my mom after school and go home. Practice piano... sorta. Bumble through Precal and stats. Then... read!! I'm so upset I left my book at home! The Time Traveler's Daughter is really getting addicting. It's so weird. I'm going to bring it tomorrow to school... that is if I don't finish it. It probobly wasn't the wisest decision, but I stayed up til.. 2? 3? I dunno. Something like that. I stayed up late reading... now my eyes are all red. And this lack of sleep might be partly why I am developing a pounding headache. It might just be the yamming idiot (sorry!) beside me. I don't know. Alright. I'm done.

I'm actually glad..

2007-02-19T18:30:00.000-07:00

I'm actually kind of relieved, in a weird way, that the long weekend is over. I mean, I loved sleeping in (when I could), but it needs to be over. Oh yeah, Happy B-day to Julie, yesterday. Happy? Hm. Today was rather interesting. I woke up to my mom yelling at my sister to "Go get towels- lots! Ahhhhh! The toilet's over-flowing!!!" So, I was half-awake, half-asleep, listening to my entire family yelling and screaming and trying to figure out what was going on, and why the toilet was acting wonky. I had been up til 1 or 2 reading The Time Traveler's Wife (which is insane, by the way. Absolutely insane). So, naturally, I was still tired and I flopped over, just listening to their conversation. They thought that Danny had flushed a toy duck down the toilet, because that was missing. Well, my dad tinkered with the toilet for a while, and whatever the problem was disappeared. Soo. That was my day. I read some more of the TTW, and did some precal. Then I went to K's house, with J... and we studied bio after eating grilled cheese sandwiches. And talked. And it was very... hm, I don't suppose there's even a word to describe it. I'm sure there's not. Anyway, then J and I went home, and I felt a lot better driving home than I did when I left K's house... I chilled with my bro and took him to Barron's house (the dog) to take care of him. Those people seem to leave on vacation increasingly often. Well, they are now both retired... Then we came home and I had pizza with WAY too much sauce on it and also some root beer. Now everyone is at Smiths but me and Kristen. I wrote thank you cards... just because. And I also (miraculously) practiced piano. I was flipping through one of my books and saw Til There Was You. And I knew that I'd heard that song somewhere, and then it hit me: the Wedding Singer. I watched it yesterday... Hm. So, I think that on Saturday at my lesson I'm going to ask to bypass all the songs in between and play Til There Was You (I played it a little just now; I like it). It's apparantly from The Music Man, a musical (who'd have guessed?). Sigh. Yeah, I don't like the C word... collages. Shudder shudder. I didn't do miraculously on the SATs... in fact I'm not too pleased with my score. ARG. It's this big stupid deal, this collages thing. It's this huge, massive, important, imposing event looming ever closer... I guess I can keep shoving it to the back of my mind, but time is running out. Certainly within the year I must decide/ apply/ get things straigtened out. Sometimes I want to go west (Cali!), sometimes east east east (Virginia, perhaps?), sometimes I fall in love with the vast blue Southwest sky and never ever want to leave. Hm. So, in order to better/ affect my future not exactly directly, I think I'm going to actually do my homework. Finish precal, yes. Do stats? Hey, that's pushing it. Well, whatever. I keep batting back and forth between caring a whole whole lot and wanting to do amazing in life and get a great job (whatever that is...but don't get me started) and not caring so much, things like test scores and grades and colleges really don't matter in the big scheme of things. Yeah. Guess I'm off to do hw...

Cough cough cough

2007-02-18T19:18:00.000-07:00

I'm still sick. I'm very sick of being sick. It's the worst. Almost as bad as I feel right now. It's really weird. Okay, let me explain. It isn't this horrible sharp awful feeling; it's more of this dull depressed feeling. That's it. Right now, all of a sudden, I'm kind of depressed. I lied before; it's not even really that bad or that powerful, but it's still there. I was fine all day, just tired. But now I'm tired as well as mildly sad. I really have no reason to be, but I am. I think it was the visit I just took. I mean, the drive to J's was fine, and I thought we were having a good time, but then K and I had to leave. We opened J's card and then I left. I about died in the driveway ( I had this horrible coughing fit). Then we drove home. It made me sad. I also want to finish the Wedding Singer. And maybe start a book. It's okay, sherri, it's okay. I'm still coughing. Even now. I hate it, hate it. Oh yeah... didn't do any hw yet. At allllll. Hm. Oh well, I guess that's what tomorrow's for. I'm gonna go take my antibiotics, and have a drink.... of water, of course! Also, my blog is really boring, so I'll add a picture. Of something...

This is my frog... Dmitri... I named him after one of my friends... and he reminds me of Paul, whom I miss. Like him (the frog)?

FINALLY

2007-02-17T20:39:00.000-07:00

AARG! I'm finally home now. We were in SF all day; it was crazy.

Finally my internet is working again! It wasn't working allllll day yesterday..

Happy birthday to Kels! Couldn't post yesterday.

I'm still uber sick.

17

2007-02-15T22:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, now I'm officially 17. Officially. 10:40. I asked my mom.

Woooo!

Yeah.. Now I'm going to bed.

All in all, very good birthday

2007-02-15T22:10:00.000-07:00

Ah. Contentedness. Thank you to everyone that made it a good birthday. My first gift was the 2 hour delay, which meant I got to sleep in until 8:30 instead of 6:30. So I ended up getting about 6 and a half hours of sleep! Yes! (Pretty good for the killer amount of precal and stats that I did). I got so many gifts from so many people... and I still have more coming! English was amazing; before English was even more amazing... Ms. B. got me a gift!!! I was pleasantly surprised. Anyway, we had a discussion in English, and I read my most recent memoir, which I'm pretty happy with. Precal... boredom as usual. Stats.. even more boring, if that's possible. Lunch... Key Club and bio corrections. Yearbook.. didn't do much. Got a quote from some Sophomore named Riley. Oh yeah, and I looked at old yearbooks. After school 'the three musketeers' (as someone once put it..) went to bio and finished corrections. Huzzah! 6 weeks: over! I don't have to panic until next six weeks. Then we explored this huge snow mountain at Sullivan Field; it was basically the most amazing thing ever. Here's a picture we took at the top of the mountain:

3 mondo cool and all-around awesome gals

Me on the mountain!! Isn't it amazing?

We met 2 6th grade girls there. We chilled. Then, we drove home and chilled yet again at my house, and Kelsey made us grilled cheese. I guess it's kind of a tradition? So, we danced like fools, ate food, and looked at pictures. My family and I then went to "family night" at my little brother's school, and we basically built towers and played with trains and read books. We all had a rollicking good time. Then we went to De Colores to eat dinner. Came home, at cake, opened presents. My sister and I watched a movie.

So, despite my pounding temples and my excruciating sinus pain, I, all in all, had a very good birthday. Very different from the last. I'm a pretty happy camper right now. Sigh.

17.

Happy birthday to me..

2007-02-15T00:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I thought I'd take a break from homework and post, because I just now looked up at the clock and realized, "Hey, it' s my birthday!" So, yeah. I'm now 17. Woo hoo.

Hey, guys, c'mmon . Gimme a break, Mr. P and Mrs. S. Leave me a lone ; it's my birthday. Yeah. Basically I'm gonna be up about another hour or 2. Haven't even started on stats....

What a great start to a birthday. Oh yeah, today I find out what I got on the SAT...

Valentines.. mumble mumble..

2007-02-14T14:51:00.000-07:00

Hm. Well, yesterday my computer was acting up a bit, so I couldn't actually post, but I did write something. Oh well. It really wasn't very important or long anyway.

So.... Happy Valentine's Day, I suppose. What a weird day. I, being quite single and quite happy, actually don't mind it. Some hate it, and wear black on this day. Some people love it (maybe because of the candy?). Candy is nice... Even so. Just another day. I'm pretty indifferent. But I felt I should somehow commemorate it. I'm eating some Valenine's candy right now...

Still sick; slowly recuperating. Cough. Slowly but surely. Ick.

Another "ick" is the fact that the 6 weeks is over.. what? tomorrow?!?! Yeah. That's one big Ick. Mostly because I have 3 not-so-nice grades right now. I've got to finish bio test corrections; that's one thing I do have control over...

Hey! One last thing about Valentine's.... except not now. Because the bell is about to ring. I'll post it later. It's pretty funny.

Dying..

2007-02-12T19:11:00.000-07:00

I'm eating Garlic Bread right now, and averting my doom. I'm gonna die. I have a mountain of Stats, an even bigger mountain of Precal, and a HUGE, MEGA English Project due. Tomorrow. Everything. I like Garlic Bread....

I'm gonna be up late. Oh yeah. Here's how it's gonna go for the next couple of days. I go to school, I come home, I do stuff, I stay up til like 1 doing tons of homework, and then I take some Nyquil so I can actually sleep. I wake up groggy. Repeat.

The ramblings of a sick chick (Warning: very long)

2007-02-12T13:44:00.000-07:00

So. Yeah. You guessed it. Still sick. It seems most everyone is. Well, at least a whole bunch of people that I know anyway.. Mr. Y is still sick. That's the reason I have the entire period to do absolutely nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. So, for the first portion of the period, I looked through my sketchbook (yes, in the semi-darkness). Then I drank some water and read some stuff on the internet. Including my recent blogs. But I read them from another's perspective. One person's in particular. I thought of how she would come to know so much about me by reading some of these ... yet, she already knows a lot. And I freely toss out more and more information to her every day (or every other day..). Hm. So now I am here. Blogging away. Barely able to breath. In my own little room, my own little safe haven. I like it in here. It's just so calming, way more calming than usual, in a way. The whole day has been like this. Just.. relaxed. I don't know if it's just me, but it seems to be the entire world. Well, my entire world anyway. Let's do the obligatory, bland run-through of the day, shall we? In English we had a pop quiz. Normally this would be a piece of cake, but considering that I read chapter TWO about a million aeons ago, I realized I probobly would not remember a lot of it. And it turns out that I was mostly wrong... though I did forget the last question.... and I kind of BSed the 2nd to last, so I kind of doubt she'll give me credit. Heck, she might, though. Considering I told her that I finished the book. I don't really know what possessed me to do that; I never have before (told her about the fact that I finish books within the week she assigns them). Anyway, where the heck was I? Right. English. So we took the quiz; whatever. There goes my 99.6 (oddly enough, that is probobly my temperature right now). Then we did this cool activity, which I basically figured out, typed, and organized by myself.. It was this thing where each student was given one sentence (from WWtN), and then they had to write a sentence after it. And we passed the papers around the room, continuing like this. Some of the stories were prettty darn funny. Went to bio. Pretty uneventful and very relaxed. We finished that one packet.. the MATH packet... Well, okay, it wasn't all math, but it seemed like it. Parts of genetics is really interesting, like Nurture vs. Nature, but other parts are just not nice. Student Aiding was pretty cool. It was also relaxed. I first read this story, which was told in degrees. Like, "105- The highest temperature I have ever had. My father was scared half to death.." blah blah blah. And it goes into cold temperatures fairly quickly. And it tells how this teenager, Liz, falls through ice and dies/ drowns. So anyway, I had to read the story and write up a bunch of "questions for thought," which I then had to type up. Tomorrow, that's what our class is going to be doing (answering the questions, that is). So, great. I basically will be teacher tomorrow... considering she's not even going to be there! Really. I will be the pseudo-teacher and will have to explain everything to the class. And who better to explain it than the person who had to write it all? It may seem a tad like I'm complaining, but I'm really not. I actually really like it, these jobs that she gives me. I suppose I have proven competant in other areas, so she figures, "What the heck? She seems to be enjoying herself anyway." And I do. It's pretty much always fun work, never mundane grading or anything. Yeah. She leaves those jobs for herself. So I typed up the questions, and came back. We talked the remainder of the period. With time, you become accustomed to almost anything; you feel more and more comfortable doing something the more you do it. Like driving. Or drawing. Or even typing (I used to take forever to type one measly paragraph, when I was in elem. Now I think I might rival my mother). I think we are both getting used to me student aiding; we're more relaxed, comfortable. I know that I now just blurt out things without even thinking, something I surely would not have done before break or even a month ago. But now I do. Now I feel comfortable.. relaxed. Now we just talk. She talks (I like that part), and then I talk and talk.... And she listens. It's cool; I like it a lot. Continuing on with my relaxed day, I traipse out of her room (for the 2nd time after showing..... Alrice a drawing..) in a relaxed manner. I walk into E-wing before realizing "Oh... Crap... Guess I should be taking that stupid stupid precal test, huh..." So, sighing, but not worried in the slightest, I head for B-2. I walk in, politely greet Mrs. S, and begin the test. The entire time, I'm not worried at all, nor fretting, .... nor caring. Despite the fact that I really didn't know what I was doing. Despite the fact that I probobly failed it. I just worked the whole time, and I even asked her a few questions. And I didn't care that I went into 4th period by a few minutes. But the entire time was really weird. I finished the test, and.. it struck me what was weird. She was being actually nice! Very nice. I dunno, but it may be that we were both hacking our lungs out, and we formed this sort of odd compainionship over just this one lunch period. I've heard this before, but now it (kind of) seems to fit. "The enemy of your enemy is your friend"... or something like that. We were allies in a battle against sickness. Okay, maybe I'm reading way too much into things, and making this overly poetic, but hey. It was nice.. her niceness. But I'm sure that tomorrow things will once again return to how they should be. Well, maybe not how they should be, but, how they inevitably are. So, Mrs. Niceforaday wrote me a note so I could get into comp sci (though I never needed it). And here I sit. Typing away. My sketchbook to my right, my water bottle to the left, and Mrs. S's note beside that. You know, I'm toying with the idea of keeping the note (like I have before with other teachers' notes..). Just to prove to myself and the world that, yes, things don't always happen like you expect them to. People do act differently than they usually do, on rare occations. Rare, random occations? Maybe. But I really think that she was feeling at least some small degree of sympathy for me.... maybe? After all, I sound pretty yucky. I sound worse than I look... which really is saying something, considering I have a bright red nose and liquid trying with tremendous effort to abide the laws of gravity and decend out of my nose. Oh, but it won't win... at least I'm trying. ... But I think I'm fighting a losing battle. I am off, in search of some tissue.. or ... something! Aaggh! Okay. I'm back. I found some toilet paper and I blew my nose. [Note: Hoo, boy! I just need to add this in. It was the craziest thing that happened just now. So I'm in here, right? Typing away. And then the sub comes in to check on me, I guess. Well, right as she walks in and looks at the screen, I am typing the word "toilet." And then I stop and look at her. And then look at the screen again. And back at her; she is looking at me with her eyebrows raised in an expression that seemed to read, "Ookay.. weird kid." Then she walked out. Just... thought I'd add in that little, amusing (to me, anyway) anectode.] Anyway. To continue on, I never realized there was a bathroom up in the loft. Ever. But when I was getting the... toiletpaper.. I went into a little room and found a door, which led to the... bathroom. Weird. Okay. Now the sub is telling everyone to log off, because "I leave at 3:05! Not any later! I leave at the bell.." blah blah blah. Okay. I'm through. This is long enough anyway. Wow. This is killer long. Hm. At least I wasn't bored all period. Just chillin'.

Uuughh

2007-02-11T20:02:00.000-07:00

Still sick. I'm basically a bucket of snot. And, oh yes, vividly colored. I honestly think I went through a total of, well, hundreds of tissues today alone. I look like Rudoph the red-nosed reindeer.
What a lame 100th post, huh?

I finished WWtN.

Kuhn is a genious.

2007-02-10T18:22:00.000-07:00

So now I'm sitting here at my computer, tissue in hand, absentmindedly wiping my nose. My tea is sitting here in front of me, cooling down so I can drink it. I just had an im conversation that was about the topic that I most loath (no, not chemistry... no, not precal). It should have been very emotional and deep.. but it really wasn't. It kind of surprised me. Sigh. I kind of don't really care anymore. Is this what it's like to grow older, to grow into an adult? Do adults just begin to not care as much about trivial things? I think that's how it must me. Because I know that when I was younger, I felt things with such emotion. Things were always such huge deals. Like even the end of freshman year. I turned a situation into a huge ordeal. My life was completely turned upside down over some stupid thing. If that same thing happened today(that is I found out that some guy I know was smoking) I'd be like, "whatever. It's your life. It's completely idiotic to smoke, but, hey, I'm not going to stop you." And I'd move on. I think that's the kind of attitude I'm beginning to have. It's just that alllll those years of my past are part of me too. A great teacher once told me that, oh how did it go?, that, "Who you are at any given moment is predicated by who you were." We are composed of our past. If I could somehow distance myself from all those years of ignoring it, looking the other way, then I could easily say, "Know what? It's not a big deal." But I'm beginning to think that all these years, I have been wrong in just covering up the past. We're reading part of Family Secrets in English. Annette Kuhn says (I realllly like the following passage. Really. ):

"... But it is not, surely, to be concluded from this that the past is better left undisturbed. These 'shadows' are a proper part of life, and must not - indeed they cannot- be split off from what is more agreeable or acceptable, to be simply hidden from sight. For the repressed will always return, and more often than not in some infinitely more ugly guise. Bringing the secrets and the shadows into the open allows the deeper meanings of the family drama's mythic aspects to be reflected upon, confronted and understood at all levels. This in turn helps in coming to terms with the feelings of the present, and so in living more fully in the present. "

I love that passage, absolutely love it. It is like the theme of my life. I love it. It's like she's speaking directly to me. Me alone. I must remember to take it to heart. At the present time, I do not have much desire to delve into the past and explore it by talking to other people about it, but I earnestly want to delve into my own past, my own memories. That's fine. And I should understand that if I ever want to do the former, I certainly can. I shouldn't feel restricted just because it is a topic we never talk about. I really like Family Secrets, even though some parts I can't quite grasp. I wish we were reading the whole thing of FS, instead of WWtN. Some people that I've talked to in my class really hate this memoir unit, but I don't. It's just different.

Like me.

I hate my shadow.

2007-02-10T14:17:00.000-07:00

Crap. Ack. Man. I hate this. I hate today. It's bad enough that I'm sick and feel like crap, and that I have to miss Topper Review (something I've been really looking forward to for a long time), but now this. Arg. This is so stupid. Why now? Why? I hate February. I hate my birthday. Why did he have to call? I foolishly had hoped that everything would be fine once I wrote that memoir. But no. Life goes on. And I continue to be haunted by this shadow. I can never be free from this shadow. Never. My whole life I will walk with this dark secret clinging to me. I can't just take it and kill it. I can't hide from it. It will always be there, haunting me... taunting me... ripping at my sanity... lurking with a sinister smile on its face.

Yeah. Today sucks. I'm gonna go read West With the Night.

My mom is still on the phone...talking... talking... pause... talking......

.....

JUST MAKE IT GO AWAY!!

Sick sick sick

2007-02-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

I am sick.

Yesterday I went home after first period (English). My voice was extremely hoarse, and my throat was killing me. But I went to school anyway, because of my precal test that I did not want to miss. I realized I really should not take a test when I feel like crap. Ms. B said I should go home right away. She told me, 'Sherri, if you were my daughter, I'd tell you that you need to go home and rest.' So, after English (we had a discussion, by the way. Not the best thing when your throat is on fire), I borrowed Ms. B's phone and called mom. I sped home, feeling ready to just crash in my bed. I got home, slept for a long time, and then I had to go back up to LA for a doctors appt. that my mom had made for me. I don't have strep, I just have a croup-like thing. Well, I thought I was sick yesterday. This morning I woke up with a really high fever (I didn't have a fever at all yesterday). I drank some tea and took two Ibuprofen, and took a nap. I woke up drenched in sweat but feeling a lot better. I took a shower, talked to K on the phone a little, and now I'm here.

I'm so frustrated though!!! I realllllllly wanted to see Topper Review this year! I don't know if I'm going yet, but it's kind of unlikely, since I still have a slight fever. And a cough and sore throat. Arg. I hate being sick.

Stalling...

2007-02-08T19:43:00.000-07:00

I'm stalling. No denying it. I'm pretty much jamming out to music and oddly not worrying about the precal test tomorrow. It's basically going to suck the life out of me tomorrow. But hey, who cares? I'm not usually this "I don't give a crap," but today I am for sure. I just had a good day today; I'm not letting something stupid ruin it. And know what? I was just flipping through an old book of mine. It's a biography of Charles Schulz. Did you know that he failed out of 8th grade? And in highschool, he didn't do much better. He flunked several classes, like geometry and junior physics. Among other things. And look what he grew up to be! That book gives me an odd sort of hope, a distant dream. I got the book in.. 6th grade? I think. Well, I got it with a sort of admiration of this man. I mean, seriously, Schulz, Watterson and Borgman and Scott are the men I look up to. They all fall in the same category. Great cartoonists. I got the book and a tiny seed was planted, a distant dream. Looking at the book re-ignites my dream. Did you know that he got his first drawing published when he was 17? That sounds kinda familiar.... Well, here's a tribute to a great man. He died 7 years ago. (Well, almost. He really died the 12th of Feb, I think). Hats off to you, Charles.

Yayyy

2007-02-08T14:58:00.000-07:00

A days never fail me. I didn't post yesterday, did I? Hm. Oh well. I guess I just didn't have anything interesting to.. Wait one second! I did have interesting things happen to me yesterday! Pre-cal was amazing... It was Mrs. S's birthday yesterday, and the entire Men's Ensemble came in and sang happy birthday. That was pretty cool. And she kept saying profound, and that made me snicker uncontrolably again... In Stats, things were even more interesting! Mr. P screamed. Loudly. And the class was pretty rambuncious (sp?). Also, I snuck out at 12:20 to go meet my mom in the parkinglot, to get my classring stuff that I forgot. Well, she also had gotten food for me (I didn't have a lunch either), and she told me to stuff it in my shirt. I ended up running back to Stats with my classring packet and check, as well as french fries hidden in my sweatshirt. Yeah. That was great. Yearbook was pretty cool too. Let me just tell you people. You are going to love the last page of the yearbook. Just trust me.
Now for today. Like I said earlier, A days never fail me. Today was no different. I had an amazing day. I'm in comp sci; we just watched Star Wars. Bio was fine, I guess. Student Aiding? Impecable. We talked the entire time. It was really cool.

Yuck

2007-02-06T21:21:00.000-07:00

Yeah. It's 9:30, and I haven't even started precal. Great, Sherri. Nice. Oh well. Whatever. I'm getting to be quite good at 'speed-doing' my homework.

In other news, my brother barfed on me today. Nice, bright blue yogurt. Oh yeah, and he has an ear infection, and we had to speed up to the hospital, with him wailing in the backseat.

Precal, here I come. Maybe.